I Do
by Innortal
Summary: A class assignment turns Shinji's life upside down, as his partner is one to treat all things as realworld situations.
1. The Vows Begin

"**I Do"**

**Chapter 1**

**The Vows Begin**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

Also, please check out my other stories. I try to keep a constant level of dedication to all of them.

* * *

"I do."

Now, for many, these simple words illicit fear and confusion. They symbolize to some the surrendering of one life for another.

Of course, to Shinji Ikari, pilot of Unit 01, these words came with a strong sense of foreboding.

* * *

_One hour ago..._

"Okay, class. We will start a new project today. You each will be paired up with a student of opposite gender, and work out as a couple."

"WHAT?" screamed out Asuka.

"Ms. Langley, you will be quiet or I will leave you for last in the selection process." He watched as she sat down, but heard her grumbling about perverted teachers. "Now, you will be defining the relationship, planning budgets, and so forth. The goal is for you to understand such things so to be better prepared for when you really do get married."

He lifted two hats from behind his desk: one blue and one pink. "Now, the names of the boys are in the pink hat, and the names of the girls are in the blue hat."

Asuka decided to yell out again. "That is the stupidest idea yet. Everyone knows the boys' names goes into the blue hat and—"

"Ms. Langley, one more interruption from you, and I will assign you a thirty page paper on the differences between Gundam series from Pre-Second Impact as compared to Post Second Impact."

Kensuke adjusted his glasses. "Those were the best two weeks I ever spent in this class."

"Anyway, I will draw your names out of this hat, and that will be how you match up with your marriage partner. Any questions?"

Touji raised his hand. "Don't we get some say in who our partner is? I really don't want to end up with the red devil."

"YOU BASTARD!"

"Asuka, I want that paper in three days."

Said redhead groaned and gave Touji a look that promised untold pain.

"Now, if everyone can keep quiet, we can begin."

So, the names began to dwindle as couples were made. The three stooges each began to grow fearful as Asuka's name had yet to be called, which increased their chances.

Shinji was praying to whatever deity was listening that they would take extreme and infinite pity on him for his life and having Gendo as his father, even bind him to forever pilot Unit 01, anything...just don't stick him with Asuka.

"Horaki and Suzuhara."

"THANK YOU, GOD!" screamed Touji. He jumped from his desk, grabbing Hikari, spinning her around. "THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE!"

Hikari Horaki, the class representative and secret crush on Touji, passed out from hearing those words, choosing to believe he was happy about her, and not that he had avoided Asuka.

"Langley and Aida."

"That's it, I'm jumping!" screamed Kensuke, leaping for the open window, only to be tackled by Shinji and Touji.

Touji held him by his shirt collar. "How dare you try and make your new wife a widow!"

"Let him jump," mumbled Asuka. "See if I care."

"Ms. Langley, death of your spouse will result in a failed grade."

"WHY MUST I BE PUNISHED BECAUSE THE STOOGE CAN'T ACCEPT HE'S A FAILURE?"

"Shinji, for the love of all that is holy in all religions, please save me: switch partners with me!"

The class was surprised with Shinji's remark. "FUCK THAT!"

Kensuke began to cry at the hopelessness of the situation. He had just been stuck, married...to evil incarnate.

Shinji was smiling and considering doing a small dance of joy. After years of suffering, or humiliations, of the pain of being him, something was going right for him...

"Ayanami and Ikari."

Things were going right for him...right down the toilet.

Somewhere, Gendo Ikari felt the sudden need to make his son miserable both grow and diminish, resigning to take the confusion out on the nameless tech who was about to fall into the EVA's LCL bath.

"HE CAN'T BE PARTNERED WITH THE DOLL! I FORBID IT! I WILL BE HIS PARTNER!"

"I agree with her," stated Kensuke meekly.

"Tough, the decision is final. And Ms. Langley, I want another ten page paper on the differences between American cartoons along the same vein as the Gundam paper, thanks to your outburst."

The class immediately became quiet as Rei stood up from her desk, walking over to Shinji, who was currently contemplating racing Kensuke out the window. As she stood before him, Shinji almost wanted to start praying again, but dismissed it, as whatever God did this to him would most likely still be listening.

"Shinji?"

"Um, yes...Rei?" He was unused to hearing her call him by his first name, or anyone by such. _This will be bad._

"I will endeavor to be a good wife to you...Anata." She gave him a small smile, before the bell rang, dismissing the class for the day. She turned and left, the only one, as the rest of the class were too stunned at what had just occurred to move, fearful that the world had ended.

Shinji merely sunk to his knees, his face as if he had just seen all hope die. "I'm...a...dead...man."

"Well, if not by the devil, then by Misato." Touji just smiled. He had avoided Rei **and **Asuka. Wrapping his arm around Hikari, he escorted her outside. Only Shinji, Asuka, and Kensuke had clean-up duty today, and he'd be damned if he was around to witness them tear each other apart.

Hikari just smiled, enjoying her dream come to life.

* * *

Shinji was walking home with Asuka, listening to her still gripe about the unfairness of all three assignments she had to do. It was the main reason they had to spend an extra half hour cleaning the classroom. She had run the full gambit from how it was unfair for her to be stuck with someone below her status, to how he deserved to be married to "the doll", neglecting to mention that she had actually volunteered to be his wife. _Well, at least Rei won't hit me, or force me to do all the housework while complaining I am not efficient enough._

The more Shinji thought of it, the more he realized he did have it pretty good. True, he would have preferred if he hadn't been paired up with an EVA pilot, but as far as his two choices, he did get the better of the two. It wasn't as if Rei was outright abusive. True, she was quiet and hard to read.

But she was not Asuka. _Okay, God, I forgive you for the moment._

That moment was shorter than he thought.

He had just opened the door to the apartment, when he and Asuka saw...it.

Misato was standing there, arms crossed and with a scowl on her face. It was even more obvious how much trouble he was in when Penpen stood beside her, holding a lit cigarette and a blindfold.

Seeing that they weren't focused on her, she looked over at her hot spring penguin, and quickly grabbed the cigarette from his flipper. "I didn't tell you to light it!"

Shinji tried to back out of the apartment, but found his body being pushed forward by Asuka, no doubt enjoying the sight of the Third Child about to be reamed.

"Shinji," Misato said, "has anything...interesting...happened today that I should know about?"

"I...I-I-I don't know what you mean, Misato."

She was about to drop him a hint when the answer came out of the hallway. "Anata, you are home."

The two pilots turned to see Rei wearing a formal kimono. Shinji then began by taking back the forgiveness he gave God earlier on, and promised him payback for the pain he was about to partake.

Rei ignored the scowl from Asuka, as well as the angry look from Misato as she walked to Shinji, and linked his arm with hers. "I need to show you the bedroom, to ensure I have arranged it to fit our needs."

He walked on auto-pilot, knowing that if he looked back, Asuka would most likely be using a look that **would** kill him.

* * *

Omake by Shinji:

Kensuke: "Geronimooooo!..." thud

Teacher: "Asuka, you're going to have to nurse your newly disabled husband to health and take care of the children."

Asuka: "Hey! Why am I getting punished? HE'S the one who jumped!"

Teacher: "Because marriage is about sharing the good AND the bad."

Asuka: walks over to the teacher's desk and starts pushing it out the window. "Well, we'll just have to make sure it's a worth while endeavor, won't we?"

Kensuke: looks up huh? WHAM! hand trying to claw out from under the teacher desk

* * *

Omake by Burnout9908:

Gendo Ikari sneezed, he felt that something...interesting...was about to happen with his son.

Gendo: Well, what kind of mess have you gotten yourself into this time third?  
He then sighed and then walked over to his bookshelf on which he pressed a button.

He pulled out a small torn book. It read "Shake ya bom bom and let your mate enjoy it too."

Gendo: He may need this soon because... MY SON IS SO MANLY!  
does the grandchildren dance

* * *

Omake #2 by Shinji:

Misato: "Shinji, did anything... interesting happen at school today?"  
Shinji: sweating "uhhhh... no?"  
Misato: "Are you sure? Because Rei gave me a call, and told me to stay away from her husband, imagine my surprize when she said it was you. Have you been cheating on me young man!" grips his crotch squeezing hard  
Shinji: high squeeky voice "No ma'am."  
Asuka: Staring at the scene with jelousy "Is everyone but me fucking an Ikari!"  
Kensuke: "uhhhh... i'm not... dear."  
Asuka: Breaks down into sobbign and runs into her room crying  
Kensuke: looks at the other ocupants of the apartment. "Pregnacy hormones."  
Everyone but him and Asuka: thinks "Is THAT why she's always been bitchy?"

* * *

Omake by Innortal:

"HE CAN'T BE PARTNERED WITH THE DOLL! I FORBID IT! I WILL BE HIS PARTNER!"

"I agree with her," stated Kensuke meekly.

"The position of mistresses for Shinji-kun have been filled." Everyone turned to Rei as she pulled out a phone and dialed a number. "You may enter."

The doors to the classroom swung open. The student population was stunned as several Rei clones entered, flanking Shinji on every side, before lifting him up, and walking out with him.

The original Rei gathered his stuff and left as well, but said one last thing. "According to Captain Katsuragi, males prefer multiple partners, and have a twin fetish. I intend to make certain my husband does not cheat."

* * *

Omake #1 by Lord Raa

As the neames were being drawn out of the hats, Asuka cast a fwe glances around the classroom.

"Sohryu," the teacher called out, "you will be paired with Pen-pen."

Asuka breathed a sigh of relief. "That was a close one, I thought that I'd be stuck with one of the stooges."

Kensuke and Touji looked around at their classmates when they heard the groans of disappointment.

"Yo, Shinji!" Touji called out to his friend. "Why're they all sorry they didn't get paired with that penguin?"

"They must have heard about his "French Flipper Trick"," Shinji shrugged. "Why do think that Misato keeps him around, despite the fact that he drinks her beer and makes the apartment messy?"

* * *

Omake #2 by Lord Raa

The morning after the first night of the school project, Shinji gingerly sat down in his desk.

"Are you alright, Ikari-kun?" asked Hikari.

"I will be," Shinji said with a forced smile.

"Shinji-kun," Rei said as she silently walked up to the pair. "I do not wish to have to discipline you again this evening. Please refrain from flirting with other women."

"I wasn't flirting with Horaki-inchou!" Shinji protested.

"But you were with Dr. Akagi and Captain Katsuragi last night," Rei explained. "Or how else would you describe being caught in a semi undressed state in Captain Katsuragi's bedroom with two women?"

"That's not fair! You pimped me out to them last night for 20,000 yen!"

"I was only following the advice of the Tendo family," Rei said, waving her finger. "Now stop being such a baka-hentai!"

* * *

Omake #1 by Hawk:

"Are you sure that you know what you're doing and don't want any help, Ayanami?" Shinji asked nervously, swallowing several times and wiping sweat off his forehead as he observed her.

"Fear not, dear. I have had a tutor." Rei replied unconcernedly as she continued with what she was doing. "And no, I do not desire assistance. This is the duty of a wife."

"You have?" Shinji responded after a few moments of trying to imagine just who... Or what... Might have tutored Rei.

"Yes. Major Katsuragi was most helpful. I was also informed by The Second Child that the character Tendo Akane in the books on the table had a suitable cooking style for me to adopt." Rei answered, nodding at the pile of Ranma ½ mangas on the kitchen table.

"Ah. That would explain it." Shinji said as the fumes from the charcoal-colored... Creation... Set off the smoke alarm in the appartment.

* * *

Omake #2 by Hawk:

"Ack! Ayanami! What are you doing here!" Shinji screamed as his sleep-addled mind registered that he was actually awake and that this just wasn't a repetition of last Friday's wet dream. "And let go of that!" he added, slapping a pair of exploring pale hands from one of his more private bits. "Where's my underwear?" he finished suspiciously, putting one of his pillows in his lap.

"I have just returned from the library, where I have read up on the psychology of lasting relationships. One of the pre-second-impact publications I studied claimed that boring, or the complete lack of, sex was one of the most common causes for failed relationships and proceeded to offer up several most helpful pointers in how to remedy the problem. I was merely utilizing one of them." Rei calmly replied, seemingly uncaring about her own naked state. "Now, would you kindly remove the pillow so I can proceed?"

* * *

If I messed anything up, then let me know including typos.

Any suggestions on how I should continue the story or improve it would also be accepted.

Also, check out my website for more postings and the forum to see possible future story ideas.


	2. Making It Official

"**I Do"**

**Chapter 2**

**Making It Official**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

Also, please check out my other stories. I try to keep a constant level of dedication to all of them.

* * *

Shinji was tired, confused, and...and...

Well, that pretty much summed up his mood at the moment. Though it was one in the morning, and he still had school tomorrow, sleep continued to elude him.

Maybe it was the assignment?

Maybe it was the glares from Asuka and Misato that they leveled at him since his return from school?

Maybe it was the fact that Rei was cuddling his side, and apparently slept naked?

Well, who could ever be certain about these things?

Shinji was currently trying to decide how this latest twist in his life came about. Rei seemed to be enjoying the assignment, but seemed to be going full tilt into it. She had moved in...literally. Her meager belongings were moved to the Lovely Suite before they had even returned from school. A new king size bed had been bought and set up as well, replacing his small twin. Even Rei's wardrobe had increased from when they first met. And everything had been arranged for both usefulness and functionality.

She had even assisted him in making dinner, apologizing that she knew of no ways to prepare meat, and encouraged him not to change his diet to suit her tastes.

He had to admit, it was nice to have someone in the apartment—aside from PenPen—who appreciated what he did. Rei really enjoyed the meal he made for her, though the others would say it was still too bland. She even seemed to smile a little more as they worked together. _Maybe this is what a real relationship is like. Maybe this is what a happy couple should be like?_

He looked over at his impromptu bedmate. She was hugging him in her sleep, breathing evenly. Shinji had to smile at how innocent she looked. True, she had not been so innocent during dinner, seeming to gain some satisfaction by countering every one of Asuka's comments about them deserving each other by asking the hot tempered girl why she was not with her husband, and if they were moving into her room or his.

Shinji had to stay quiet and unemotional as Asuka began to rant.

Misato, however, had just kept laughing, pounding the table when she wasn't pounding her beer, mentioning that it was too late to call the movers tonight.

It had been that way throughout dinner. Asuka would make some derogatory comment about the two other pilots, Shinji would stay quiet, Rei would respond in a cold voice that would rile up Asuka further, while Misato just laughed at the two like it was dinner theater. All throughout it, only Shinji seemed to catch her small smiles at the trouble the Second Child seemed to be having at forcing Misato to try and stop this game.

His thoughts quieted as he felt Rei shift again. Shinji was almost certain she was not having a nightmare, as a small smile kept creeping up on her face, followed by a slight tensing of her hug.

He remembered when she had first come into the room for bed, shutting off the lights, and getting under their new sheets. She seemed almost pensive and confused when all he did was hug her, like she had expected something.

It could have been it. He was still not certain why she was going to such extremes for this. As far as he knew, this marriage was just an assignment that they were occasionally to meet for, discuss some things, and continue on.

Instead, she had moved in, started to either call him by his first name or Anata, insisted he either call her Rei or Koi, and seemed to be trying to be a current ideal of a wife.

The sad thing: they had yet to work on the assignment...at all.

Shinji finally felt sleep come to him, nodding off with unanswered questions, and a slim hope that he didn't do anything perverted to Rei during the night.

* * *

Rei awoke the next morning from the most restful sleep she had ever known. True, she was a little disappointed, but it had not ended completely bad. While the occasional comment though the door from the Second Child or Misato on what she and Shinji might be doing had reached her ears, the night had not been a total loss.

_Why did Shinji not act as is customary for a newlywed couple?_

It did not make sense to her. The assignment had been given that they were to act as a married couple. Did Shinji not want the assignment?

No, that made no sense. If that were true, then he would have had her leave.

So why?

According to the Commander, she should treat all assignments as real and to the fullest of her capabilities. Now while this was an assignment she was...enjoying...she would not fail to see it through completely.

So the question was: why had Shinji not reacted as was customary for newlyweds on their first night of matrimony?

As Rei contemplated it, she made her way out of the warm embrace of her husband and headed to the bathroom. Something had to be missing. Shinji Ikari was not one to leave a task unfinished without reason. So what could the reason be?

Maybe it was do to the lack of a formal ceremony? Could that have been why? _But the teacher did not offer a formal ceremony. Does that mean a ceremony was not needed? Then what would Anata be lacking to not pursue the typical actions of the honeymoon?_

_The only other option is to see a public license for marriage. Maybe I need to acquire a certificate to prove our marriage as the first step._

_Yes, I will procure the document before school. My Anata will be happy that we have proof of our matrimony._

As she finished showering, she dressed for school, leaving a note for her husband that she would meet him for class, but may be late.

Then tonight, they would have their official honeymoon. _Perhaps I should inquire as to how this event is usually done. My lack of experience in this matter would best be served by asking the appropriate and informed parties. I do believe that an EVA technician has recently wed as well. She would provide the most insight as to what expect tonight._

_It may be advisable to inform the Commander as well. Certainly, he would desire the knowledge of his son's new marital status._

Back in the bedroom, a certain boy often seeing talking to himself about not running away shivered, as his formerly sweet dreams soon twisted into nightmares.

* * *

Shinji was at his desk as class began, a feeling of dread hanging over his head. Rei...his...wife...had not been there when he had awoken, saying she had a matter to attend to and would arrive at school.

Asuka and Misato's teasing had reached new heights during breakfast, and Shinji soon found himself hard pressed between answering Misato's perverted questions, Asuka's angry rants about how useless he was for some unknown reason, and making lunch for the three pilots.

He rubbed his thigh where PenPen had pecked him for forgetting the hot water penguin's breakfast and morning beer.

Half the school day had passed before Rei had returned, handing the teacher a note and taking her usual seat, once again staring out into nature.

Lunch followed, following Asuka yelling at Kensuke for not having some of their work done, screaming at him for help on her paper. That was weird in Shinji's eyes, as he knew Asuka watched a lot of television when not at NERV, school, or hanging out with Hikari, so she should have known how to write the paper. _After all, she often bragged about her damn degrees._

_Who knew she never watched Gundam anime?_

Rei seemed to smile when Shinji handed her, her lunch, more so then yesterday, as if a great weight had been lifted off her shoulders. He was glad to see the change.

Of course, with his usual luck, he was certain a bigger assault on his self-worth was waiting around the bend.

And so the rest of the school day progressed, followed by the students setting times to meet their "partners" for the assignment. Kensuke was dragged off by Asuka, Touji left with Hikari for a discussion in the park—though the girl still seemed to have that ever-lasting dreamy smile plastered on her face, and Shinji and Rei headed to NERV. Dr. Akagi had requested him for another battery of tests, and Rei apparently had some people to meet.

* * *

Gendo was standing on the massive escalator in the Geo-front, with Rei behind him, a usual scene. "So, how fair your classes, Rei?"

Rei stayed emotionless as ever, not wanting to spoil the surprise. After all, people were supposed to love surprises. "Classes are preceding well, sir."

"That is good." They were in silence for several moments. "Has anything else happened that I should know about?"

Rei chanced a smile. "I am now wed to your son."

"WHAT?" screamed Gendo, twisting around. His shock at what Rei had said was beyond what he could expect.

Unfortunately, that twist shifted his center of balance, and ended up causing the esteemed commander of NERV (cough-prick-cough) to fall down the escalator.

Rei only turned her head slightly in a confused expression. "Is it not customary to congratulate the couple? Perhaps Lieutenant Kasumi Ono was incorrect."

* * *

Omake by Burnout998:

The two of them lay in bed, neither making a sound. Shinji's arms lay draped around the girl as they allowed sleep to reach them. Well him more or less.

Rei opened her eyes and looked at her husbands hands around her... something was off. Was it not correct that newlyweds we're supposed to join as one on the day of their wedding or not?

Then it came to her and she shook with terror... the whole country of Japan felt the pain in her words as she screamed...

"Damnit! He's gay too? Like father like son I guess!"

* * *

Omake by Shinji the Good Sharer:

Rei seemed to smile when Shinji handed her, her lunch, more so then yesterday, as if a great weight had been lifted off her shoulders. He was glad to see the change.

Of course, with his usual luck, he was certain a bigger assault on his self-worth was waiting around the bend. "What! SMACK i SMACK told SMACK you SMACK not SMACK to SMACK forget SMACK my SMACK cookie! SMACK "

* * *

Omake #2 by Burnout998:

The next morning...

"Hey Shinji what's wrong?" Misato asked

The young boy in question sniffed looking at his plate with a sour look.  
Auska entered the room and said "Nothing, his wife just probably wore him out."

That broke the lines and he fell down to the plate in tears.  
"What happened!" Both of them asked.

"R..Rei...last night...she was the MAN!"

* * *

Omake by Typhonis:

"That is good." They were in silence for several moments. "Has anything else happened that I should know about?"

Rei chanced a smile. "I am now wed to your son."

"WHAT?" screamed Gendo, twisting around. His shock at what Rei had said was beyond what he could expect.

He grabed her by the arms all the while crying out "Wahh my son is so manly! So does he use the missionary position or have you talked to him about studying the Karma Sutra?"

* * *

Omake #1 by Innortal: The homage to Pervert Rei:

Misato and Asuka came into the kitchen to find PenPen trying to sit Shinji up. Misato ran to his side. "What the hell happened to him?"

"SQWACK!"

"My God!"

"What did he say, Misato?" Asuka could not believed she asked that question.

"According to PenPen, Rei almost fucked him to death. Damn, I guess the girl really enjoyed losing her virginity."

"Then shouldn't the geek be smiling. He looks scared to death."

They then noticed that PenPen was scared as well, pointing behind them.

There was Rei, wearing a dominatrix outfit. "If Shinji-kun cannot continue, I will need to find...substitutes."

Asuka promised she would get Misato and that damned penguin back for tossing her at Rei.

* * *

Omake#2 by Innortal:

"Don't worry, Rei-chan," Technician Lieutenant Kasumi Ono said, "this book will change your whole perception of marriage. Why, thanks to it, my husband's glasses usually break before we even fall asleep."

"I thank you for your assistance, Lieutenant, but I fear that I may not be able to master these techniques."

The technician stopped and turned around, kneeling slightly so as to stare into Rei's eyes. "Now, now, let's not have words like that, Rei-chan. Why, my younger sister's first husband is quite adapt at mastering martial arts techniques, and he helped write this book so that self teaching is a great way to learn." She stood up, seeming to wander off into a dream world. "Oh my, Nabiki so did love it when Ranma-kun had to practice those moves with her. Sadly, my youngest sister never did get to marry him. Who knew she would pick her bachelorette party to test her own cooking?"

Rei remembered the Commander discussing this Akane Tendo. If she ever came out of that coma, they would use her cooking as bio weapons on the Angels.

She also recalled a test of her last creation: Meaty Chili. The poor sample of Angel flesh actually screamed as the food neared it.

To this day, Rei could not stand to eat meat.

Finally, they arrived at her car. Rei watched as the technician retrieved a large book, and handed it to her. "'The Complete Manual for Anything Goes Marital Arts'?"

As Rei left, she began reading the book. Shinji would be so proud of her tonight for mastering this art. _Perhaps Shinji would like to study this art as well. It has been told to me that couples should do things together._

* * *

Omake by Temjin-On:

Rei sat on her bed looking through the print out she had gotten from a technician. '_So Shinji would find it very attractive if I danced like this? Well, if it gets him more into things, then I shall do it._' Rei walked to the bedroom door. "Shinji, could you come in here for a minute, I need your opinion on something."

Shinji froze. "Uh uh... sure..." '_Oh hell! The bedroom? I'm going to really have to not try anything perverted. Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts._'

Shinji walked into the room and Rei was in the bathroom.

"Just sit in on the bed and I will be with you in a minute."

Shinji managed to reply with a nervous "K...kay."

Rei walked in to the room and Shinji was in shock. She had on a tube top with a short mini skirt. Short to the point of her ass almost showing. She had in her hand a piece of paper. "Okay, Shinji, tell me what you think of this."

Out of nowhere, hip-hop music started playing. On cue, Rei started to shake her behind with great fervor. And in tune with this, she started to sing.

_I bet you want the goodies.  
Bet you thought about it.  
Got you all hot and bothered._

And to top things off, the music changed from that damned goodies song to, Michael Bolton.

'_Son of a..._' Shinji didn't have time to finish his thought. Rei had locked the door and pounced on him.

"So Shinji, what did you think? Did you like it?" Shinji couldn't help but nod. "Good, then, it's time for me to let you have the goodies."

'_Think unsexy thoughts! Uh uh, Pandas, PenPen, grandma! Grandma, grandma!_' But by the time Rei had kissed him, he was gone.

* * *

See ya next time! 


	3. Finalizing a Bond

"**I Do"**

**Chapter 3**

**Finalizing a Bond**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

Also, please check out my other stories. I try to keep a constant level of dedication to all of them.

**

* * *

**

Misato, Shinji, and Rei sat outside in the waiting room of the NERV medical facility, waiting for new on Gendo Ikari. Fuyutsuki had already left to tend to the meetings that Gendo was supposed to attend before the accident.

That meant many people in NERV were both afraid and happy.

Misato had been left in charge if Gendo was...unavailable.

Misato was dreaming about what she would do, as from what she had gathered by the rumors going around, she suspected Gendo would be out for a while. Falling down the main escalator to the surface tends to do that to a person, and she couldn't help but keep playing the security footage of it through her head with Looney Toons music in the background.

Finally, a smiling Dr. Akagi left the room, to be immediately swarmed by Shinji. "Is my Father going to live, tell me, doc!"

Ritsuko didn't know what Shinji was wanting as a response. "He is alive, but incapacitated."

Shinji smiled at that as best he could. Sure, his father was a worthless, disgusting, inhuman monster who would sell out his son in a heartbeat; but he was still family.

Incapacitated family.

Family that would be out of his hair for a long while. "What's the problems?"

Ritsuko took out a cigarette, feeling the need for a smoke. _Well, I think I won't mention the sexual ones. _"He is in a full body cast because multiple bones were broken, he is restrained do to several cracks of his vertebrae, and he is wearing a halo to stabilize his neck, which also suffered some damage. And finally, we had to wire his jaw shut since it was broken as well. For all intents and purposes, the Commander is unable to interact with the outside world. He can't even communicate in any way."

Misato tried to look solemn, but inside she was joyous that now she didn't have to come into work early. After all, as the person in charge, she decided when she came in.

Rei was torn. She felt somewhat guilty for causing the accident, but it did appear that Commander Ikari was not...happy...with her marriage to his son. Perhaps it was better this way as he could not now order her to break up with Shinji.

Shinji was scared. For the last few days, any good news was followed by terrible news that made his life a little more unbearable. He knew that it was only a matter of time before the other shoe dropped.

Most likely, a steel toed boot and on his bare feet.

Ritsuko smiled, remembering how she had shorted him on his pain medication; a small amount of payback for always leaving her hanging during their...meetings. "You can see him now, but only one at a time."

Misato went first, promising that she would run NERV as best as she could and follow any plans he had laid out.

She decided not to notice the small amount of fear in his undamaged eye the mentioning of her in charge had created.

Shinji followed, promising to visit as often as time permitted, and hoping he could make him proud.

Shinji did take notice of the deadly gaze that promised pain that his Father's good eye gave him, including the slight growl.

Finally, Rei entered. She wanted it to be quick, as she was waiting for a package at her new home, and did not want to take the chance the Second Child would find it and damage it. She bowed before speaking. "I will take care of my husband, sir. He will not lose standing as an EVA pilot. I will ensure he continues to do well as both a pilot and in his school work, as I will want him to be a great role model for our children. When you are feeling better, we will discuss a public marriage ceremony." She bowed again and left.

Gendo was furious. He needed to stop these things. His son...happy? Rei...having relations? Misato...in charge? These things were all wrong. And the moment he healed up enough, he would set things right.

It was then he got his final visitor for the night: the nameless tech.

You remember the nameless tech, the one Gendo kicked into the EVA LCL bath. Well, we shall call them Doe. "Sir, the guys and I decided to get you something to entertain you. After all, you have done so much to—I mean—for us, it is only proper." He quickly set up a DVD player that housed five DVDs and set them on continuous play.

Gendo added Doe to his list of People that Must Be Killed, right above the members of SEELE, as the screen showed what he would be watching for the next day straight.

"Hello, kids. I love you, you love me..."

* * *

Kensuke cleaned his glasses again as he continued talking to Asuka. She wanted enough notes from him on the Gundam series so she could do the report tonight, as the teacher said he would know if she got someone else to do it for her. "With the exception of the SD Gundam series, the anime before second impact was often a fighting series that was not for the young, often with people dying horrible and grizzly deaths. However, after second impact, many series were just stupid fusions of other successful animes. Gundam Muyo! Was such, as well as Gundam: Love Hina Revised. As such, it was obvious that the same care for the depth of the story was missing from the newer series."

Kensuke started his DVD player. "First, we will watch some earlier episodes and movies, followed by the latest ones, so I can further prove my point."

Asuka became depressed again. Yes, this would be a long and dreadful night for her.

* * *

Shinji lay in the bed, unsure of what to make of today.

Asuka hadn't come home, but she said she was going to finish those papers tonight, even if it killed Kensuke.

Rei, upon arriving, had taken a box left in front of the apartment into the bedroom, and only now had left to take a shower. She never mentioned what was inside it.

Misato was currently in the kitchen, playing a drinking game against PenPen, singing about how she didn't need to go into work early tomorrow.

Shinji? Shinji was scared, as the other shoe had yet to drop.

Yep, he knew it had to deal with the box. And Rei would be delivering the final blow.

As he was pondering what evils lurked in the shadows to attack him this day, as he doubted the gods of fate would allow him any respite, Rei entered the room.

He turned to see her, hoping she was not nude once again; wearing something for bed, and was getting ready to shut off the lights and end this confusing day.

Instead, she was wearing a bath robe, and pulling the box out from a dresser. She took a few things out, hiding them behind her back before he could see, and walked over to him, a small smile adorning her lips.

"Rei, what's going on?"

"I have a surprise for you, Shinji."

In his head, sirens were blaring at the increased levels of obvious dangers. "U...um, what sort of surprise?"

Rei handed him a framed item. "I took the liberty of procuring all that we were lacking to finish completing the standard marrying ritual."

Shinji could only stare at the framed certificate stating that he and Rei were now married in the eyes of the law, his eyes glazing over at the mere thoughts of the pain Asuka and Misato would put him through for this.

Well, maybe not Misato, but he knew PenPen might use her gun. After all, he had forgotten to get the hot water penguin's fresh salmon today with all the commotion.

As he was staring, he didn't notice Rei take his left hand and slip a gold ring onto his ring finger, or that said ring matched the one she wore as well. She had gotten the ring size information from data collected from the plug suits.

Standing, she dropped her robe, revealing her nude form.

It was the sound of her doing so that moved Shinji's slow mind from the certificate towards her, only to stop at seeing the ring now adorning his hand. _So, the other shoe is dropping. I guess it is still in the air before it crushes my foot._

He was right.

Rei straddled him, causing Shinji to look away from the gold ring that Rei had slipped on his finger to her nude form as she sat on him. "R...Rei?"

"I have done all that is necessary for us to begin the honeymoon, and shall wait no longer." She gripped his shirt tightly. "I believe the appropriate phrase for this moment is," she paused as she ripped open his nightshirt, "resistance is futile."

* * *

Omake by Innortal:

Shinji placed the video in the VCR, amazed that he found such a lucky tape in the bargain bin outside a local store.

"Hello, my name is Genma Saotome, and I will teach you how to be the dominant male in the household. Now first--"

"Genma, dear!"

Shinji watched in amazement as the man quickly splashed himself, changing from an overweight bald guy into a fat panda, somehow without removing his clothes, which disappeared as well.

As a woman came in the reminded him way too much of Asuka, the neo-panda was playing with a tire, holding a sign proclaiming he was just a cute panda.

"Genma, dear, I already know about the curse, remember."

The panda actually looked embarrassed.

"Now, I expect you to have a job by tomorrow, or you won't be able to play with Soun anymore. Also, I have a list of home improvement projects I want done as well. If not, I will be...upset. Do you understand...husband?"

The panda quickly nodded his head in agreement, before bowing repeatedly to the woman.

"Good, now I have to take some things over To Ranma and Nabiki's. Seems they had a rough night. But their German houseguest from the past did manage to catch her ride in time to return to the past, but the poor dears are still hung over. You better have that list done by the time I get back from helping our son and daughter-in-law."

The panda simply held a sign saying: "Yes, dear."

As the woman left, the panda produced a kettle, and reverted back to the bald man. "As I was saying, you must always be firm with your woman. My wife knows I will do what I decide to do, and knows better than to question me."

Shinji shut off the tape; cursing his stupidity for thinking he might find advice from a tape in a bargain bin. He had thought it was mislabeled when it said Comedy on the box.

_Meanwhile, in the AV room at the school..._

Rei inserted the video. As the scene came up, she saw a redheaded woman who resembled Pilot Souryu came on screen. In the background was a hairless overweight male that was handcuffed to the bed.

"Hello, I am Nodoka Saotome, and for the next seven hours, I will teach you how to...control...your husband. As you can see, I have started off by drugging his food. Now, you have to be careful about the doses, and several suggestions and tables will be included with the video, as well as follow before the credits.

"Now, I have used industrial reinforced shackles to secure my husband to the bed. You may alter this, depending on your husband's ability to escape.

"Now, for the first lesson, you will need a whip about fifty percent longer than you are. After all, you need to practice beforehand to make certain you hit the correct targets, like so..."

A loud snap was heard, followed by the loud and muffled cries of the overweight man. "Forgot to get work, huh?" She paused after every question to strike him again. "Starved my child and sold him every chance you got, huh?"

Rei, however, was taking notes. "Whip fifty percent longer than my height." She paused to look over what she had written so far, noticing that even though the video had not been going for more than a few minutes, she had already spotted several ideas to use to facilitate her honeymoon. "Now, I must see if I can get these items through NERV."

* * *

Omake #1 by Shinji the Good Sharer:

Gendo was angry; the nurses had finally saved him from the Barney marathon (Which he was literally thinking of instilling at a type of interrogation). After that since he was so brain damaged they had put him into a wheel chair and were taking him for a walk.

Doctor: "RAR!" (puts his hands on the nurses hips playfully)  
Nurse: "EEP!" (jumps and turns around bumping the wheel chair and sending it rolling.) "Kei-kun! That wasn't nice, ara ara."  
Gendo: (stops, whimpering at the edge of an open elevator shaft with a sign that says "Out of Order" on it, as he balances on the edge of his tires)  
Mutsumi and Keitaro: notice "Don't move!"  
Gendo: (feels a tickle in his nose) _Damn you god, this is why I kill your angels!_ "ACHOO!" (5 story fall results)

* * *

Omake #2 by Shinji the Good Sharer:

Rei looked curiously to Shinji as they made their way to the room. As Shinji asked her what was wrong Rei smiled sweetly and shrugged. "The commander became most upset after my visit with him and had to be sedated. I am curious, Anata, why is it that my telling him of my hope that we shall conceive a child tonight would upset him so?"

Shinji failed to respond as he passed out with a nose bleed. Elsewhere, Asuka woke up in bed with Hikari and screamed due to their lack of clothes. Touji and Kensuke simply looked up from their own bed just as bare and told her to shut up so they could sleep before cuddling together and falling asleep. Hikari mumbling about licking chocolate syrup off her slightly hung over bed-mate didn't calm her down any.

* * *

Omake by Lord Raa:

Shinji looked up to see Rei standing at the entrance to their room dressed in a bath robe.

"Is something up Rei?"

"We have not consummated our relationship."

"I-I-I'm sorry," Shinji apologized. "I would have felt that I was taking advantage of you."

Rei frowned. "I do not think that you would ever do that, Shinji-kun. Though it would be nice if you were to take the initiative once in a while."

"I'm sorry," Shinji bowed his head.

"This is a good chance to change things. We shall role-play."

"Role-play? Like Dungeons and Dragons?" Shinji asked, the confusion on his face was as clear as day.

"If that is what you desire, Anata, but I was thinking more along the lines of this."

Rei tore open her bath robe to reveal a rather abbreviated version of a sailor fuku. The outfit itself wouldn't have appeared too scandalous were it not for the fact that there were holes in the tight fitting blouse that showed that the blue haired girl had decided to forego lingerie.

"We shall play 'the Helpless Schoolgirl and the Rampaging Tentacle Monster'," Rei announced. "Slake your immoral lusts with my pure and virginal body!"

Shinji gulped as the "Helpless Schoolgirl" advanced on his position.


	4. Extra Credit

"**I Do"**

**Chapter 4**

**Extra Credit**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

Also, please check out my other stories. I try to keep a constant level of dedication to all of them.

* * *

Shinji slowly returned to the waking world. It had been a strange night. He had had this weird dream where him and Rei were actually married and shared a passionate night together. _Yeah, like my life would ever be like that._

A dainty arm coming across his chest and latching on to him dispelled that thought.

Slowly, almost as if he was about to see the devil himself, Shinji lowered his gaze, following the path of the arm, until he found the blue haired girl it was attached to.

His mind reeled at the sight, spinning into an infinite loop. _I'm so dead! Mustn't run away! I'm so dead! Mustn't run away! I'm so dead! Mustn't run away! I'm so dead! Mustn't run away! _

Finally, his brain couldn't stand it anymore, silencing the runaway train of thought. This of course, allowed a small voice, often ignored by Shinji, to speak. It was the voice of confidence, and happiness. _I had sex!_

All other trains of thought stopped at that thought. Soon, neurons were firing rapidly, as the new thought just didn't compute correctly. He had sex? But he was Shinji Ikari: The Universe's Bitch. Having sex with a cute girl would violate that natural law; it would create the end of the universe. His life was about pain, and yet...

_I had a night of wild sex with Rei!_

Of course, anyone who truly knows him knows that Shinji had always been conditioned to find the raging meteorite that had yet to come through the silver lining of the cloud.

_Oh, this'll cost me. I'm a dead man now._

His mind suddenly became creating images of a deranged Asuka holding a butcher's knife above his prostrate form, Rei in the background crying about how he took advantage of her.

It was safe to say that the true memory of what had occurred last night was obscured by the visions of Hell on Earth.

Unconsciously, he ended up hugging Rei a little closer to him, still not having realized that his arm was around her nude form. Reality fell upon him as he heard her speak, though it was a tired mumble.

"Not again, Anata. I'm too tired. Go to sleep."

He nearly fell into a panic at hearing those words, his mind decided; however, to simply settle for passing out.

* * *

Rei sighed as she felt the hot waters of the tub envelop her. Despite the sleep, she had woken up tired, sore, and thoroughly exhausted. _Anata was...active. I did not expect that level of participation, or his...ability to adapt._

Rei found herself smiling as large as her face could allow; both from the memory what they did last night, and the relaxing embrace of the tub.

As she left the bathroom, she noticed the soreness was lessened, but the hot bath had done nothing for her tiredness and exhaustion. She had not received much sleep last night, as Shinji continued longer than what her research with female NERV personnel had suggested. Shinji did not turn out to be a "minute-man", a "one hit wonder", or a "disappointment that would sever any desire for the male gender".

As it stood now, she was tired enough to want to call off from school, but the teacher had informed them that he would expect a preliminary report about their project today. _I will sleep in class. The information he covers is irrelevant to any future plans for me or Anata._ It was the smells coming from the kitchen that confirmed how hungry she was. The smell of frying meat—a smell that normally would make her slightly queasy—now had her mouth watering. "Is breakfast ready, Anata?"

She took in the sights before her in the kitchen. Misato was passed out on the breakfast table, a half full beer can in her hand, loud snores emanating from her mouth. PenPen was on the floor, a beer can perched on his beak, occasionally opening an eye to see what was going on, before emitting a weak squawk and appearing to go back to sleep.

Shinji jumped in surprise however, before stuttering a large apology and resuming his breakfast preparations.

Rei smiled, but refrained from assisting him in cooking, preferring to start the massive clean up job that Misato had made necessary with her penguin drinking games. As Rei tossed another can in the large trash bag after empting what little had remained in it down the drain, she found herself amazed. _The amount the Major has consumed is phenomenal. Should she not be dead?_

As she finished wiping down what she could of the table, Shinji brought over the plates and bowls of breakfast food and sat them down. He felt Rei take the seat beside him, but was more astounded as she had taken a huge portion of food—including meat—and was currently consuming it in a way many far more expected from a starving man than the vegetarian pilot. "Um, Rei...you're eating meat."

She smiled at him, which seemed to throw him into a large state of shock. "You were more active last night than my studies suggested. I believe that today, I will consume meat." As Shinji appeared to be preparing for another stuttering session with apologies, Rei silenced him by placing her fingers to his lips. "I enjoyed last night, Anata. It was...pleasurable and interesting."

Before Shinji could respond, the front door opened, revealing an enraged Asuka. She stormed past the kitchen, loudly arguing with no one as she stormed into her room, gathered her bathing supplies, and entered the bathroom, slamming the door shut.

Shinji decided discretion was the better part of valor. "Uh, maybe we shouldn't be here when she comes out."

Rei nodded. "I agree."

When Asuka came out of the bathroom, she found a plate set for her on the table, the couple gone, and PenPen slowly coming to and wondering where his salmon was.

* * *

As class was called to attention and role taken, Rei appeared to grow upset as her name was still listed as Ayanami. _I will need to inform the school of my new marriage status._

Finally, the teacher entered, and noticed something odd. "Mr. Aida, please remove those sunglasses."

Quietly, the boy did so, revealing a massive black eye.

Asuka soon found herself the focus of everyone's attention. "Ms. Souryu, you will lose points for spousal abuse."

"HE WAS BEING PERVERTED!"

"Ms. Souryu, be quiet. I want no sound from you! Now, Mr. Aida, please inform me of how this happened."

Kensuke gulped audibly, but decided an A was not worth what Asuka would do to him after class anyway. "Um, I was showing her the lone movie from the Gundam Muyo! series, when we fell asleep. Well, we woke up...and she was hugging me—"

Asuka made a mad leap across the classroom, arms poised to deliver a blow to Kensuke, before the teacher plucked her out of the air, holding her by the back of her shirt. "Ms. Souryu, I expected an Eva pilot to be able to follow a simple order like be quiet. But I guess I should see if we can get you transferred to Mr. Hino's class."

Everyone in the classroom shook at the mention of that name. Mr. Hino had what were politically referred to as "special" children. The rest of the world referred to them as future psychos. The children were mal tempered, abusive, angry, anti-social...

Come to think of it, most of the students were now wondering why Asuka wasn't in it already.

"Now, Mr. Aida, please continue. Ms. Souryu, one more word, and you **will** be in Mr. Hino's class from now on."

Kensuke looked back at Asuka, who was giving a death glare and appearing fearful at the same time. "Well, I woke up first, and tried to get away because I knew she'd kill me if she woke up first." Asuka appeared to get ready to say something, but a glance from the teacher shut her up. "Anyway, I guess my movement woke her up. The next thing I knew, I was on the receiving end of a right hook."

"Very well, Ms. Souryu, your turn."

"The pervert was fondling my young body."

The teacher pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to fight the urge to scream. _This is not Nerima. I can handle weird students without acting like the ones at Furinkan._ "Okay, the two of you will meet me in my office after school for some marriage counseling. There will be no accepted excuses. Ms. Souryu, should Mr. Aida come to class once more with any sort of physical injuries, I will fail you for this assignment."

"But—"

"Ms. Souryu! I do not care how things may have been where you came from. I don't give a rat's ass if you are a pilot for NERV. But I will not have a student running amuck and attacking her fellow students simply because she has the social control of a two-year-old. Now you will shut up, sit down, and act like a civilized human, or so help me, I will find a class worse than Mr. Hino's and have you transferred to that. Do I make myself clear?"

Asuka grumbled and sat down, but the answer was insufficient for the teacher. "Ms. Souryu. I did not clearly hear your answer."

"YES!"

He clapped his hands. "Good, see, people can learn." He made his way back to his desk. "Now, let us see how some of the other marriages are going. Mr. Ikari, Ms. Ayanami, how goes your marriage so far?"

Shinji immediately crouched into the fetal position, knowing that no force—short of Third Impact—would stop Rei from saying what the universe would dictate she needed to say. _And here comes the meteorite._

"I have acquired a marriage certificate, we have set up residence within Shinji-kun's apartment, as it is safer and maintained much better than my old one. We have not had a chance to discuss much about children or future job prospects, but we are confident we will be ready when it comes time to plan our future past high school."

Shinji blinked. She hadn't said—

"Also, we consummated our marriage last night. Anata was very active." Everything fell silent. "May I be excused? I wish to return to our apartment and catch up on the sleep I missed last night."

Shinji tried to force himself into a smaller ball.

The teacher nodded, knowing that this had to be some dream. Yes, his roommate had spiked the water again, and he was hallucinating.

Rei stood up and moved over to Shinji. "Anata, you will come as well. I know you are not fully rested, and we do have sync tests at four."

Shinji weakly stood up and followed Rei, looking more like a condemned prisoner than a happily married man.

The teacher sat at his desk again after shutting the door. He reached into an open drawer and pulled out a bottle of liquor, a shot glass, and a loaded pistol. "Open your history text books and read pages one through 400. The first one of you that asks about what had just happened, I will shoot you. Now, begin."

* * *

Omake by K+M 4ever:

"Mr. Ikari, and Miss Ayanami, will you tell what has happened so far?" said the teacher.

Shinji just started sliding underneath his desk and curled up into a ball then Rei stood up and said.

"We have officially made this marriage legal, and I have moved into Anata's apartment for more stability, because I don't think my old house would have been able to take mine and Anata's love making."

Shinji hearing this started whimpering and rolling back and forth

"I am dead!" was the last thing Shinji said before he was pulled up by Rei and heard her resume her discussion.

"I and Anata haven't had enough time to learn new techniques. May we be excused?" said Rei, smiling very devilishly. Shinji's face went pale at that comment.

"OH NO! PLEASE, TEACHER, LET ME STAY HERE? PLEASE!" said Shinji, pleading with his teacher

But his teacher just smiled and said

"Fine, fine. Now, let's get started on history. Everyone, open your book to page 400." Then loud noises where heard as Shinji screamed for Rei to let him go as she dragged him back home.

"What I said is final, Anata. I want to learn new things."

* * *

Omake from Shinji the Good Sharer:

Kensuke was scared, he was horrified, and he knew he was going to have a run in with section 2. He looked at the marriage certificate then to his new "wife" and started sobbing. Mr. Hino had been chosen to give the counseling. "Why? Why would you do this to me?"

Mr. Hino smiled coldly through his goatee and horns while holding his pitchfork. "Well it worked for Ayanami and Ikari, who knows she might take up drinking and you could actually get something OTHER than a kick to the balls as a form of sex."

Asuka only fumed more as Kensuke curled up into a little ball and sobbed in horror.

* * *

Omake by Lord Raa:

An exhausted looking Shinji sat slumped at his desk.

"Yo, Shin-man, what happened to you?" Touji asked as he walked up to the pilot with his bruised friend.

"What happened to Kensuke? He looks like asked Ryoga Hibiki for a BLT," Shinji said in a tired voice.

"The Devil," the standing boys replied in unison.

"Ah."

"So why do you look so knackered?"

"Rei," Shinji replied with a sigh.

"Well what did she do? She making you tidy up the apartment?" asked Kensuke.

"Yeah, but that's not a problem," Shinji yawned. "She got drunk with Misato last night and they demanded that I show them a good time as it was part of my husbandly duties."

"You did it with Misato AND Rei?" the class perverts shouted, drawing the teacher's attention.

"Did I hear that correctly, Ikari-kun?" the teacher asked, standing up from behind his desk. "Did you indeed engage in sexual relations with both Miss Katsuragi and Miss Ayanami at the same time?"

"Y-yes," Shinji gulped nervously as he felt the entire class's attention on him. "Did I fail in the assignment?"

"Not at all," the teacher shook his head. "You and Miss Ayanami have both acquired enough credit to pass this assignment."

"Why?" Shinji asked confused.

"Because, Ikari-kun," the teacher smiled, "you managed to convince your wife to participate in a threesome with another beautiful woman. The common man has dreamt of such things for throughout the ages and Mrs. And more often then not been on the receiving end of unpleasantness at the hands of his missus. In fact I heard a story that a young man in Nerima was hit by a mallet when he suggested this. That is why you pass."

* * *

Omake by ShadowBakaSama:

"Ah, Ms. Souryu, Mr. Aida, I've been thinking about your marriage problems."

"So you've decided to let me get a divorce?" Asuka asks.

"No, I've studied the situation and decided that a reversal of roles might solve your problems. So I've acquired a few things to help you out tonight." The teacher hands Kensuke a packet of powder and gives Asuka a similar packet and a box of condoms.

"These are Instant Jusenkyo powders. I want you to use then tonight after you have your baths, just mix with cold water and dump them over your heads and no using hot water until morning."

"Uhm, Sensei, just what are these supposed to do? And why did you give the condoms to Asuka?"

"Well, since Ms. Souryu seems to be the more dominant and forceful partner in your marriage, it might be better if she wore the pants in the family, as it were. It will be self-explanatory after you use the packets tonight."

_Later..._

Asuka and Kensuke stand facing each other, in bathrobes, each with a glass of water in their hands.

"All right! Let's get this over with!" Asuka growls.

"Yeah, he said if we do this he'll give us a passing grade. So here goes."

#Splash# #Splash#

"Ahhh! It's gone! It's Gone!"  
"Arrggh! What is this thing?"

Kensuke pulls open her robe and exposes her breasts then reaches down and feels for something between her legs.

Asuka-kun looks at Kensuke-chan and feels something unfamiliar getting larger and stiffening and looks down to see his robe tenting out from his crotch, then smiles and grabs the box of condoms in one hand and Kensuke's robe in the other and starts towards the bedroom.

"No! No! This can't be happening!"

"Come on! You're my bitch tonight!"

* * *


	5. The Other Woman

"**I Do"**

**Chapter 5**

**The Other Woman**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

Also, please check out my other stories. I try to keep a constant level of dedication to all of them.

* * *

Asuka was pissed.

While this was not unusual, her reason was.

The doll...the emotionless doll...had married Shinji.

Not only that, but she had bedded him as well.

No, Asuka Langley Souryu did not take second place to an emotionless doll. She would not lose, even the little worm known as Shinji Ikari, to the doll.

He was her prize. Did she not spend countless hours trying to make him into a better person through negative reinforcement? Did she not share her first kiss with him? Did she not pilot an EVA with him; allow him into her precious Unit 02?

But no, apparently it was not enough to keep the doll from claiming what was hers. Somehow, Wondergirl had tricked Shinji into it. And now, Asuka would have to get him back.

But to get him back, she would sadly need help. The teacher was worthless, as he had passed out two hours after class started, mumbling about pineapples, bombs, and asshole kendo captains. Kensuke had reminded her they had "counseling" after school, but her glare silenced him.

So she was now here at NERV, at the office of the only person who she would trust to help her. As he opened his door, she got to the point before he could greet her. "Kaji, I need your help to seduce Shinji away from his doll wife, Wondergirl."

The spy known as Kaji Ryouji blinked. He had been preparing to give Asuka an excuse why he had to leave quickly. After all, with Gendo holed up in the infirmary for the next month, he would have an easier time getting the information the Japanese government and SEELE desired of him.

However, this sounded too good to pass up. If Ikari had married Ayanami, then SEELE would love this, as it showed Gendo was either up to something new, or completely out of control. "Um, sure. Now, why don't you explain this to me?"

As he shut his door, he knew today was going to be a good day.

* * *

Shinji slowly made his way into the kitchen, bath robe wrapped around him. When he had left school with Rei, they had only made a side trip to the store for lunch before heading home and sleeping. He discovered his sheets had been changed...most likely by Rei while he was cooking breakfast, and didn't even notice until both him and Rei were back under the covers that they were both nude.

He fell asleep before the awkwardness got to him.

Now, he needed to prepare them lunch. Rei had asked for a small portion of meat, saying she wanted to acquire the taste so that they could share more types of meals together.

Of course, he noticed two things immediately upon entering the kitchen.

One, Misato was still passed out on the table.

Two, PenPen was on the ground with a bruised eye, showing that poking Asuka when upset was perhaps not the brightest idea the penguin had had.

Sighing, he pulled the newly purchased salmon from the fridge and began to heat it up in the microwave. As soon as he had finished opening a beer and laying PenPen inside his room, he took the plate out, sat it on the penguin's stomach, and closed the fridge door; only the sound of the small TV inside the fridge letting him know the hot water penguin had woken up.

Opening some cans of soup, Shinji prepared as much as he dared hope with his guardian passed out. "Man, without someone forcing her to, she'd sleep all day."

Finally, a meal was made ready, and Shinji began to set it all on the trays. His wife was still in their bed asleep. _Man, that will take some getting used to._ And he would prefer to eat his last meal with her and keep Misato as far away as possible.

Plus, it was a few steps closer to the bathroom should Rei not be able to stomach a small amount of Chicken Noodle Soup.

Shinji stopped at the doorway of the kitchen. Had he come to accept the marriage? Was he really standing at a threshold to having a happy life?

"Nah, Asuka will come home and kill me."

Shinji just plastered on a smile and headed for his room. Sure, he was married, and most likely, soon to be killed in action by Asuka. So why not enjoy the last hours of his life.

Before he left, he heard a small clock go off, signaling the hour. It was followed by Misato mumbling about proving that Kaji was actually a minute-man.

Shinji shook his head as the "Too Much Information" warning light came on.

But should he survive, he now had something to tease Kaji back with.

* * *

"So, Kaji, you understand why I have to do this?"

Kaji was tempted to open up his "special" cigarettes after hearing Asuka's story. Somehow, she told him that she wanted Shinji for her own self, without making it seem like she was a hormonal teenager or that she had any desire for Shinji. "So, exactly what do you want me to do?"

"Simple, I need you to get Wondergirl here tonight so I can seduce the baka and rescue him from the doll."

_Yes, definitely smoking the good stuff later on tonight._

But there was a positive side to this. If he could use the three pilots to create enough havoc, then he would have no trouble securing the files he needed. "Okay, Asuka, I'll help you. Maybe I'll talk to Ritsuko; I think Rei might need a new sync test."

Asuka smiled and left, never once hitting on Kaji.

After getting over his depression for being ignored by the redhead, he left to talk to Ritsuko.

Then...he would light up.

* * *

Gendo was slowly going insane thanks to the latest DVD the Technician Doe had placed in the player.

Thanks to Hamtaro, soon, all hamsters would feel his wrath.

* * *

"THEY DID WHAT?"

Kaji checked his ears to make certain they were still working after Ritsuko's outburst. "Yep, married legally and enjoyed their first romantic night as man and wife. From what I heard, she gave Shinji high marks."

Ritsuko was trying hard not to freak out. True, her love interest's main project had just hopped into bed with his estranged son, proving she was not the faithful follower of Gendo's dogma she had appeared to be. Moving over to her desk, she pulled out a bottle of flavored vodka and took several shots to calm her nerves, before staring at the doomed messenger. Yes, she was pissed that she had not been informed about this, that Misato had been lacking in her responsibility, and that apparently Section 2 needed to be eliminated and replaced. "So, Shinji and Rei are—"

"Together, an item, doing it, playing slap and tickle, doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel, making—"

"I got it!' She began considering what the damage would be. Gendo might try and have Rei II eliminated and activate Rei III, which meant memory alteration, as well as a "cleaning" of the documented sources.

Of course, it hurt her that apparently, Shinji could make a virgin's first time a great experience, while Gendo was a "WAM! BAM! Thank you, Ma'am!" person.

Of course, if she had evidence that their relationship was beneficial...

"I was going to suggest bringing them in separately and testing their sync ratios, since I doubt Commander Ikari will be too happy about their relationship."

"Fine, I will call Rei in for a sync test today, and have Shinji come in tomorrow. Besides, I need to talk with both of them independently to make certain they know of possible consequences to starting a family so soon."

As Kaji left smiling, he set to making plans on which data repositories to hit tonight.

Ritsuko, meanwhile, was making plans to both dress down her friend for allowing Shinji and Rei to have sex, as well as trying to squelch an urge to find out if perhaps the newer model of Ikari was better.

* * *

Rei was lying on her husband's chest, enjoying his scent. Lunch had gone well, and after some momentary discomfort, she had managed to keep the soup inside her stomach. While the prospect of eating meat seemed wrong to her, she was willing to try to so as to lower her husband's discomfort on the subject.

As her phone rang, she rolled over on the bed, since Shinji had taken the side against the wall, and answered the phone.

She had a small tinge of anger in her voice. She was enjoying her private time with her husband, and while sleep was not as...enjoyable...as sex, she still enjoyed the sensation of simply holding him. "Yes?"

"Is it necessary?"

"I understand. I shall come at the determined time."

"Thank you."

She hung up the phone, and proceeded to set the alarm clock to wake her up in an hour. She would be hard pressed, but she would get to enjoy a little more time with her Anata.

Quickly thinking, she dialed the number to Section 2, and had them proceed to do surveillance on Shinji when she left. After all, Pilot Souryu was no doubtedly going to be upset with him.

She always was.

"Perhaps I should help her marriage as well. If it has helped me, surely it will help her."

She resolved to do just that as she clutched her husband again. Yes, getting Asuka in a happy marriage was the best for everyone.

* * *

Asuka arrived home, placing her newly acquired wears in her bedroom, before waking up Misato. She needed to make certain her guardian was gone, as it would not help her plans to seduce Shinji. "Misato, didn't you need to be at work...like eight hours ago?"

"Huh? What?" Misato was still recovering from her latest drinking binge.

"Misato, it's two in the afternoon."

"ACK! I'M LATE!" Asuka began rubbing her but after she landed on it, watching as Misato ran around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to quickly dress and head off to work.

Smiling to herself as her guardian left, she made her way to her room. Taking one last look at Shinji's door, she entered her room. "Now, should I wear the see-thru negligee, or the crotchless panties? Whatever I do, I must work my hardest to save the baka."

Hey, she believed it.

* * *

As the guards at Section 2 were watching, they sat back in their chairs. "Now **that** was a great episode. I honestly didn't think Sponge Bob would survive."

"Me too. Now stop hogging the weed."

"What's on next?"

"Um...Jerry Springer. The subject is 'I fell in love with another man's fiancée'. Kind of weird."

"Hey! Weren't we supposed to be doing something?"

"Nah! If it was important, we would have remembered it."

"Yeah!"

"JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!"

* * *

As Rei left her home, she had a sudden bad feeling that Shinji was in trouble. But that made no sense. After all, Section 2 was watching him.

Shaking her head, she entered the NERV compound. Even if she knew she was being overly nervous, she would still endeavor to complete her needed tasks.

Besides, once she was inside Unit 00, she could have the Section 2 security feeds from the apartment forwarded to her display inside the entry plug. If for nothing else, it would ease this feeling of distress she had.

As the elevator began to descend, she dialed up Section 2. "What is the current status of Pilot Ikari?"

"_He's fine."_

"Is Pilot Souryu endangering him?"

"_Nope, everything's fine."_

"Very well."

Oddly, the call just made her more nervous.

* * *

"Who was that?"

"Oh, the albino pilot. She's worried about the Ikari kid."

"What? Like anything would ever happen to him. Now if that guardian of his would just finally throw him down and have her way with him—"

"Nah, she's still stuck on that Kaji-asshole. Now stop talking, Jerry's about to introduce that Ukyo girl's fiancé."

"Man, I never would have guessed Tsubasa was a guy."

"_Now let's bring out...Ranma!"_

"JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!"

* * *

Shinji slowly began to set out dinner. Rei would be gone for most of the day with her sync tests, so he would set some aside for her.

Still, he felt bad. He wished that he had gone in with her; a first for him: actually wanting to pilot EVA. True, it was more to spend time with his wife. _Still not used to that._

Of course, it also had something to do with the fact he was certain Asuka was home.

Yes, he would admit self-preservation played a role in that decision.

Sighing, he gave PenPen his meal and shut the fridge door, noticing how the hot water fowl was enjoying the pampering he was receiving. _Well, maybe from now on he'll be nicer to me when Asuka nails me again._

Though he doubted it. The redheaded pilot had yet to confront him on not only his marriage to Rei, but the resulting acknowledgement that they had had...relations. If anything, it symbolized that the storm was still out to see, preparing to drown Shinji in a tsunami of rage and angry fists.

And while his ego had received a boost when Rei commented on his performance last night—a small boost mind you—he was still uncertain about things. Would she divorce him when the assignment was over? Why exactly did she take the assignment so...literally? Why was she doing all that she was doing?

And of course: when would this happy little moment in his painful existence end?

"Oh, Shinji?"

_Right about now._

Shinji slowly turned around, seeing Asuka standing in the doorway, blocking his only route of escape, and wearing a large housecoat. A locking chain sound was all he needed to hear to tell him that PenPen had abandoned him to his fate. _FUCKING PENGUIN!_ "Um...Asuka...how can I...help you?" He tried to not show or feel fear. After all, the German might be able to smell that fear and attack.

Her smile did little to calm the nerves of the pilot of Unit 01. "Shinji, my sweet baka, I have a little present for you."

_I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! _"Um, you don't need to get me anything, Asuka." _I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! _

"Oh, but I needed to do this for you, Shinji." She then dropped the housecoat to the floor, revealing the outfit she had on underneath.

It was a full body fishnet stocking that was very see-thru; a leather loin cloth covered her waist with metal studs, a set of small chains covering her breasts...sort of.

He was fighting the urge to lose control and pass out. _I'm married! It's a trap!_ "Um...it is...very nice, Asuka. Um, I'm sure Kaji will love it."

Smiling, she advanced on her prey. "It's not for him, lover boy. It...is...for...you."

_I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! _

* * *

Omake #1 by Hawk:

"Now that was a great episode! I honestly thought that she'd jump him the moment they hit the sack!" Agent One exclaimed, leaning back in his seat as he observed the two pilots sleeping peacefully.

"I keep telling you, it's not a reality soap. We are working for a covert organization working to save the planet from the threat of these 'angels' and our job is to keep an eye on the pilots." Agent Two groaned.

"Yeah, yeah. So you keep telling me. I still don't believe it." Agent One retorted. "Besides, you're the one who brought the popcorn."

"I was feeling peckish..." Agent two muttered with faint hints of embarrassment, popping a few kernels into his mouth, enjoying the salty flavor.

"What's on next?" Agent One asked.

"Not a reality soap!" Agent Two snapped. "I guess we can watch the kitchen for a while, I always get a kick out of seeing that penguin pick Misato's pockets."

"What do you suppose he does with the money?" Agent One asked with a befuddled expression.

"I intercepted this in the mail yesterday." Agent Two gloated, snatching a DVD from the shelf behind him.

"'Horny Penguin Nuns III - The Last Cummin'." Agent One quoted off the cover. "'Watch these holy birds take it all the way', 'The Daily Penguin rates this movie five salmons and four trouts', 'You have never seen Penguina del Rio like this'." he continued, then shook his head. "Why is the cover sticky?" he asked after a few moments, peering intently at the plastic cover.

"Ah... Neveryoumindaboutthat!" Agent Two snapped and took the DVD back, carefully putting it back on the shelf he'd taken it from. "Now, let's see if we can angle one of the cameras down Misato's cleavage!" he hastily added, to divert the other agent's attention from the DVD.

"Oh, yeah! That'll do wonders for the ratings!" Agent One approved enthusiastically.

"We're not editors for a reality soap. How often do I have to tell you that?" Agent Two groaned.

* * *

Omake #2 by Hawk:

**"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**

"Wah!" Shinji exclaimed as the unexpected sound made him loose his balance and stumble. His head swiveled around towards the direction he'd heard the howl of anguish from.

Through the reinforced walls of the apartment, made to withstand a direct hit from an 80mm shell.

Through several skyscrapers, built to remain standing even in the midst of a war for mankind's very survival.

Across nearly a third of Tokyo-3.

**"I AM A DEAD MAN!"**

"Wow, Aida-kun certainly has a healthy set of lungs on him." Misato commented from the breakfast table.

"Kensuke?" Shinji exclaimed, blinked and realized that his sexy guardian was correct. That had indeed been Kensuke. But just what could have upset his young friend to such a degree?

**"ASUKA IS GOING TO KILL ME! MARRIED, TO HER! THE RED DEVIL!"**

"Ah." Shinji said as realization struck. He turned away from the stove and glanced over at Rei, who was seated at the breakfast table, calmly reading the morning newspaper as she waited for breakfast to be served. "Rei. You wouldn't have something to do with Kensuke and Asuka getting married, now would you?" he asked.

"Indeed, dearest. I discovered that the two of them had not yet been properly wed, so I informed city hall that the two of them were in fact married and requested that they send confirmation of this to both of them posthaste." Rei replied.

"Oh? How did you manage that?" Misato asked.

"I showed them my NERV ID and informed them that piloting an Evangelion is tricky business. Keeping track of the EVA's feet is a task that demands much concentration and accidents do happen from time to time." Rei stated calmly. "After I proceeded to inform the clerk and his manager that I knew where their homes were located, they became most helpful."

"Does Asuka know yet?" Shinji asked.

**_+Cli-click+_**

The sound of a pump-action shotgun loading a round into the chamber was deafening in the kitchen, as Asuka quite calmly strode through the kitchen, heading for the door.

"Ah. Guess that answers my question..." Shinji mumbled under his breath, afraid to say or do **anything** that would shift Asuka's attention to him.

Misato had no such qualms, however.

"Going somewhere, Asuka?" she asked.

"Yes. I'm going out to buy myself a couple of presents to get over the fact that I turned out to be a widow at such a young age." Asuka cheerfully replied.

"Aida-kun is still alive." Misato pointed out.

"Not for much longer." Asuka said and slammed the door shut behind her.

* * *

Omake by Lord Raa:

Ritsuko pondered the results of Rei's latest sync test. "She's improved considerably since the last one. Perhaps allowing them to stay together might not be such a bad idea."

A knock on her office door made her look up.

"Yes?"

The door opened to reveal Rei looking at the blonde with a concerned look on her face.

"Is there something I can do to help you Rei?"

Rei advanced to Ritsuko's desk. "I have seen the way you have been looking at Shinji-kun since you found out about our marriage."

"And?" Ritsuko asked, feeling slightly unnerved by the tone of Rei's voice.

"I understand that you are curious about his abilities as a lover. You wish to compare and contrast with his father," Rei said with a knowing smile.

"I never said that," Ritsuko protested.

"That is true, but I can see by the look in your eye that you are jealous that I bagged the Ikari family love machine. I will allow you to enjoy a night with my husband. For a price."

"What are you talking about?" Ritsuko feigned ignorance.

"I will rent out Shinji-kun to you for one night for 15,000 yen. I want him fed and back in one piece before 2.30 am," Rei explained. "A minute later and you will ruin it for everyone."

"Ruin it for everyone?" Ritsuko parroted. "What do you mean?"

"If people cannot abide by my rules, then I will have no choice but to take my husband off the rental market."

"That's pretty cold," the blonde noted.

"But it is in the Nabiki Tendo Guide to Exploiting Your Family for Fun and Profit," Rei smiled as she pulled out a copy of the book in question.

* * *

Omake by Shadowbakasama:

"I have something else for you as well." Asuka says as she stalks Shinji.

"W-what else?"

"Well, Sensei gave Kensuke and me these marriage aids." Asuka tells him as she gets a couple of water bottles from the fridge. "When I showed them to Kaji he went and retrieved an Artifact that was confiscated from the Musk terrorists in China. He said it would enhance the performance of these powders. Although I am curious as to why using a ladle would increase the potency of these drink powders." 'Of course he also said that this would break up the marriage between Shinji and the Wonder Doll, but he didn't tell me how.'

"So we drink them?" Shinji asks as he looks for an escape.

"Not exactly." she replies as she pops the spout on one bottle and squeezes the bottle spraying Shinji with a stream of water.

"Ahh! You got me wet!" Shinji yells in a high pitch of voice than usual.

"And now for me." Asuka says opening her bottle and pouring it over her head.

Asuka grows about 4 inches in height and her chest and shoulders expand as her breasts shrink, her muscles bulk up and she groans in pain. "Arh. It made my thong shrink! Oh man! Talk about riding up! Ouch!"

Of course Shinji is seeing the change and hearing the lower voice of Asuka and looks down to see her, ugh scratch that, his thong bulging out in front. Looking a little lower she sees how her wet shirt is molded to her perky breasts and how the cold water is making her nipples stand out. Lifting her hands to her breasts Shinji gives them a little squeeze and checks out the heft and estimates that she will need a C-cup, then her mind decides it's been a tough day and it's time to shut down.

#Thump#

Meanwhile Asuka is pulling out her thong to get a little relief and notices a few changes. 'Bigger, stronger hands. /Check. / Large uh package. /Check. / OK, Houston we have a problem. /No shit Sherlock. /' Looking up and seeing the Shinji isn't going anywhere for awhile, Asuka goes to the bathroom to get out of his suddenly inappropriate clothing.

Standing in the buff in front of the mirror Asuka checks out the new body. 'I look stronger than Touji.' Asuka thinks as he looks at his muscles. "Of course I'm half German; I'm naturally going to be larger than most Japanese. And I've always exercised, now, as a man, I have the muscles to show for it."

Putting on a robe Asuka goes out to check on Shinji and maybe get a little something to drink. "Yeah, I could _really_ use a stiff drink about now."

"Ahh look at little Shinji-chan." Asuka says while dragging the girl over to the couch. "I wonder where the green hair came from?"

After laying Shinji on the couch Asuka goes after a six-pack of lager and settles into the other chair. #Pop-fisss# #Chug-chug-chug# "Ahh. That hits the spot. Hey! Shinji!"

"What!" Shinji yells back. "Man what happened?" She moans after sitting up to fast.

"You fainted like a little girl." Asuka informs her. "Here, I think you need a beer."

"Beer? Yeah, sounds good. Gimme." Shinji snags the 16 oz lager that Asuka tossed to her. "You didn't shake this up did you?"

"Nah." #Pop-Fizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz#

"Ahhh!" Shinji yells as the beer foams all over and soaks her shirt and pants.

"Didn't need to, just throwing it to you was enough." Asuka remarks trying to hold in his laughter. "This brand has a really good head of foam when poured, so even tossing it around will get it to spew."

"You bitch!" Shinji hisses at him.

"Ah ah. Now I'm a _Son of a Bitch._ Get it right." Asuka replies shaking a finger at the cute girl. "Now let's get you out of those wet clothes." He says while pulling Shinji from to couch and pushing her towards the bathroom.

"I'll make you another drink!" Asuka yells to Shinji in the bathroom while looking thru the drink fridge. "Hmm, beer, beer, beer, bourbon. Ahh Boilermaker! Heh heh heh. The first rule of scoring on a date: Get the girl hammered." So he gets the bourbon and beer out, then pulls out a large pitcher and some mugs. "She'll never know what hit her. Heh heh heh."

_Later ..._

Shinji woke up with a terrible headache. The light was too bright, her mouth was dry, her stomach was unsettled, and she was really sore, all over, but especially in her groin. 'I didn't drink that much did I? Shows me to try and out drink Asuka.' "Ugh."

"Well, looks like Shin-chan is up."

Shinji looks over and sees a buff looking red-haired Gaijin dude in her bed. "Wha-what happened?"

"You should have taken it easier on those Boilermakers."

"I thought it was just beer."

"Well that's still a poor excuse for forgetting our wedding night Shin-chan."

**_"NANI!"_** Shinji pulls the sheets off and sees that she is naked, he is naked, and that that soreness in her groin was explained by the red stain on the sheets. _"NOOOOOO!"_


	6. Stand By Your Man

"**I Do"**

**Chapter 6**

**Stand By Your Man**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

Also, please check out my other stories. I try to keep a constant level of dedication to all of them.

* * *

Shinji would normally tell you that only a certain amount of things scared him.

Piloting Unit 01...

Facing an Angel in battle...

Failing someone who really needed him...

Asuka...

Well, he had a new fear.

Apparently, somewhere between when Rei left and he entered the kitchen, he had been sucked into a parallel reality. His proof was the normally feisty and violent pilot of Unit 02, standing in the doorway and blocking his only escape route, wearing very little.

She was also exposing this fact to him as she shifted slightly, revealing that it was only the chains that were hiding her modesty...well, not anymore.

Only two things...well, three things were going through his mind.

The first—and by far, the weakest voice—stated that Asuka was nearly naked in front of him, trying to jump-start a libido worn out from last night, when it had been brought back from the dead.

The second—and by far, the loudest voice—stated that he was going to be killed as soon as Asuka came back to reality. Obviously, the girl was either drugged, drunk, or suffering a head injury or fever. When she returned to normal, she **would** castrate him.

The third—and newest voice—simply promised God as much pain as possible for placing him in this hell.

As Asuka advanced towards him, the third voice grew louder.

* * *

PenPen turned up the small TV inside his room, trying to drown out the sounds he knew would soon be coming.

He liked the kind one, he really did. He gave him food, allowed him to go first in bathing, and scratched his back when Misato's boots weren't around.

He was the perfect Master.

Too bad the angry one had set her sights on him.

He would be missed.

* * *

"So," continued Ritsuko, "you are saying you are completely innocent about this."

Misato was having a bad day. She had a bad hangover, was hungry since she hadn't gotten any breakfast or lunch, and was just yelled at by her best friend for allowing Shinji and Rei to have sex. _Wow, never knew he had it in him...or she had it in her...wait, was that a joke?_ "Um...as the one in charge, I say everything is fine."

"Everything is not fine, Misato!" screamed Ritsuko. "Do you know what this could do? What if Rei gets pregnant? What if Shinji loses concentration in battle if Rei is injured, or vice versa?"

"Nothing to worry about," she said dismissively, wanting to find a vending machine and break it open. "Actually, I say they will fight that much harder to make certain the other is safe."

"Dr. Akagi?"

She stopped her prepared retort to Misato, to answer Rei's call. "Yes, Rei?"

"Could you please patch me in to Section 2? I am uncertain as to the safety of Anata, as he is alone with Pilot Souryu."

"Rei, I'm sorry, but this is a sync test. I—" She was cut off as Rei disconnected from her end.

"Well, Ritsuko, looks like you upset the newlywed."

She soon began to yell at Misato again.

* * *

Rei was perturbed. She merely wanted to check in on her husband, as was demanded by the uneasy feelings she was having at his current whereabouts. She switched to a private line that only her EVA had, which enabled her to connect directly to the MAGI system. "Connect me directly to Section 2."

She waited for a few seconds, but no one was acknowledging her. "Override and activate connection."

"JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!"

"Man, that Ranma guy makes a hot girl!"

"Man, wish I had that curse!"

A small twitch in Rei's left eye began to grow. "Excuse me."

"Man, look at that Shampoo girl!"

"Damn, she is hot!"

"Excuse me!"

"But what about that Akane girl?"

"Man, she is a raging lesbian if I ever saw one."

"YOU WILL GIVE ME YOUR FULL ATTENTION OR I WILL HAVE YOU DRAGGED TO TOKYO-2 BY YOUR PRIVATES!"

The guys of Section 2 immediately went quiet, and turned to face the monitor showing the very twitchy and angry pilot of Unit 00. "Um...yes, ma'am?"

She smiled in such a way; two of the group knew they would need to change their pants soon. "I wish for a direct feed from the surveillance on the home of my husband, Pilot Ikari."

"Y-y-y-yes, ma'am."

As her display shifted, she began combing through the myriad of cameras to locate her husband. _I must remember to remove these cameras from the bedroom, as well as any other place I may wish to be intimate with Anata._

She froze at the image being sent by Camera 12-B-6.

Shinji was not in the kitchen, but in the front room, having dived past Asuka, but not recovering quickly enough to avoid her attack. He was down on his back, as the German pilot crawled up his body on all fours, her outfit leaving little to the imagination.

The twitch returned with a vengeance as she watched. Rei then felt an overwhelming amount of emotion, trying to identify it.

Happiness? Nope, definitely not.

Sadness? Nope, seeing Asuka attack Shinji was not sad.

Anger? It did feel close to what she had felt when Shinji had insulted the Commander that time.

But this emotion was far stronger...and directed fully at the redheaded pilot.

_Pilot Souryu is attempting to seduce Shinji. Why? Is Aida not enough for her? She has not asked for permission, and she is deviating from the assignment._

_The most likely reason is that she has either snapped—which is a strong possibility from her psych profile—or she is attempting to steal Anata from me because she has found her husband inferior._

_This...is not acceptable. She is interfering in my scenario._

_Anata...is...**MINE!**_

* * *

"I'm telling you, Ritsuko," confidently proclaimed Misato, "they are good for each other. What's the worst that could happen?"

Misato and Ritsuko were brought out of their argument when Maya yelled to them. "Unit 00 is launching!"

"WHAT?" both screamed as they ran to the main console. "Rei, what are you doing?" asked the frantic Ritsuko.

"Anata is in trouble. Section 2 surveillance shows that Pilot Souryu is attempting to seduce Anata and steal him from me. This cannot be allowed. That is all." With that, Rei cut communication and disabled remote access to her EVA: another skill only she knew about.

Ritsuko paused from her frantic attempts to regain control over Unit 00 via remote to stare at Misato. "'What's the worst that could happen' you say. I bet you didn't know about this either, huh?"

"Hey, what are the odds Asuka would do that?"

Ritsuko sighed as she began to retake control again. It was sadly obvious how little of those psych profiles Misato actually read. "Well, perhaps you would like to call home and inform Asuka that Rei is coming with her EVA to teach her a lesson." Ritsuko decided to say something that would actually make the temporary Commander of NERV move. "Perhaps before Rei tears apart your building to get to them."

It worked.

"SOMEONE GET ME A PHONE LINE NOW!"

* * *

Asuka smiled as she nibbled on Shinji's left earlobe. The baka had been unable to escape her, stunned by her tactics. She already had a...obvious...indication that he enjoyed her outfit, as well as the attention she was graciously giving him.

Already, she had been able to...remove...several items of his clothing. The only thing remaining between her and her goal of securing Shinji for herself was his boxers.

Soon, she would claim ownership of him, make him never again need to seek comfort from the doll.

He was hers by all rights, and now she was going to prove it.

If only that damn phone would stop ringing, and Shinji would stop trying to keep his boxers on.

* * *

Unit 00 was pissed.

Okay, the soul of Dr. Naoko Akagi had many reasons to be pissed. Her daughter was banging her former love interest. He spurned her to focus on his precious Rei. He had her absorbed by Unit 00 when she was no longer useful to him.

Spurned did not begin to describe the woman's disposition since then.

Now, thanks to the memories of Rei, she learned how truly pathetic Gendo had been in bed.

_I was with the wrong Ikari!_

This did little to help her confidence. Imagine finding out that the man who you had been sleeping with was so bad, a fourteen year old virgin was better on his first try than him.

It didn't help to find out that you were with the Minuteman of the family, while another girl got the Navy Seal.

So, what would she do now?

Rei had turned against Gendo, and was willing to do anything to protect her new light. She was currently piloting with fierce intent on removing another new obstacle against that light: Pilot Souryu.

Normally, the soul bonded to Unit 00 would fight against Rei, if for nothing else than spite.

Now, it would support her.

After all, Unit 02 had always been too bitchy for her tastes. _So, you think your daughter is so fucking wonderful, huh? Well, we'll see how wonderful she is dangling from a progressive knife in her underwear._

Silly girl, she was thinking Asuka was wearing them.

* * *

Shinji slammed his door shut, locking it. Bracing himself against it to further hold off the enraged and...confused...pilot of Unit 02, he took stock at what had so far occurred.

As far as he could tell, Asuka appeared to be suffering from a mental break of some sorts. She was intent on...performing acts...with him, which would violate his marriage, as well as went against the normal nature of the Second Child. Her outfit indicated she had put time into this, which either indicated this was premeditated—which didn't make sense to Shinji—or she was under some sort of control.

_Yes! She's under control of an Angel! They are making her sleep with me...because...because..._

_No idea, but they have to be controlling her._

"Dear, open up, so that I can give you a present," said Asuka in a sing-song voice.

It reminded Shinji of a movie he once saw. Any moment now, she would break through the door with an ax, saying "Here's Johnny!", and proceed to do whatever the Angels had set her to do.

She had nearly succeeded in the living room. Asuka had decided to stop playing with him and rip the boxers off. Doing so, she overestimated the strength she would need, and ended up falling backwards with the torn pair of under shorts, allowing Shinji time to run into his room and lock the door.

"Um...Asuka...you aren't yourself. Don't worry, we'll find a way to fix this."

"Oh, I know how to fix this, Shinji."

"You do!" _Great, she is fighting back!_

"I just need to take you for hours, until we fall exhausted to the bed, as we bask in the afterglow of the great sex we'll have had."

_Shit!_

He needed to relax and come up with a plan. He considered jumping out the window, but they were too high up for him to survive.

_That's Plan B then._

Well, he had a lock on his door, and the place had been made to hold back a small army. He should be safe from one possessed German girl.

Of course, he ran for the window when he heard the one part he had forgotten.

The keys to the rooms were hanging outside of the room.

Too late, Shinji realized that his window was too small to let him out.

"I'll get you for this, God. I'll kill every Angel I see, make certain Unit 01 steps on any church I find. I will have payback. This I swear."

"Hello, Lover Boy!"

"EEP!"

* * *

If you listen quietly, every time a bell rings, God is laughing at someone.

Right now, his TV was focused on one poor boy, which was slowly turning to see a redheaded demon standing in his doorway, twirling a set of keys in one hand, with a pair of handcuffs in the other. "Look what Misato left in the open. My, I wonder what we could do with these? Has my Shinji been a bad, bad, boy?"

Many bells began ringing.

* * *

Rei entered in yet another command as she switched to yet another umbilical cable. _This is tiresome._

Already, she had made it near the apartment. Sure, she had accidentally crushed three cars, a VTOL, an ice cream van—_It never let me sleep late_—a person walking a dog—_That will teach them to relieve themselves on my doorstep_—and several stop lights.

Well, lucky she never had to pay for repairs. After all, she was on a mission to rescue her husband and fellow pilot.

From what? Well...that would be something for the publicists to figure out to make NERV look better. _That busload of nuns should have known better. The Angels are not swayed by anyone singing Kumbaya._

As she approached the apartment, another thought hit her. _How will I stop Pilot Souryu?_

She was currently inside the building, while Rei was stuck inside Unit 00. So...how was she going to stop Pilot Souryu from having her way with Shinji?

Rei smiled the same smile that had made two members of Section 2 piss themselves.

* * *

Asuka had once again resumed her position on top of Shinji, staring into his eyes. "Now, Lover Boy, I will show you how it's really done." _Yes, I will win!_

"Um...Asuka...someone's watching from the window." His eyes were wide, unable to believe what he was seeing."

"Baka," she said in her same sweet tone she had been using, refusing to risk her usual berating tone on him until he was her love slave, "we are on the tenth floor. No one can see...in...our...um." She had slowly turned towards the window, having already grabbed Shinji's hands to place them onto her breasts.

She was now seeing the face of Unit 00. Its jaw was open, producing a large growl, as its progressive knife was held nearby enough to allow both to be seen from the small window.

"Pilot, Souryu," came the voice of Rei from the external speakers inside her EVA, "please dismount my husband and come outside. I wish to...discuss...your current actions with my husband."

* * *

Omake by Shinji the Good Sharer:

Misato shivered as she sat tied naked to the chair. Asuka had a glazed look in her eyes while staring at Misato which naturally would make most women nervous. "R-Rei? Can't we talk about this? I mean it was only a joke right? I don't really want to seduce Shinji when you and Asuka's backs are turned."

As Rei took the needle from Asuka's arm and set it on the table she smiled securing Asuka's strap-on firmly around the nude girl. "I appologize Major, I cannot take that chance with my Anata. This drug I confiscated from the local Yakusa will keep her in a high state of arousal for hours, I suggest you prepare yourself to be turned into a lesbian."

Misato's screams through the night turned from horror to something else. Kaji never got any again.

* * *


	7. In the Cookie Jar

"**I Do"**

**Chapter 7**

**In the Cookie Jar**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

Also, please check out my other stories. I try to keep a constant level of dedication to all of them.

* * *

Misato sat at the desk in her temporary office, staring down at the three pilots before her.

Rei was there after finally being ejected from her EVA. It had taken the MAGI four hours to breech her firewall and hack through her restrictions to override her control of Unit 00.

But it did come at a cost.

The maintenance crew did say they could have the progressive knife removed from her parking space and the concrete repaired by the time she got home.

If she ever went back there.

The damage Rei had done when Asuka refused to come outside nearly rendered their apartment unlivable and condemned, which was then made worse when the dinner Shinji had been preparing caught fire and wiped out the kitchen.

They had heard that PenPen had been recovered safely from the locked fridge.

As of now, the building was being repaired, so they were forced to move into a new complex.

All three pilots now sat before her waiting in judgment. All three were wearing plug suits: Rei because she had been piloting, Shinji and Asuka because they had been...unpresentable...when Section 2 brought them in.

"Does anyone have anything to say?" She was trying to be calm. However, when you're left in charge and a hundred foot machine goes tearing through town and tears up your home because you can't control a quiet and shy girl...you tend to be...difficult.

"Um...I don't know why I'm here, Misato."

She fixed her gaze to Shinji. "Well, I have reports on a shitload of damage to the city and my apartment because of you, Shinji."

"Anata was not directly involved in this."

"Like hell the baka isn't involved in this!"

"Both of you...QUIET!" screamed Misato. She took a calming breath after she closed her eyes. Letting it out, she looked up to see Shinji had his hand raised. "Yes, Shinji?"

"I think Asuka is possessed by an Angel."

"WHAT?"

"She tried to seduce me, and we know the real Asuka would never do that."

"BAKA! I'M TRYING TO SAVE YOU FROM THE DOLL!"

"Asuka, be quiet!" Misato took another cleansing breath. _God, I need a beer!_ "You, flunky!"

One of the fourteen guards by the door raised his hand. "M-m-m-me, Ma'am?"

"Yes, get me a case of cold beer; the good stuff. As well as a steak dinner, some fries, and a nice cold glass. NOW MOVE!"

"EEP!" The guard tore off to the cafeteria, which had received an earlier mandate from the temporary Commander of NERV to now carry those things.

God help them if they didn't have any.

She motioned to the other guards, and the group was split off into three separate cells. She knew whoever talked, Asuka would just interrupt and most likely try and assault Rei. So, separation was best.

She went into Rei's room, deciding to start with a person most likely to keep calm. "Okay, one last time. Rei, I want a full explanation about what happened."

"I had been having a bad feeling about Anata's safety. When I contacted Section 2, I watched as Pilot Souryu attempted to take liberties with my husband. As both you and Dr. Akagi were not willing to assist me, I was forced to take matters in my own hands."

"And how did you contact Section 2 from inside your EVA?"

"My EVA was equipped by orders of Commander Ikari to be mostly independent in case of security breaches. As such, it has independent access to communications, as well as the ability to isolate itself from outside control."

Misato blinked. "And why was that done?"

"You do not have proper clearance to know that."

Misato's head hit the table. As she stood back up, she rubbed what she knew was going to be a big bruise. _I'll ask Ritsuko about that after I eat. Better hurry, I wanna have that steak and beer before I have to deal with Asuka. Mmm, steak and beer!_ "Okay then. Then can you explain why you married Shinji."

"It was the class assignment."

Misato's eyes grew. "Um, Rei, you do realize the assignment didn't mean you **had** to get married. Just pretend."

Rei blinked.

She blinked again.

She blinked for a third time. "But Commander Ikari informed me that I should take all assignments and treat them as if they were real."

Misato just sat down, rubbing her head as she felt a headache come on, and not from the minor injury she had from her face-fault earlier. "Um, I don't think he meant stuff like this."

Rei blinked for a fourth time. "Oh."

She then began thinking. _I was not to actually marry Anata? Does that mean he is confused about the assignment as I am? Does he not wish to be married to me?_

_No, Anata has shown...happiness...in being married to me. He merely lacked the aggressiveness to move forward without confirming my readiness, or is unable to notice the signs that I am ready. Anata is happy with this marriage._

_Am I happy?_

_Yes._

_But I am still holding back. I am unable to tell Anata what I am. Will he hate me?_

_This is confusing. I must deliberate more on this issue before talking to Anata about what I am._ "I will not be divorcing Anata."

"Um, you do realize you don't need to be married, right?"

"Nevertheless, I chose to marry Anata. Unless he chooses not to be with me, then I see no reason to destroy our happiness." She thought out her next question, wanting to shoot down any reservations that may come up should Commander Ikari or Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki return into power. "Has this adversely affected my sync ratio?"

Sighing, Misato opened up the folder she had brought with her. "No. In fact, your sync ratio hovered between 110 and 120 while you were going to help Shinji."

Rei's eyes widened to their furthest. _But an Angel can only sync up to 100. Does that mean...I am human?_ "Is their any other objections to my continued relationship with Anata?"

"Nope. I am going to interview Shinji next. Would you like something to eat? If so, tell it to the guards, and they'll get it for you."

She left Rei to contemplate her future, not really certain what would happen once Gendo was released, or the Vice-Commander returned in a few weeks.

Assuming Rei's little walk didn't make him return early.

* * *

"...and that's why I think something is wrong with Asuka. Maybe she really is possessed by the next Angel." Shinji had just finished explaining his whole story, though Misato asked him to skip everything from his very first memory until just before the class assignment.

Misato just stared. Part of her wanted to laugh at it. Another part wanted to cry. And yet another demanded she stop staring and start eating and drinking again. As she finished off the can of beer she had been currently chugging, she tossed it behind her, as a guard handed her another can fresh from a cooler. "So, just because Asuka was trying to have sex with you, you figure she is possessed by an Angel."

Shinji just nodded in agreement, as if he has just informed you that a cloudless sky was blue during the day.

"And why, Shinji, would an Angel want Asuka to sleep with you?"

Shinji blinked. "Why else would she sleep with me?"

Misato opened her mouth to answer, but knew what she had to say wouldn't be fit for his young ears. _Well, Rei did give you high marks. But Asuka doing that..._ "Good point."

She turned towards the door. "Have Asuka taken to Dr. Akagi. I want a full and thorough medical workup to confirm or deny she is under the effects of an Angel."

"Yes, Ma'am."

She looked towards Shinji. "You and Rei will have to stay on base, but you can take the quarters usually reserved for touring dignitaries." As Shinji left, she couldn't help but add a parting thought to mess with his head further. "Just be careful you don't knock her up, Shinji!"

He stopped, paled, and fainted.

As she cracked open the beer, she began to tear into her steak and fries. "Still got it!"

* * *

"I AM NOT POSSESSED BY AN ANGEL!"

Asuka had been screaming so much, the doctor's had switched to ear plugs while drawing blood samples and running scans.

Misato was riding a high buzz after all the high quality beer she had with her meal, deciding it would be more fun to just tease the prisoner...I mean, patient, instead of interrogate. "So then, explain why you were wearing something even I wouldn't wear and trying to fuck Shinji?"

"I WAS NOT TRYING TO FUCK THE BAKA!"

"Then please do explain why Section 2 surveillance shows you...testing his waters?"

Asuka could only twitch. "They were videotaping me?"

"Of course. You were informed that Section 2 keeps constant surveillance on all pilots."

Asuka felt the twitch worsen, as well as a full body blush develop. "Oh."

Misato held up a video cassette. While not the actual one that was made of Asuka trying to...seduce...Shinji, it would only add to her torture of her second charge. "Yes, quite an enjoyable view. My, my, I never knew you would be so daring. Imagine, ripping off his boxers. I didn't know you were that hot to trot."

"I-I-I-I wasn't doing it to sleep with him." _Think, Asuka, think! You need an excuse!_

"Oh, really? Mind letting me know what you were doing that lead to this little...fiasco?"

"Um...it's classified?"

"Wrong answer, Asuka. Ritsuko, I think she needs one of them berry enemas?"

"Eep!"

"I think you mean barium enemas, Misato. Hmm, I think we might gain some knowledge from that. May have to double the usual dose."

"Ack!"

"Don't forget a full colon exam! Never know where an Angel might be hiding?"

"NO!"

"Then of course I will need lots of blood work done for her. Why, I doubt she'll have anything less than forty...fifty needles poking her inside an hour."

"LET ME GO!"

They kept this up until Asuka passed out from fear. They already knew why she had done it. They just wanted to hear her say it.

This was going to take a while.

* * *

As the three EVAs stood in their cages, they would normally be quiet. After all, they had no reason to talk to each other...

...until now.

"So," said Unit 00, talking in a way only Angels and perhaps paranoid people wearing aluminum foil hats could hear, "has your son synced yet since his marriage?"

Unit 01 gasped. "MY SON GOT MARRIED!"

Unit 02 nearly jumped for joy. "I knew my daughter would come out of her shell!"

Unit 00 giggled. "Not Asuka. He's married to Rei."

"WHAT?" screamed the other two EVAs.

"Yep," said Unit 00 with a distinct amount of glee in her voice. "And from what the memories suggest, your son did quite well for his first time. Really scored higher than his father ever did."

"WAH! MY SON'S SO MANLY!"

"WAH! HOW COULD MY DAUGHTER FAIL!"

Unit 00 smirked as best it could without scaring the techs working on it, as it listened to the other two EVAs chatter on about their respective children. _Yes, good to finally see her fall down a peg._

* * *

Omake by Lord Raa:

Shinji managed to get away from the crowd of women that were following him during his mandated exercise break.

He turned a corner, panting hard.

"What's wrong with everyone?"

"Anata, is that you?" Rei asked in a concerned voice.

"Rei-chan!" Shinji smiled. "I'm glad to see you."

"What is the matter? Why are you here?"

"All these women keep chasing me," Shinji explained. "Plus I heard Asuka say 'If you want to date Shinji, then you must defeat him in erotic combat!' I'm scared!"

"I will not let them hurt you, Anata." Rei opened her arms and warmly embraced her husband. "I will give you this to defend yourself against perverts."

Shinji blinked as he was handed a mallet.

"Rei-chan?"

"I have been informed by reputable sources that a mallet is the best weapon for fending off perverts. Observe."

Ritsuko stalked around the corned, intent on making the male pilot her boy toy. "Come out, come out wherever you are, Shinji-kun."

"I think not, Doctor," Rei interrupted with a swift mallet strike.

:PANG:

Ritsuko fell to the floor, twitching.

"See, Shinji-kun, it is most effective."

"But is Dr. Akagi going to be all right?" Shinji asked. He just wanted to be happy with Rei, not hurt people.

"Dr. Akagi will recover. Observe," Rei smiled. "Shinji-kun, are these your clothes?"

Ritsuko shot up like a spring loaded meerkat. "What? Shinji-kun is naked?"

"See, Anata? Dr. Hentai is alive and well."

* * *

Omake by Shadowbakasama:

Misato just stared. Part of her wanted to laugh at it. Another part wanted to cry. And yet another demanded she stop staring and start eating and drinking again. As she finished off the can of beer she had been currently chugging, she tossed it behind her, as a guard handed her another can fresh from a cooler. "Thanks, I don't think you need to hang around. Just do as we discussed."

The guard nods and hands her something before leaving the room.

"So, just because Asuka was trying to have sex with you, you figure she is possessed by an Angel."

Shinji just nodded in agreement, as if he has just informed you that a cloudless sky was blue during the day.

"And why, Shinji, would an Angel want Asuka to sleep with you?"

Shinji blinked. "Why else would she sleep with me?"

"Well, from what Rei was bragging you've got the equipment and the skills to give a girl a _really_ good time" Misato said leaning forward over the table letting Shinji get a good look down her shirt.

_She's wearing the lacy red one today!_ Shinji thought as he felt his nose start to bleed.

"I had the three of you separated so that I could get all the facts without the others interfering." Misato says while getting up and coming around the table towards Shinji. "And I'm going to verify all the facts." She says unbuttoning her shirt. "Including these allegations that you're hung like a horse." Now she was out of her shirt and looking down at his lap looking at his package making a tent in his pants.

"Uh oh." Shinji says his mind being overwhelmed by his hormones and all the beer he had drunk. (Misato shared with him, getting the interviewee drunk is a time tested interrogation tactic.)

"I'm also going to check out these claims of Rei's that you can keep going for hours." Now Misato was unzipping the back of her skirt and kicking off her shoes. "Of course both you and Rei are new to these matters, so I'm going to give you some tips that will help you satisfy Rei." She said as her skirt hit the floor.

Shinji was squirming in his chair from having a stiffy stuck in his shorts.

Misato, seeing Shinji's problem decides to help by undoing his belt and zipper as he sat there frozen is shock. "Your pants look like there too tight, why don't you take them off and get comfortable on the bed."

"But-but, what about Rei?" Shinji asks nervously standing up out of the chair.

"No need to worry, I met her rental fee. We've got all night to ourselves." She says while dragging his pants down. "Since I'm in command I was even able to get rid of the guards and have the cameras turned off." And she pushes Shinji onto the bed.

Then she turns to get something from her bag, giving Shinji a good look at her tight rear end.

"No one to interrupt, and no one to her you scream." Misato says turning around with a riding crop and a set of handcuffs in her hands. "By the times we're done you'll know all sorts of fun bedroom games."

Shinji makes a break for the door screaming "HELP!"

But no one came and they were locked in.

* * *

Omake by Innortal:

Misato could only stare at the now empty and destroyed hold of the commissary of NERV HQ. "What the hell happened? What did they take?"

"That's just it, Ma'am." The flunky paled quickly. He really didn't want to have to tell the Temporary Commander this, as he might very well get shot simply for being the messenger. "They took the beer."

Misato twitched, her hand sliding down to her gun. "How...how much?"

"Um...all of it, Ma'am."

Misato drew her pistol, loading a round in the chamber, before holding the gun into the air. "If the thief and the beer are not found in one hour, someone from the security detail last night dies. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Ma'am!"

As she left, the guards began to talk.

"Why the hell did we have thirty thousand gallons of beer on hand, anyway?"

"What I want to know is who the hell would steal thirty thousand gallons of beer in the first place."

It was left unsaid that that somebody had to be someone other than the Temporary Commander.

* * *

The techs were speechless. Unit 02 was collapsed over the walkway. It appeared to be snoring and mumbling, but not in a form of dialogue the techs could understand. The LCL pool it was kept in was littered with busted kegs that had once contained beer.

Unit 00 tried not to giggle and cause more of the techs to die of early heart attacks as she listened to Unit 02 mumble in her drunken coma.

"Couldn't get over her damn hang-ups."

"Never get any grandchildren."

"Too much like her dad."

Unit 00 did resolve to question the MAGI system on this "Ranma" person Unit 02 kept referring to as Asuka's father. _Damn drunk keeps talking about traveling through time to get some nookie. She's crazy like her daughter._


	8. Consequences

"**I Do"**

**Chapter 8**

**Consequences**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

Also, please check out my other stories. I try to keep a constant level of dedication to all of them.

* * *

_I'm a father! I'm a father! I'm a father!_

As usual with some people; they hear a suggestion and run with it.

For our proud and often depressed newlywed, Misato's comment was on a marathon run.

_I'm a father! I'm a father! I'm a father!_

Right now, Shinji had yet to leave the elevator for the floor on which the dignitaries' quarters. Currently, he was in the fetal position, the elevator stopped, rocking himself, trying to come to grips with that possibility.

_I'm a father! I'm a father! I'm a father!_

You see, Shinji never was one to think ahead of events. He could only think of the failures he could achieve with such events.

_I'm a father! I'm a father! I'm a father!_

As such, he was thinking of what his biggest possible failure would be.

_I'm a father! I'm a father! I'm a father!_

It would be ending up like his father, Gendo.

* * *

Gendo stared at the screen. Already, he swore he would eliminate all purple dinosaurs.

"But Papa-Smurf always says..."

He would now eliminate every blue creature.

_Wait, Rei has blue hair._

_Is she a smurf?_

_If she is, I will have to kill her._

_All smurfs must die!_

Some would say not much has changed with his...education of children's cartoons and shows.

* * *

Rei sat in her chair, eating her soup and salad, trying to decide where she would go next.

Her former home with her husband was ruined because of Asuka's pettiness.

_I hate Pilot Souryu._

_It feels...freeing._

She needed a new home.

Plus, she needed to decide if she was human. Since an Angel could only sync 100 in theory, by surpassing that, she had proven she was human.

But, she was also based on Shinji's mother.

Did that mean...Shinji was now in an Oedipus relationship?

_I will need to consult Dr. Akagi to find out how much of me is Yui Ikari._

She set back to eating, never once considering the fact that she might **actually** be in the Oedipus Complex.

After all, how many fourteen year old clones worry about being pregnant?

* * *

Technician Doe entered the elevator with his sister, Technician Jane Doe. Both were surprised to see the Ikari child in the corner, mumbling.

Jane looked at him. "Should we take him to the infirmary?"

John smiled. "Nah. Look, you can have all sorts of fun with him." He moved closer to Shinji. "Shinji, they need you to pilot again."

The both watched as Shinji "eeked" and started chanting "Mustn't run away!"

Jane lowered her brow. "That was mean, brother."

John just smiled. "Watch this!"

As they stopped on their floor, he leaned over Shinji again. "Pilot Ikari, when we get off this elevator, it will go down a floor and Pilot Souryu will get on. She said she wants to talk to you again."

Shinji stood, began screaming, and ran down the hallway off the elevator, loudly proclaiming the Angels would not use him again.

"BROTHER!" cried out Jane.

John just smirked. "Yes, it was cruel and spiteful." His face got a teasing smirk. "But it was funny, huh?"

* * *

Misato was enjoying her steak and fourteenth beer. She had spent the last few hours making up horrific tests to mess with Asuka's mind.

She hadn't had that much fun since her and Ritsuko convinced the head of the self proclaimed Celibacy Club that she had just had a night of wild sex with Misato herself, Ritsuko, and Kaji. _Ah, good times...good times._

Her musings were cut short as Shinji ran into the room screaming, and dived under her desk.

"Not gonna let the Angels sleep with me! They'll steal my purity and use it to make super clones that will rip the world apart!"

Well, he wasn't exactly in his right mind to begin with.

But at least he made a reason for the Angels "supposedly" wanting Asuka to sleep with him.

"Shinji?" Misato felt a severe twitch coming on. "Why are you under my desk?"

"Cause Asuka is looking for me so she can steal my seed and release super Angels onto us all!"

_Yes, big twitch! _"Shinji, you do know that Asuka has been in medical isolation for the last two hours, being tested."

"Um...no."

The twitch worsened. "So you were running around, scared out of your mind, and just let your imagination come up with this ridiculous reason."

"Um...well...when you put it like that..."

Misato was about to start yelling when she realized the situation Shinji was in.

She had worn a skirt to work today.

A short...skirt. "Shinji, what color are my panties?"

"They are...ACK!"

Shinji tried to jump and run.

But he was under a desk...a large wooden desk with a marble counter top.

The desk jumped a little, almost spilling Misato's beer. She pulled back her chair and looked as Shinji slumped to the floor, his breathing still steady, indicating he had merely knocked himself out.

Misato just smiled and returned to her desk, resuming her consumption of the steak. "Still got it, but too easy."

* * *

As Rei made her way down to the medical ward to stand by her husband as he had a CAT scan done to ensure his accident had not caused any brain damage, she tried to reflect on what she had heard from him while talking to Misato on the phone. She could make out him talking about being a lousy father, being used by the Angels to create the Four Horsemen, and something was so purple.

When she asked Misato about those comments, she said she would explain the first two when she got to Medical.

The purple thing...Misato said she had no idea.

_The Temporary Commander is lying._

But, she had other things to worry about.

She had yet to decide how to tell Shinji that she was essentially an altered clone of the Second Angel: Lilith. Add to that, a small amount of her DNA was that of Yui Ikari._ I will need to assess with Dr. Akagi to make certain Anata and I are not siblings or cousins._

As she entered, she caught a target she still had yet to slake her thirst for anger on.

Asuka was strapped down on her medical bed, several IVs running into her. She looked half dazed, had multiple bandages over her body where they had been forced to either inject something or withdrawal something for a test.

And as she caught sight of the First Child, her anger rose...as did her fear.

As Rei approached, a new feeling grew within her. The anger was still there, but seeing Pilot Souryu helpless and unattended, she felt...mischievous.

"Pilot Souryu, I have come to assist you."

"MRPHF!" Asuka was still gagged. Not exactly for a medical reason, but the staff had just gotten so tired of hearing her cry out.

Nobody questioned exactly why Technician Lieutenant Kasumi Ono had a ball gag in her locker at work.

No one wanted to know why Technician Lieutenant Kasumi Ono had a ball gag in her locker at work.

"I will not allow the Angel that possesses you to consume you while you suffer." She moved over to the defibrillator, setting the charge for maximum, as she moved the paddles towards Asuka.

The redhead's eyes grew as wide as possible, as her body frantically tried to seek escape and her voice tried to draw attention to the obviously psychotic First Child. Part of her mind also saw this as vindication for trying to "rescue" Shinji from Rei.

Another, larger, part was saying that Kaji would pay for his failure.

"Do not worry, Pilot Souryu," said Rei, maintaining her monotone voice, as the now fully charged paddles neared Asuka's body, "Anata will know that you fought the Angel to your last."

Asuka's eyes rolled back into her head, as the fear finally drove her unconscious.

Rei blinked, replacing the paddles and shutting off the defibrillator. "It is no fun if she passes out. But that did feel...good."

Smiling, she left the Pilot's room. After all, she still had to check on her husband, and determine what the purple thing was that he had been mumbling about.

* * *

As the group arrived at school the next day, a few new changes had taken place.

The teacher now had a small liquor cabinet in his classroom, complete with mini-fridge. His gun was oiled, and he was ready for anything now.

Kensuke looked around, but not finding Asuka arriving, decided to keep quiet about the unscheduled walk of Unit 00, as he did not need a second female pilot mad at him.

Toji and Hikari were standing together, chatting, not yet aware that Rei had already put in a request for them to also receive a marriage certificate.

Or that said certificate had arrived at the Class Rep's home, had been found by her father, and that he was currently loading up his shotgun.

As class began, the teacher began to call out the roll, not surprised the Rei's last name was now Ikari. "Souryu, Asuka?" He looked around, before turning his attention to Shinji, who was supposed to live with the bane of his existence.

Shinji gulped, not wanting to talk, as he might reveal the reason **he** had thought was why she had been after him.

Rei decided to speak first, and promised to make a mental note to discuss tact with her husband. "Pilot Souryu is currently under full observation for possible Angel contamination. She made inappropriate actions towards my husband, and I was forced to stop her yesterday."

The reactions were mixed.

Kensuke felt his world begin to glow as if he was in heaven. The Red Devil was out of action. For how long? Didn't matter. But he could now request to be dropped from the fake marriage, since his wife was mentally unstable.

After all, he couldn't complete the assignment if she was quarantined.

Hikari just stared lovingly at Toji.

Toji wondered why he just heard a car screech to a stop outside the school, as well as why he was suddenly very afraid for his safety.

The teacher decided that was all the explanation he needed. Yes, it looked like today was a Vodka Day.

"Okay then. Everyone, get with your partner and work on your project."

"Um," said Kensuke, "my partner is crazy and locked up for our safety."

"Fine, go play in traffic. You get an A."

"YES!" screamed Kensuke, as he ran out to find any house of religion and begin to thank whatever deity saved him from the German Bitch.

He didn't notice the guy walking towards his classroom with the shotgun. He had his wish, what did that matter.

* * *

Omake by Typhonis:

Misato was about to start yelling when she realized the situation Shinji was in.

She had worn a skirt to work today.

A short...skirt. "Shinji, what color are my panties?"

"They are...ACK!"

Shinji tried to jump and run.

But he was under a desk...a large wooden desk with a marble counter top.

The desk jumped a little, almost spilling Misato's beer. She pulled back her chair and looked as Shinji slumped to the floor, his breathing still steady, indicating he had merely knocked himself out. Though why he had a nosebleed was a puzzle to her. Then she realized why: she had forgotten to wear panties today.

Misato just smiled and returned to her desk, resuming her consumption of the steak. "Still got it, but too easy."

* * *

Omake by Shadowbakasama:

Kagi had been doing research on Saotome Ranma to determine the secrets to his fighting prowess. (Actually he's looking for the secrets to Ranma's ability to attract beautiful girls.) During his talks with the boy's father, Saotome Genma, he learned of many training techniques to increase one's abilities in martial arts. (And that there are gullible fathers out there who will set up their daughters with a handsome boy if you don't ask for too much dowry.) So now Kagi had a plan, he had acquired the training manual for an Ultimate Fighting Technique that didn't require that much training to learn. (And he had heard of a beautiful, athletic, aristocratic young girl with a moron for a father.)

Thus after acquiring some Hawaiian tourist gear and a trip to Furinkan High School, he was all set up to marry into money. Then a trip to a pet store and a fish market was all that he needed to get the supplies for the advanced training for Pilot Ikari Shinji.

Talking Gendo into having Shinji learn an Ultimate Technique to fight Angels with was easy, once the DVD player was turned off and he quit ranting about killing of all purple lizards and blue dwarves, after all Gendo was concerned about using his son to kill Angel. It didn't matter to him that you might have to drive him insane to do it.

Convincing Rei that she couldn't accompany Shinji during his advanced training was harder, but they needed her in Tokyo-3 incase an Angel appeared.

Of course Kagi is much smarter than Genma, and had read the entire manual, he did take some precautions: One, if Shinji was scarred or didn't survive the training there would be an investigation and he would take the fall, so Shinji was equipped with protective gear, including a face mask and a cup in addition to heavy clothing and a hood. Two, if Shinji told Rei about the training, well the less said the better. Luckily he had heard of a memory erasure technique while in Nerima and hired an old crone to use the technique on Shinji after the training.

The training itself went much faster than Kagi had expected from talking with Mr. Saotome, it only took two days (I suppose that Shinji at 14-years-old has a much weaker will than Ranma did at 10.) and after a herbal shampoo and rinse he was ready to go back to Tokyo-3.

_Later..._

This Angel was too fast and agile for the EVAs to pin down with gunfire or engage in melee combat. It was all the EVAs could do to keep the Angel from separating them long enough to put an EVA out of action.

"Commander, I believe it is time to use the Neko-Ken Protocols." Kagi suggested.

"Yes, Kagi-san, you may be right." Gendo replied from his wheelchair. "Luckily the Angel hasn't entered the city."

Gendo picks up the mike to talk with the EVAs. "Pilots Ayanami and Souryu, you will need to protect EVA 01 while we activate a special combat system. We will have to cut off communication to EVA 01 and lock it's systems for a hopefully short period of time. Carry on."

Gendo then turns to Dr. Akagi. "Lock out the motion systems of Unit 01 and begin playing the feline hologram into the cockpit."

* * *

Shinji was in a panic, they had locked out his controls, and then he heard a noise in the cockpit. "Merrow." His heart sped up and he fought the restraints to get loose, then he saw them, they were thin and scrawny as if starved, their hair was matted down and filthy, their teeth and claws shined silver and red in the limited light, and then their evil glowing eyes all locked onto him. They lined up around him and crouched down... then they pounced and all went black.

"Sir, Pilot Ikari is panicking, his heart rate has doubled and his brainwave patterns have become erratic." Dr. Akagi exclaims. "Whoa. ... He seems OK now, but his brainwaves seem off."

"Don't worry Doctor, this is expected." Kagi says to reassure her. "I think he's in the correct mindset now Commander."

"Yes, Dr. Akagi, release the lockouts on Unit 01." Gendo commands as he picks up the mike again. "Units 00 and 02, back off and let Unit 01 deal with the Angel, do not make any moves that Unit 01 could perceive as threatening."

Rei was concerned; they were sending her Anata against this Angel without backup. She and Asuka were already arguing with the Major over the radio when she saw Unit 01 walk past her on all fours with a grace she had never seen before in an EVA, not even the footage of the berserk Unit 01 moved this smoothly.

The cat saw two figures in front of him, facing the evil that had invaded his territory. They belonged here; the enemy did not, so he walked past them to face the intruder. He arched his back and yowled at it to scare it away, but it threw something at him, it was like a beam of too hot sunlight, but it was easy to predict the throw, so he rolled to the side and charged.

The enemy was unready and fell underneath his claws; he knocked it onto its back and dug for its 'life'. He clawed into the enemy's chest and cut the ball that was its 'life' into pieces with his sharp claws.

"Commander! Unit 01 just jumped the Angel and used it's AT field to tear open its chest and destroy the core!" Misato cried in triumph.

"Dr. Akagi, lock-out Unit 01's controls again and release a sedative into Pilot Ikari."

* * *

At the debriefing Shinji didn't recall how he had destroyed the Angel, and said that he hadn't ever practiced making the EVA walk on all fours and had no idea how to focus an AT field into a cutting weapon.

Afterwards Rei sought out Commander Ikari for some answers. She had hacked into the bridge logs and heard some things she wanted explained.

"So Gendo, why was my husband acting like a cat?"

* * *

In another part of Tokyo, Kagi was meeting his gorgeous wife-to-be at a large estate.

After being shown in by a vertically challenged ninja, he waited to see the girl for the first time. He had seen pictures; she was very attractive and had a thing for black roses from what he had heard.

The he saw her, she was wearing a tight black dress that showed off her cleavage and legs very well, and she had her black hair in a ponytail from the side of her head. She approached him with a bouquet of black roses and looked him over.

"Well hello there Kodachi-chan, I know this is a surprise, but when I saw your beauty and poise/"

"Hmm yes, you'll do." Kodachi said interrupting him. "Here, I picked these flowers for you."

Sniffing the black roses turned out to be a mistake, as they released a cloud of dust in his face and he discovered that he couldn't move.

"Father, did you bring the priest that I asked for?" She said while lowering him to the couch.

"Yes, yes, I got him right here kiekie." Kagi heard from behind him.

The ceremony went very fast with her holding each cup of saki to his lips for him to drink, and then she and her father signed the marriage license, and she used a pen in his hand to forge his own signature by skillfully moving his frozen hand. Then the priest signed the documents and departed with them to have them filed the next day.

"Well Anata, now that we are gloriously wed, it's time for us to retire to my room so that you can perform your husbandly duties." The deranged girl said while putting him over her shoulder and carrying him off. "I've acquired some special herbs and mushrooms to make things go easier. I believe you are familiar with my source, an Amazon Elder by the name of Cologne. Why she even mentioned that we would make an excellent couple, something about both of us having nary a scruple between us. OH HO HO HO HO!"

* * *

Omake by Lord Raa:

Misato took a deep breath as she prepared herself for the Commander's briefing.

"Sir?" she asked after knocking on the door.

"Enter," the hoarse voice ordered.

Misato opened the door and saluted.

"Commander, this is the latest development with the pilot," the captain started. She looked up when she heard a gurgling sound. "Sir?"

"Purple… so cute …yet so evil… must destroy all purple …" Gendo said in a crazy tone as he twitched violently.

"Sir?" Misato leaned in.

"ARGH! Purple overload!" Gendo screamed as his heart rate skyrocketed.

When Misato reached over to shake the bearded man out of his delirious state, he passed out.

"Hmm, perhaps now would not be a good time to mention that Asuka is having some kind of mental breakdown," the acting commander mused.


	9. Best Laid Plans

"**I Do"**

**Chapter 9**

**Best Laid Plans**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

Also, please check out my other stories. I try to keep a constant level of dedication to all of them.

* * *

Shinji and Rei were walking home. School had been cancelled after Hikari's father had shown up with a shotgun, demanding to know what Toji had done to his innocent girl to warrant the need to marry in secret.

Oh, Shinji had an idea what would have led to that.

It was most likely the act of the girl currently hanging off his arm.

Yes, Shinji was in a new spiral of self-doubt, pity, sadness, depression, and anxiety. Currently, it was not caused by the usually self-confident friend: Toji, pissing himself at the enraged father, nor was it because the teacher had shot said father with a tranquilizer gun meant for pandas.

No, it was because he needed to talk to his wife. "Um, Rei...about our marriage..."

"Yes, Anata? Is it displeasing in some way?"

"No-no-no-no! I mean, um...well...I am worried about something."

Rei blinked. "What worries you?"

"Well...I...I'm just worried that if we're not careful, we might become parents before we're ready."

Rei stared for a moment, before entering silent contemplation. _Anata is not ready to be a father, which is understandable, as he had no positive role models to build any idea of how to be one. On further thought, I have no idea how or what would be required of me as a mother._

_This is...disconcerting. Anata and I are too ill-prepared to be parents. And with the Angels still attacking, we can ill afford me to be incapacitated due to pregnancy. I will need to contact Dr. Akagi for further information._

"Anata, we will discus possible precautions with Dr. Akagi. With our current employment, it would be ill advised for Unit 00 to be out of function."

Shinji sighed, but still was worried. "Um, Rei, what about what we've done so far?"

Rei's eyes opened to their farthest. She had not counted on that fact. Grabbing Shinji's hand, she changed their destination towards NERV. "Then we should not delay this meeting any further."

Shinji was currently debating about whether or not this was a moment to panic.

Well, that was externally.

Internally, multiple facets of Shinji were running around what was a mental creation of a control room, screaming.

Fear Shinji was huddled in the corner. "No, not ready to be a dad! The kid will hate me!"

Anger Shinji was punching a wall, a great feat, as he was only a foot tall. "Damn it, this is all the old man's fault!"

Anxiety Shinji was outside the room, too big to fit in the doorway. "WAH! MY LIFE IS OVER! THE SUPER SOLDIER ANGELS WILL KILL MY CHILD AND USE ME TO PRODUCE THE FOUR HORSEMEN!"

The rest of the other representations of Shinji were running around, throwing papers into the air, running in circles, and screaming about the end was near, as a red alert klaxon was wailing.

Calm Shinji, bearing a striking resemblance to Gendo, merely sat at the main controls. With his fingers steeped before him. "This is not a pleasant scenario."

* * *

Asuka slowly made her way down the hall in the NERV medical facility. After countless hours with every possible examination possible being done, she now made her way out, before Dr. Akagi could design a new test to try and find "that pesky Angel" inside her.

She swore vengeance against the First Child. Yes, Rei would pay for the pain, suffering, and embarrassment she had suffered in her quest to free Shinji.

And more of that embarrassment was coming as she walked through the facility like she had just lost a rodeo.

"Care Bears, use the Care Bear Stare!"

She paused before the door the sound had come from. "Damn, some kid must really be messed up if they're watching that."

* * *

Gendo stared at the screen, watching as the miniature bears faced off against some evil.

Yes, Gendo was slowly going insane. _I must prepare. After we kill the Angels, we must prepare for the days these bears try to invade our world._

One can only wonder what the next DVD series will be.

* * *

Shivering, Asuka continued along the corridor. First, she would get dressed in her normal clothes after taking a hot, long, bath. Then she would seek out Kaji, and explain to him how much she hated being exposed and confronted like Rei had done to her. He needed to learn she did not tolerate failure.

And then...she would rescue Shinji from the Doll, and he would be so grateful he would pledge his eternal allegiance to her, the best pilot around.

* * *

Ritsuko Akagi was tempted to light up another cigarette. _Damn Kaji for stealing my stash._

Before her sat the Ikari family, well the two currently sane members. "Well, due to some medical issues, Rei is unable to have children in the short term. But within a few years, I do believe she will be able to have them."

Shinji sighed as he dodged the bullet. The facets in his mind were slowly finding a seat, as the alert was lowered to yellow.

Rei exhaled slowly. She was sterile for the moment, but later... "Dr. Akagi, does my unique nature have something to do with that issue?"

Ritsuko was shocked. "Um...Rei, Shinji does not have the clearance for—"

"It does not matter. I will not keep a secret from him." Seeing Shinji's confused look, she turned to him. "Anata, I have to inform you of something."

Ritsuko sat back, pulling out a moon pie. Sure, they weren't as necessary unless she was...relaxing. But without her stash and the fact her Minuteman was currently under heavy plaster, she might as well relax with a good live action soap opera.

"Anata, I am not completely human."

Shinji blinked. Was Rei a warrior from outer space, sent to fight the Angels? Maybe she was from a long dead race killed by the Angels, sent here to save Earth? "Okay, they what are you?"

"I...I am an Angel/human hybrid."

As strange music played up the dramatic tension of the moment, Ritsuko quickly shut the door, promising to remind the technicians that the damn elevator radio was too loud once again.

Shinji just blinked; his mind currently blank as the mental control room underwent explosive decompression, even managing to suck Anxiety Shinji through the doorway.

Rei waved her hand before Shinji. "I think I broke Anata."

Ritsuko pulled out some smelling salts and waved them under Shinji's nose. She hated when stories were interrupted.

"Um...Rei?"

"Yes, Anata?"

"You are still you, right?"

"Yes, Anata."

"And you won't be destroying the world, right?"

"No, Anata. I will protect it. At most, I will only destroy some property while fighting the Angels, or if Pilot Souryu makes another attempt to claim you."

"And you really love me for me?"

"Yes, Anata."

Shinji exhaled. "Then I find no reason to worry about this. As long as we are together, the Angels cannot stop us."

"Thank you, Anata."

Ritsuko was drying her eyes. She always lost it on the sappy parts.

* * *

Kaji looked over the data he was going to send the JSDF and SEELE. It was amazing what all he had gathered. Apparently, without Gendo or his second, plus with Misato in charge, and the apparent disorder of Section 2, he was certain he could plant a bug in the ladies restroom and no one would know.

Not to say he hadn't done that already. Those dates he took the girls on didn't pay for themselves, and the Internet was a popular place to have the video feeds from those bugs posted.

As he slid back in his office as the files were being sent, he turned to see Asuka before him, a gun in her hand.

Yep, he was going to need to raid Maya's stash after this talk. Dr. Akagi's was just too weak, and Maya always knew where to get the good stuff, as expected from NERV's logistics officer.

As Asuka cocked the hammer back, she smiled. "Kaji, dear, exactly how did you fail to keep the First Child from discovering my plan to free Shinji?"

"Asuka, I take it your plan didn't go well?"

Her eyes narrowed. "She fucking ripped into a building with her EVA and plucked me out. That would be a no."

He nodded. "Well, I said I would try. How was I to know she had ways to circumvent procedures to keep her here?"

Asuka lowered the gun. "You **will** help me defeat the First Child and claim Shinji. And I promise, if I have to get another checkup to confirm I am not possessed by an Angel, you will get a prostate exam with this pistol and a bullet suppository, understand?"

Kaji scratched his stubble, knowing the next thing he said would get him into trouble, most likely shot, but then again, the medical facility had just gotten a fresh batch of high potency pain killers. "So, you want to be the one nailing him every night?"

"Yes," she said nodding, before her eyes went wide. "I MEAN NO!"

Sure he got pistol whipped, but the new pain killers and the memories of Asuka trying to take back her comments were well worth it.

* * *

Rei sighed as she lay with her head on Shinji's chest. Apparently, his berserker self had taken over again during sex.

Oh yes, she was growing quiet fond of that berserker aspect. It was determined to always defeat an Angel, and since she was a hybrid...

_Yes, I was defeated. Thoroughly, utterly, and enjoyably defeated, I could not continue, and I do believe the bed will have to be replaced. It sounded as if the box springs were broken._

_Anata is...very skilled._

She went to sleep, knowing she would enjoy battling Shinji's berserker side as often as she could.

It wasn't the thought of winning, but the prospect of the battle.

Yes, hours and hours of glorious battles.

* * *

Misato was staring down Asuka again. Security had found her hobbling out of the complex when they recaptured her and brought her back.

Apparently, she forgot that their home had an EVA fist-sized window now.

"So, I take it you are still planning on letting this farce continue?" Asuka asked accusingly.

"Well, Rei's sync ratio has more than doubled since the marriage. Shinji's rose by forty-eight points. So I would have to say that the marriage has been a good thing so far." Misato smirked as Asuka's face went pale, before shifting into Pissed: Third Gear.

"They...they beat my scores?" She was squeezing her right hand into a fist, almost to the point that she was about to cut into her own skin.

"Yep," Misato said as she pretended to look at the report to prove that she was being truthful. The fact was the Ritsuko had yet to point out how much Shinji had improved. "If we knew this was what it took, we would have hooked them up months ago." She got up from the room they had assigned to Asuka and left. She could tease the German girl more tomorrow about asking Rei nicely to see if a romp with Shinji would raise her sync ratio.

Besides, she had to go question some techs about where the giant victory fan that was found floating in the LCL pool of Unit 01 had came from.

* * *

The three EVA units stood outside.

Well, two stood. The Angel—classified as Leliel—had just absorbed Shinji. Misato was about to recall the other EVAs to begin to formulate a new attack plan.

But the Angel had already made a mistake.

"GET YOUR OWN DAMN MAN, BITCH! HE'S MINE!" screamed Rei, as Unit 00 dove into the warped space the Angel had created, progressive knife in hand.

The bridge crew could only stare in amazement. Unit 00 had actually been growling as it leapt, almost like Unit 01 did in berserk mode.

"Hey! If anyone is saving the baka, it'll be me, not some doll!" screamed Asuka, as Unit 02 leapt into the warped space as well, ax in hand, growling as well.

As all three EVAs finished disappearing inside the Twelfth Angel, Misato turned towards Ritsuko. "Um...are we going to get blamed for this?"

Ritsuko gave her a dirty look. "Oh, no. We aren't in trouble. Just you, Temporary Commander."

Misato opened another beer. It was so going to be one of those days.

* * *

Omake by Lord Raa:

As strange music played up the dramatic tension of the moment, Ritsuko quickly shut the door, promising to remind the technicians that the damn elevator radio was too loud once again.

Shinji just blinked; his mind currently blank as the control room underwent explosive decompression.

Rei waved her hand before Shinji. "I think I broke Anata."

Ritsuko sighed, she hated when stories were interrupted. "Undress him and wave your panties under his nose. That should wake him up."

"I am not going to take my husband's clothes off in front of you, Dr. Hentai," Rei said with what passed for venom in her voice. "Get your own stud-muffin."

"Spoilsport," Ritsuko griped.

* * *

Omake by Shinjithegoodsharer:

Ritsuko Akagi was tempted to light up another cigarette. _Damn Kaji for stealing my stash._

Before her sat the Ikari family, well the two currently sane members. "Well there is good news and bad news... first the bad news. Rei is most definitely pregnant with your child, Shinji, and said child is apparently an angel -human hybrid."

Shinji stared at the good doctor before choking out. "What's the good news?"

"Well from the looks of it, you have about 3 months head start before Gendo can pick up a shotgun." 3.1 seconds later, Shinji was running out of NERV as fast as his puny legs could carry him.


	10. Lady’s Man

"**I Do"**

**Chapter 10**

**Lady's Man**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

Also, please check out my other stories. I try to keep a constant level of dedication to all of them.

* * *

As the EVA battle raged outside, the shelter offered a safe place for the citizens of Tokyo-3 to stay.

"I'LL KILL THAT LITTLE BASTARD!"

Well, safe if you weren't named Toji Suzuhara.

You see, currently, he was being cuddled by his new wife...something he had learned about two hours ago, along with the fact that apparently that document Rei had had him sign yesterday was not for just getting his sister into NERV's hospital.

His father; Keitaro, and grandfather; Toji Sr., were facing off against Hikari Horaki's father; Densuke.

Somehow, Densuke had managed to sneak his shotgun inside the shelter with his other two daughters.

Hikari, unlike her husband, was taking this dream and holding onto it as hard as she could. When Rei had asked her if she wanted this, Hikari had only glanced at the papers in front of her to confirm they were marriage certificates.

She had her Adonis!

Now, she no longer needed to live vicariously through Asuka.

Tonight, she claimed her nookie!

Well, first she needed to decide where they would live. True, with the three incomes from the patriarchs, they could afford a good size apartment, and rent had become cheaper lately for most of the dwellings in Tokyo-3, almost as if people in general were afraid to live here.

This confused her. Did this place not grant dreams?

Well, Asuka was still a frozen and bitter bitch, but that might just be because she wasn't getting any.

Had Rei not come out of her shell after becoming—in her words—one with Shinji?

_Maybe Asuka just needs to break down and ask Rei if she can borrow him._

You see, no one had informed her exactly what had happened a few days earlier Asuka had tried to "borrow" Shinji without permission. She had been away in la-la-land imagining ending up with Toji just like Rei and Shinji had.

"Big sister?"

She turned to face her siblings: Kodama and Nozumi. "Yes?"

"How many nieces and nephews will we have?"

Now, this snapped Toji's attention away from the dangerous weapon being brandished by his new father-in-law, and while he wasn't quite as dangerous as perhaps Shinji's dad, some of the plans he was detailing about "fixing" the boy who had stolen his daughter's innocence did seem painful...if he was awake.

Hikari put her finger to her chin. "Well, I always wanted a big family. Maybe ten kids, minimum."

_TEN!_ Toji's face paled. He didn't piss himself when his father-in-law tried to kill him.

But ten kids... He might grab the gun himself and do it first.

"Ya here that, Densuke; ten grandchildren!"

Densuke seemed stunned to immobility. In his mind, the idea of massive amounts of grandchildren to spoil was fighting his desire to kill.

Kill versus grandchildren...he was going to need to think on that one. Maybe he could kill Toji after the ten grandchildren were born.

"Damn it, son! How'd you plan for your kid to support a wife and ten little kids?"

Keitaro stood there for a moment, scratching his head. "You're right. Boy'll need a good job. Even our salaries won't help too much. Hmm, he'll need either a farm, or be a big uppity-up in a company." He snapped his fingers. "Boy, you need to start studying. We need you to enter Neo-Tokyo University in...three years sound right for a bright student, Dad?"

Toji Sr. thought on that. "Well, I suppose that could work. The big companies always hire the smartest ones they can find. Add to that our life insurances, low housing costs here at Tokyo-3... We should be able to pull it off. We'll just need to secure an apartment complex first. After all, I doubt all those youngins will want to share a room.

"Remember, Father," said Hikari to her new Father-in-Law, "I said at minimum."

Her dad sat in a nearby chair, vacated by a person not wanting to be accidentally shot. "Fine, I'll kill the little prick after you guys are done having kids."

Toji just wanted to cry. He'd beat up the person who placed him in this hell, if he didn't know Rei could so kick his ass.

* * *

Misato stared at the screen. It had been five minutes since the Angel had absorbed the three EVA units.

Not one word...

Not one movement...

Not one beer...

Oh, some flunky was going to get it now. She had been without a beer in a bad situation for ten minutes.

Sure, she might very well end up canned for losing three multi-billion yen battle robots. But damn it, she couldn't think to well when sober. Without the help of her drunken spirit guide; Lin-Ran, the pink panda with dumbo ears, how could she hope to face such a challenge?

As that thought finally hit logic, Misato promised to no longer try strange medication left in the medicine cabinets in the NERV VIP quarters. True, they made the foreign beer taste great, but it really led to bad decisions later on.

Kaji... Why did she ever hook up with him?

Then there was that Ranma guy. To think, she actually thought he turned into a girl who looked suspiciously like Asuka.

Then there was the horror of her loss as Ms. Mardi Gras 2007. Oh, her mother would be so disappointed that she had failed the family tradition. She never even made it onto that final cut of the Girls Gone Wild video that year.

Oh the shame. Lin-Ran would never forgive her if they knew.

"Ritsuko, I need a brilliant and expensive 'Save the World" idea from you now!"

Ritsuko blinked, shooing away the nameless tech who was selling her a new stash. "A what?"

"You know, like that big-ass laser you made to kill the Fifth Angel."

Ritsuko blinked. What had she done with that, anyway? She knew she wanted it back in R&D to try and get it stronger and smaller. Did she sell it on E-bay to finance her habits? Did Gendo use it to draw on the moon again?

Damn, she hated being in the spotlight like this. She was stone sober, no drugs in her system, and with a full night's sleep.

She couldn't work like this. She had no moon pies, no coffee, no Maya to tease about her questionable sexuality with occasional flirting, suggestive comments, and random touches. "Um, drop every N2 mine we have into it?"

Misato thought for a moment. "BRILLIANT!" Before she ordered it, she stopped. "Um, what would that do to the EVAs inside it?"

Ritsuko pretended to think about it. She really was in desperate need for coffee. "Um...they'll be fine."

Misato nodded and began to assemble the teams needed. It would take roughly twelve hours.

Ritsuko, meanwhile, went off to find Maya. Coffee and harmful flirting was always good to start off the day, and then she would figure out a real solution.

* * *

Inside the null universe, Rei looked around for Unit 01. Seeing it far away, she adjusted the body of Unit 00 and ejected what remained of her umbilical, sending her unit moving forward at a slow pace. After she was certain she would not overshoot her target, she shut down the systems to conserve energy.

In five hours, she would be reunited with her Anata.

* * *

Inside the null universe, Asuka looked around for Unit 01. Seeing it far away, she adjusted the body of Unit 02 and ejected what remained of her umbilical, sending her unit moving forward at a slow pace. After she was certain she would not overshoot her target, she shut down the systems to conserve energy.

She would save him first instead of the doll, and he would forever be grateful to her.

She leaned back in her seat and waited.

* * *

Shinji had no idea others had followed him into the Angel. He had gone into emergency conservation mode as soon as he realized what had happened.

Not that he minded, mind you. In here, he was safe from angry redheads, demanding purple-heads, and the pawing of his new wife.

Here, it was peaceful and quiet. No sounds, no nagging, no other people.

He was alone.

"Thank you, God."

He leaned back into his seat, reveling in the solitude and silence. _So, I am saved by an Angel...who knew?_

* * *

Shinji was jostled awake by an impact. Bringing the systems online a little, he was soon disheartened, damning God once again for doing this to him.

He looked left, seeing the active eyes of Unit 00 as it held his left arm.

He looked right, seeing the active eyes of Unit 02 as it held his right arm.

He brought everything back up to full power.

He needed out of here...NOW!

* * *

Once again, the three EVA pilots sat before Misato again in their plug suits.

Misato wasn't mad that they killed the Angel. No. When Ritsuko had actually managed to figure out the odds of returning the pilots alive with her plan, Misato had just about shot her.

She wasn't mad at how they escaped. A good rainstorm would wash all that Angel blood away, and they could always rebuild that part of the city.

No, she was mad that after they had burst from the Angel's shadow sphere, Unit 01 took off running, before it was tackled by Unit 00 and 02. The two units then proceeded to play tug-of war with Unit 01, which soon devolved into a fist fight and later a knife fight between the two female pilots.

"Okay," Misato began. "We know you are not under the control of Angels, so be quiet Shinji."

He lowered his hand, not really certain of any other reason that could explain the behavior of his female pilots.

Smartly and for his continued safety, he decided to keep quiet about that fact that both girls currently had a hand on opposing thighs.

Yes, Shinji knew this had to be hell. And he was certain pain was only a heartbeat away if their hands ever met.

"Well, would someone please explain that fight?" Misato was beginning to be stressed. Ever since Shinji had gotten married, she had been going through days like this.

Maybe she really did need to order Asuka to get laid.

Rei began. "After I entered the Angel, I was able to bring myself into contact with Anata. Afterwards, he initiated his AT field in a style I am unfamiliar with. This caused the Angel to be killed from the inside. Afterwards... I am unsure. It is possible that we entered a berserker state like Anata is capable of."

"Yeah, that's it. Not our faults the EVAs were out of control!" chimed Asuka. _Hmm, he really has a developed thigh._

Shinji just continued to stare straight ahead, never looking away from Misato, trying to ignore the feelings generated by the two female pilots. If they had tried to kill each other inside an EVA...what would they do when their hands met? He figured he had maybe a minute more, and could only hope they didn't try and see if they could get blood from a turnip.

Misato finished her can of beer. "Fine, we'll enter that, as well as the possible berserk state was also based on possessing Shinji, now... Why are you two staring at each other like that?"

Time was up. Their hands had met at Shinji's crotch. Now, he was pale, only praying for either a quick death or they didn't use his manhood for another game of tug-of-war.

"Let go of Anata's crotch. It is not yours to touch."

"Like hell! The baka is mine!"

Shinji just stayed quiet, praying with every single hope he had left.

"He is my husband. Therefore, he cannot be yours."

"Like he would be satisfied with a doll."

"Anata is very satisfied. I am the one often falling asleep first from exhaustion."

"WHAT?"

Misato just stood up, walking over to the bickering girls, who had yet to either notice her approach, or remove their hands from the threatening position that could lead to Shinji becoming a eunuch.

When she was directly behind Shinji, she bent down and fiercely pinched the open ears of the offending girls.

To Rei's credit, she did not cry out.

Asuka, however, had no such tolerances. "OW! OW! OW! What the fuck!"

After Misato had forced both girls to release Shinji and stand up, she led them to the other side of the table, and took a seat near the now calmer Shinji. "Now, I don't know what the fuck is going on here, or why you two can't seem to make peace, let alone why Asuka now seems to find Shinji so attractive, she can't stay away."

"I DO NOT LIKE THE BAKA!"

Misato smirked. "So you were grabbing his crotch during this debriefing for other reasons?"

Seeing Asuka pale and blush at the same time, Misato considered the point won.

Rei didn't. "Pilot Souryu, I am not willing to share my husband. If you wish, I could find you a better one. Perhaps Mr. Kaji or the Commander."

Asuka went into mental evaluations.

_I want Kaji._

_The Commander...who the hell would fuck that old fart._

Somewhere, a smoking blond doctor currently high off her ass sneezed, which caused her brunette assistant to launch into a series of dirty thoughts.

_She is offering me Kaji. I should take it._

_I mean, why would I want the spineless dork over a true man like Kaji? I mean, who cares if he chose the doll._

_He chose the doll._

_He is staying with the doll._

_He is making the doll pass out first during sex._

You see, while Asuka could realize that she was getting a great deal with the suggestion of getting married to Kaji—which was currently causing Misato to scream and rant at the First Child for offering such a thing—she couldn't let go that that would be losing to the First Child.

Asuka Langley Souryu doesn't lose.

And drawing upon a foot-in-mouth technique that she assumed she had inherited from her crazy mother instead of her missing father, she spoke. "Fuck that! I want the baka! No way he could be happy with a doll like you! He needs a real woman!"

Unfortunately, the other people in the room had not heard her. Shinji had darted out earlier after Misato started yelling at Rei for her suggestion. Misato was currently banging her head on the table, and Rei had left to file a marriage license between Misato and Kaji.

Smirking at her apparent victory, she left as well. First, she would stop and call the courthouse to ensure no marriage agreements for her existed or were allowed to exist. Then...she would find **her** baka.

* * *

"Who lives in a pineapple under of the sea?"

"Sponge-Bob Squarepants!"

Gendo squinted. Yes, he now knew that apparently the Angels had made allies of the sea creatures and given them human abilities. It seemed as if the Angels had been planning this longer than he suspected. Perhaps the Dead Sea Scrolls were actually their plans for invasion.

Well, he could take care of them all, once he got better. No sponge, smurf, talking bear, or purple dinosaur would stop him from getting what he wanted.

* * *

Shinji had run as fast as his feet could carry him, past the EVAs being secured, past the strange sight of Dr. Akagi in a rasta hat, past Kaji coming out of his father's office, and into the one place in NERV no one would ever think of looking for Shinji.

He was currently hiding in the fourth stall in the Women's bathroom that he came across after running for five minutes.

After locking the stall door, he sat down, not worrying about the stank smell coming off the plug suit he still had on. He knew he should have changed and showered first, but that would have let **them** near him.

He was scared. Now Rei, he could understand her a bit. She was new to this sort of stuff—as was he—and she was enjoying the relationship.

Hell, even he would admit that the sex was near perfect...well, what he could remember. He seemed to be blacking out more during it since Rei told him she was part Angel.

But now...Asuka was after him.

First was the scene in the apartment, where she just about raped him.

Then there was her reaction to him inside the Angel.

And just now, she had just about ripped off his pants and taken liberties with his thigh while being debriefed.

Shinji didn't know what was going on. Since Rei was sleeping with him, he ruled out a practical joke.

But what was he to do with Asuka chasing after him? How was he supposed to deal with this? Why was she after him?

So, he sat on the toilet, trying to figure this out, and hoping he really was safe from the weird women.

* * *

Asuka stared at the computers from the security office. She had traced Shinji to a women's restroom on the twentieth floor. Rei was currently stuck in an elevator between the first and second floor with power cut off.

_Gee, I wonder how that happened. Tee-hee._

Quickly, she made her way to the bathroom. She had him now!

* * *

Omake by Hawk:

"Major Katsuragi. Why have you summoned me? I was just about to become one with Anata, the first after school." Rei inquired as she strode into Misato's office. Her inquiry started out slow, calm and neutral, but finished in a plaintive near-wailing.

She had obviously been looking forward to becoming one with Shinji after a long boring day at school. The note in Rei's voice only served to convince Misato that she was doing the right thing. Anything that good... Well, she'd just have to see for herself just how good Shinji was.

"Rei, do you remember a discussion you had with Ritsuko about four months before Shinji arrived, about Type T equipment?" Misato inquired, ignoring Rei's question.

Rei mentally wailed at going nookie-less for a while longer, but assumed an outwardly professional guise as this was apparently a work-related issue.

"Yes. As my synch ratio had been more or less constant for a substantial amount of time, somebody over in R&D theorized that matters could be improved by installing Dual Controls in the Evangelions and having somebody with better synch ratio control the EVA with me. This was supposed to assist in raising my own synch ratio. As the only other trained pilot with a synch ratio exceeding my own at the time was the Red Devil stationed in Germany, the project was put on hold." Rei replied, a spot of actual emotion creeping into her voice as she referred to Asuka as the Red Devil, but otherwise she remained completely professional.

"Excellent. Well, when we got three pilots here in Japan, a Type T prototype entry plug was rushed through production and we just got it delivered." Misato revealed.

"You mean I get to pilot with Anata, Major Katsuragi?" Rei asked happily, imagining all sorts of activities that could be preformed in an entry plug. The LCL reeked, but ever since first getting married to Shinji, she had been wondering what it'd feel like to make love in LCL.

"That depends, Rei. There are two pilots here with better synch ratios then you: Shinji and Asuka." Misato countered, causing Rei to pale even more.

"Depends?" was all the paler-then-usual-albino managed to get out.

"You two kids kept me up all through last night. You're very vocal, Rei." Misato said. "Anyways, I've gotten curious. I want to borrow Shinji for a night." Misato revealed and Rei instantly regained her former coloring and then some, her cheeks getting flushed in anger, her eyes blazing with determination. She opened her mouth to tell the Major just where she could shove that particular idea, when Misato continued speaking. "Or I could make you and Asuka test the new plug. A couple of hours a day for a month ought to be enough to raise your synch ratio."

Rei paled again and stumbled backwards, staring in horrified shock at Major Katsuragi. A couple of hours a day? For a month! With the Red Devil!

"Or I could have Asuka and Shinji test the new equipment, they seem to get along better then ever lately." Misato mused, a prospect that made Rei fall to her knees.

_Anata alone with that woman, several hours a day, for a month. She'd rape him over and over again!_

"But if I can borrow him for a night, I'll let you and him test the new plug instead." Misato finished.

_Alone with Anata, several hours a day, for a whole month..._

"Make sure you return him in the same shape you received him, Major Katsuragi." Rei instructed Shinji's guardian.

* * *

Omake by Lord Raa:

Shinji had run as fast as his feet could carry him, and was currently hiding in the fourth stall in the Women's bathroom that he came across after running for five minutes.

After locking the stall door, he sat down, not worrying about the rank smell coming off the plug suit he still had on. He knew he should have changed and showered first, but that would have let them near him.

What was he to do with Asuka chasing after him? How was he supposed to deal with this? Why was she after him?

So, he sat on the toilet, trying to figure this out, and hoping he really was safe from the weird women. The pilot allowed himself a deep sigh as he tried to figure a way out of his nightmare.

The stall next to Shinji flushed and soon he heard the sounds of someone washing their hands.

"Who's there?" Shinji asked, panicking as he realized he had now no escape route.

"Shinji-kun?" a familiar voice called out.

"Ibuki-san?"

"Shinji, why are you in the women's toilets?" Maya asked. "I didn't think that you were like that."

"I'm not here to peep," Shinji protested. "It's Asuka! She's after me!"

That puzzled Maya. "After you?"

"Yes!" Shinji insisted. "She keeps trying to have her way with me!"

"I find that hard to believe, Shinji-kun," Maya scoffed.

Shinji opened the door to the stall and scanned the area for signs of trouble. "Is it safe?"

"It's safe, Shinji-kun," Maya reassured the pilot.

Taking a deep breath, Shinji stood up and made his way to the sink. As he washed up, Maya was able to see his taut ass through the vinyl of the plugsuit.

Quickly checking her purse, Maya smiled. "It's very safe, Shinji-kun, I've got extra strong condoms…"


	11. Come to Daddy

"**I Do"**

**Chapter 11**

**Come to Daddy**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

Also, please check out my other stories. I try to keep a constant level of dedication to all of them.

* * *

A shiver...

A very strong and frightening shiver...

Shinji looked around the stall. "I sense a great danger approaching."

"Shinji, is that you?"

He gulped. He had revealed himself. "Ms. Maya?"

"Yes, now what are you doing in the women's restroom?"

Normally, Shinji would have run away at being discovered in the women's restroom. However, he had more frightening things to hide from: like a redhead out to rape him, or a wife who seemed to be under the spell of finding everyone a marriage partner. "Um...hiding from Asuka, Misato, and Rei."

The sound of the toilet next to him flushing was a little unnerving, but so was having a conversation with a woman not currently trying to bed him.

In Misato's case, he wasn't sure if that applied. But if Asuka was taking an interest in him, who was he to discount the possibility.

"Shinji, come out of the stall so we can talk?"

He shook his head, at least glad he could hear her washing her hands. "No way! If I come out, they'll get me. They'll never think to look for me here."

Maya was about to rebuke his statement, when the speakers in the restroom began playing the Theme from Jaws.

Shinji immediately paled, looking around for an escape. Casting his eyes towards the ceiling, he saw his escape: an air vent. He knew they were dirty, unsafe, and dangerous.

They also had safety. He could get lost in them for days, pop out somewhere, and make a run for the exit.

He made his leap, just as the Theme music was beginning to speed up. As he began to pull himself into the vents, despite Maya's requests that he stop, the door burst open. "WHERE IS THE BAKA?"

Maya looked up towards the now unobstructed air vent. "My, he runs quickly."

Asuka stared. "Damn, he's a runner!" She jumped off the sink, causing the basin to crack, but still provide her the footing she needed to catch the rim of the air vent, following Shinji into the system. "COME BACK HERE BAKA SO I CAN CLAIM YOU!"

Maya just blinked, looking at the destroyed door and the now cracked sink. "Maybe I should go find Sempai."

* * *

Dr. Ritsuko Akagi was currently on the best trip of her life, swearing she would keep her new supplier. "The colors... The colors..."

Hearing a noise, and apparently still being coherent enough to follow it, she looked up towards the air vent in the ceiling. First, she saw a blue blur, chanting, "Must run away! Must run away!" This was followed by a red blur, moving slightly quicker.

The great mind of Dr. Akagi took one look at this, and came to a simple conclusion. "I'm hungry."

So, she left with her Rasta hat on.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on your point of view, that was all she had on at the time.

So when Maya found her to give her the warning that Shinji was once more under attack by the horny red devil, Maya immediately passed out from a nose bleed.

Ritsuko saw this, and fell down crying, pulling the head of Maya to her chest and singing "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot", as she rocked her friend.

Maya didn't recover for quite some time.

* * *

Shinji stopped at an intersection in the vents to catch his breath. _I lost her!_ He turned to look behind him, seeing nothing.

And thus, he missed the red shadow that crossed the intersection ahead of him.

Thinking he heard something, he looked forward, and thus missed the same red blur behind him.

Shinji gulped. He had seen a movie like this before. _I don't wanna die!_

He was once again in a catch-22. If Asuka caught him and had her way with him—which could very well kill him afterwards like a preying mantis—then Rei would kill him for being unfaithful. If he didn't submit to Asuka, then she **would** kill him.

Once again, he was wondering why he couldn't have normal problems like other kids his age. He should be worried about bullies, asking out girls, getting his driver's license.

He had the problems of nightmares: would he survive the next Angel attack, would his wife demand more sex from him, would Asuka rape him the next chance she got, would Dr. Akagi dress up in that sexy nurse's outfit and cackle about needing more "samples" from him.

Oh, for a normal life...

Reaching to his side, he picked up his weapon again: a roll of Grade F single ply toilet paper—the best for NERV—and began to move forward.

"Shinnnnnnnnnnjiiiiiii!"

He turned, looking around rapidly for the voice. She was toying with him. He picked up his pace, desperately trying to get lost in the vents.

"You can run, baka, but I will claim my prize."

He picked up his pace again; nearly running in a crouched position the vents forced him into.

"And unlike the doll, I won't be passing out. I will outlast you!"

Shinji ran like the devil himself...um, herself, was after him.

Finally, his lungs gave out, and he collapsed to the floor of the vent, breathing in as fast as he could, desperate to get his muscles working. He had to run, had to keep away, had to find out why Asuka was so determined to have her way with him.

Then he stopped, he recognized what was going on: he was in a horror movie!

So, he went over the rules to survive a horror movie.

The first rule was a virgin always survives.

_SHIT!_

Unfortunately, Shinji was not even close to being a virgin anymore.

Now, he knew that was a bad thing. The teachers at school were right: sex kills.

As he heard a noise behind him, he made certain to stare forward. In the movies, if they looked behind them, they would see nothing, and then turn forward to be hit by the killer.

Gulping loudly, he threw the toilet paper roll behind him and slowly moved forward. _As long as I don't look behind me, I'll live._

Unfortunately, he forgot the other rules. One of these states that the killer also likes to attack from behind a corner. "GOTCHA!"

"AHH!"

He was soon flat on his back, a redheaded girl in an equally red plug suit on top of him, pinning him to the bottom of the vent, the light coming in just enough to give her face the equally malevolent appearance. "Asuka, I'm married!"

She smiled, lowering her face closer to his so he could smell her breath. "Shinji, you seem to think you are correct. I'll prove to you that I'm the real girl for you." _I won't lose to the doll!_

As she began to give him a deep kiss, Shinji struggled as best as he could, desperately trying to get away.

It worked in a way, as he felt the vent shaft shift ahead of him, breaking and causing the couple to slide out, onto a hard bed.

Well, to be honest, it wasn't so much the bed that was hard, as the guy who had the full body cast who had spent the past two weeks watching children's anime and shows that have nearly crippled his mind. Suffice to say; those bones were going to need some more time.

Asuka looked up as they landed, seeing the wide and teary eyes of the Commander, before lowering her gaze to the stunned Shinji. "Well, baka, even your dad has been moved to tears. Told you he would rather see us together than you and the doll."

As she once again returned to giving Shinji a dental exam with her tongue, she failed to notice the sounds of panic coming closer to their position.

Gendo didn't care, however, as they had blocked the TV from showing him anymore Sailor Moon episodes.

* * *

Rei was wondering if somehow, her luck had all been Asuka's fault.

After being stuck on the elevator, as well as the emergency call disabled, she contacted Section 2 via her cell phone. Fortunately, they had become much better at following and protecting the pilots than they had been a week ago, when the Second Child had tried to steal her husband. As such, they had responded quickly to reactivating the elevator, as well as personally delivering the marriage certificate for Misato and Kaji to the records office.

She would leave it up to them whose last name they took.

But now, she was trying to track down her husband's location. Section 2 could only follow him inside the NERV corridors and rooms. Since he had escaped into the ventilation system with the Second Child hot on his heels, he could literally be anywhere.

"ASUKA SOHRYU! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

Rei blinked. That had felt...good.

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes. _I will have to use abilities of my Angel side to locate Anata before...she...finds him._ Concentrating, she traced his soul in NERV, finding it two levels down, near the medical wing.

Sensing his fear, she made haste towards the area. She had also sensed Asuka near him, and knew that the Second Child would overwhelm the innocence of her husband.

Before long, she felt her husband's position change again, indicating he had exited the ventilation system. What was a worse shock was the fact that not only was Asuka very close to Shinji, but she was enveloping him in such a way, Rei knew immediately that the Second Child was once again trying to have intercourse with Shinji.

As Rei's temper rose, so did her AT Field, cracking the walls in several places. Her husband was being taken advantage of by another woman, who was intent on stealing him for her own.

This could not be allowed. So with a battle cry, Rei ran towards the room holding the slut and her innocent beau.

"ASUKA, PREPARE TO DIE!"

* * *

Lieutenant Technician Kasumi Ono sat in the Tokyo-3 airport terminal, waiting for the arrival of her sister and brother-in-law. It had been a few months since their last visit, and she had only been able to visit them when she accompanied Misato on her trip to Tokyo-2 to see the new mecha series that was to replace the EVAs.

But now she had other things to discuss. When Nabiki had told her that they had housed a time traveler at one point, Kasumi had thought that her sister was just showing the kindness that her husband was often accredited for having.

Instead, she had found out that apparently, something else had happened. Curious about Asuka's appearance, as well as her mother having the same name as this time traveler, Kasumi had performed a quick paternal DNA test.

Confronted with the evidence, Ranma and Nabiki had admitted to having sexual relations with that woman. What more, they were surprised that Ranma was actually a father.

Well, Kasumi guessed she could forgive Ranma for not being there for his daughter. She hadn't even met him yet when Asuka was born.

"Hey, Kasumi!"

She looked up to see her two guests. "Hello, Ranma-kun, Nabiki-chan!"

* * *

As Kasumi drove them into town, Ranma and Nabiki sat in the back, going over the information on Asuka Langley Sohryu.

Ranma whistled. "Damn, she's a dead ringer for my girl form." He had to smile. "I bet she's just like her mother: shy, demure, kind to all people."

Kasumi tried to keep a straight face as well as stay on the road. Tofu had warned her about driving like Misato again.

Nabiki shook her head. "Shame about Kyoko falling apart like that. She must've ended up being exposed to some chemicals that warped her mind. Glad she was able to keep herself from physically harming Asuka." She turned towards the front. "So what now?"

"Well, I set you two up with the apartment next door to Asuka. Seems like a lot of people are leaving town for some reason. Maybe if the Angels and the EVAs didn't play so rough... Anyway, I've set Nabiki up working in the accounting office, and Ranma-kun is a security trainer."

Ranma blinked. "Well, if that story you told me about them getting in through the vents is true, this place has more holes than Pop's underwear."

Nabiki smacked the back of his head. She was hoping to have a kid soon, and comments like that really put a crimp in the mood. "Anyway, while we're in town, we can visit your cousin, Kaji."

"Oh, he's your cousin, Ranma-kun?" She knew who Kaji was. There wasn't a girl in NERV aside from the female pilots who Kaji hadn't hit on.

She didn't approve of his methods, her being a married woman and all. Anyway, the doctors had assured her that he'd eventually pass that vibrating egg.

But to be Ranma's cousin? Well, there was the whole "manliness" craze of Nodoka's, so it made sense in a weird way.

"Yeah, on Mom's side. He's supposed to be a government employee or something like that. According to Mom, he's a perfect gentleman.

"Hey, Kasumi, eyes on the road!"

She avoided running down a jogger. Well, that near miss would definitely elevate his heart rate.

Shaking her head, she continued talking to them. "Anyway, they should be heading home in an hour or so, so we should have you guys ready. As soon as we arrive, I'll call Misato and let her know that you are here. Oh, maybe we should get some supplies for a party!"

Nabiki shook her head. "Kasumi, after we tell her the truth of her origins, I think we'll need liquor, hard, and plenty of it.

Kasumi just smiled. This was turning into one of those rare occasions where being friends with Misato would pay off. Kasumi knew exactly where to get such liquor as cheaply as possible.

As Ranma and Nabiki were getting food and drink, Kasumi checked her messages, and decided she needed to also plan for a wedding celebration as well.

It was so nice of Rei-chan to let her know Misato was married. It was just a shame she hadn't been invited to the wedding.


	12. Bloodlines

"**I Do"**

**Chapter 12**

**Bloodlines**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

Also, please check out my other stories. I try to keep a constant level of dedication to all of them.

* * *

Misato was desperately trying to figure out who she should shoot first: herself, her new husband who was sitting in the passenger seat, or the two women in the backseat who were making her life hell.

While Kaji was not rubbing it in, she could tell by his smirk what he was thinking. She had little doubt that this marriage would not dissuade him from still flirting with the female staff at NERV; he enjoyed it too much. She was certain that if the EVAs had breasts, he would be trying to score with them as well.

For no reasons that the techs could discern, all three EVA units shivered for a second.

At a stop light, she cast a glance to the rearview mirror, catching sight of Rei Ikari. The girl had in a span of several hours, got ten people married, destroyed several corridors in NERV HQ, and proven how ineffective their security forces were. Now while Misato still had no idea how the First Child had managed to talk her into signing that marriage agreement, she had no doubts that the deviousness of that girl knew no bounds.

No, Rei was up to something, she could feel it.

No, wait; that was Kaji's hand on her thigh. "Remove it now, Kaji, or I'll shoot it off."

As he did so, she thought of the other woman in her car: Asuka Soryu. The girl seemed desperate to win Shinji; if for no other reason than because she couldn't have him. Now while Misato had always teased the redhead that she seemed to desire to simply waltz into Shinji's room and take him, she was beginning to doubt the Second Child's sanity. The redhead had been on the receiving end of the angered wife's rage on a few occasions, and still she pursued a relationship with Shinji.

Yes, the Second Child was most definitely due for another psych exam.

"Pilot Soryu, remove your hand from my husband's thigh. It is not yours to touch."

"It was an accident. Blame Misato's driving."

"The Captain's driving is not responsible for you acting as you were. Now remove the hand from my husband, or I shall rip it off and beat you with it. You know I am capable of it. Or do you wish another demonstration of what happened in the infirmary."

Misato growled. "Asuka, touch Shinji and I will shoot you. Rei, use your AT Field in my car and I will shoot Shinji."

"Hey! What did I do?"

"Not like my gun will work against your wife." She paused at another stop light. "Kaji, I **will** shoot you, now remove your hand from my thigh!"

Kaji sighed. "Well, I was hoping for an exciting honeymoon."

The sound of her gun cocking was all that stopped Kaji's laugh at his own joke. "Mister, I have been having a bad week. Now, we finally can move back into our home, Rei ends up trashing the hospital and placing the Commander in a coma—"

"I was not aware he was in the bed when I threw it after Pilot Soryu."

Misato took another breath, trying to keep hold of her sanity. "Listen, I just want to get home, and forget this day ever happened. Tomorrow, Rei and I are going down to the Court house, and getting an annulment."

"Aw, you're not the same woman I married."

Kaji's comment caused Misato to discharge her weapon through the open passenger window, sniping a pigeon. "Any other comments?"

The rest of the ride was silent.

* * *

Misato opened the door to her apartment.

"SURPRISE!"

And immediately wished she hadn't holstered her weapon.

Kasumi smiled. "You know, Misato. I am very upset I wasn't invited to your wedding."

A twitch developed. "We're getting it annulled tomorrow."

"Oh, and there were such high hopes that you two could make it work. Why, it seemed like only yesterday you two got married."

"IT WAS SEVEN HOURS AGO!" Misato was frantically trying not to shoot Kasumi, but she could be just so damn irritating at times. Sighing she turned to the others, before glaring at Ranma. Before she could open her mouth, Kaji answered for her.

"Cousin, what are you doing here?"

"COUSIN?"

Kaji scratched his head. "Yep. Ranma here is my cousin."

Misato could only stare with her mouth wide open. "Wait a second, you two are related?"

Ranma nodded towards her. "I told you that in college, but you still kept assuming I was trying to steal him from you."

"Time out!" cried Asuka. "What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, Ranma-kun has a curse that turns him female whenever he is splashed by cold water." Kasumi proceeded to pour her glass of cold water over him, changing him to a her.

Rei blinked. "Interesting." She had the sudden need to obtain a sample, and proclaim him a guinea pig. She had had one once, but the thing just kept running away.

How was she supposed to learn biology if the thing wouldn't stay on the examination tray?

Asuka blinked. This new woman looked like her. Same blue eyes, same red hair, same pissed off expression that said someone was going to die.

"Misato, could you please stop grabbing my husband's chest?"

Well, Asuka always wanted Misato's room.

Kaji sighed. "No wonder I've had so much trouble with her. My wife prefers women."

Misato had the decency to blush, before stepping back.

Kaji smiled. "So, cousin, what brings you here?"

Ranma smiled. "Well, remember that woman who visited us a few years ago?"

"Oh, you mean Kyoko?"

Nabiki nodded. "Yes. Well, it appears when she returned to the past, she was carrying a parting gift from my husband."

Kaji blinked, before turning to Asuka. "You know, I do kinda see the resemblance."

"What the hell is going on here?" screamed Misato.

Nabiki smiled as she returned her husband to male. "Simple, really. Kyoko came from the past, got knocked up while having sex with my husband and myself, and returned to the past to have a daughter who now pilots a giant robot."

"Rei?"

Nabiki blinked. "Does Rei look like Ranma in either form?" she screamed.

Misato blinked. "Well, they tilt their heads the same."

"No, you drunken idiot! We mean Asuka!"

She turned towards the pilot. "Nope, not seeing it."

After everyone else recovered from the face fault, including a penguin who knew he hadn't had enough beer...or perhaps too much—the two were so hard to tell apart anymore—Asuka finally spoke. "Huh?"

Rei turned to her husband. "Does this mean that all this time, Pilot Soryu was really a boy, and thus I was the target of her perversions?"

"DIE!" screamed the obsessed redhead.

"Well," said Ranma, as the two girls fought, "she took that better than expected."

* * *

Finally, after two hours, four gender changes, five bullets, one abused male pilot, and four hundred and eight "Oh my!" exclamations from Kasumi, the group had finally settled down.

"So my mom was a slut."

Well, Asuka was taking it slightly better than everyone thought she was.

Ranma tried to keep calm. "We had too much to drink, she was a little freaked about being in a future apocalyptic world, and yes; my wife has a wild streak...a very wild streak." He looked at her. "I make no excuses, and I am sorry she was killed by contaminants that drove her mad, but she was not a slut."

"Then where did Pilot Soryu learn that behavior?"

Asuka stared at the First Child with anger.

Everyone else stared at Kaji as if he was the reason. "What?"

"I am not a slut!"

"Then perhaps you would care to explain why you keep attempting to seduce Shinji-kun?"

"Oh, that isn't very proper, Asuka."

"Oh, why does my daughter act like my wife?"

"RANMA NO BAKA!"

Misato looked at the mallet. She could feel its unlimited power calling to her, demanding she embrace it. _I'll ask Nabiki how she produced that later._

After pulling his head out from the wall, Ranma went over to his daughter. "Asuka, I know I haven't been there for you, with the whole different time period thingy. But since I had learned of your existence, I must inform you that what you are doing will really cause chaos and get you in trouble."

"I will not lose to the doll."

"I am not a doll, I am a wife."

Ranma sighed. "Seems like their marriage sort of ended the battle."

"I will not lose!"

"Sounds like her daddy."

"Not helping, Biki-chan."

"Fine then." She walked over to her step-daughter, which sounded weird to her, considering the girl was almost fifteen and her husband was almost twenty seven.

Nabiki held Asuka by her shoulders. "Asuka, you need to use your head. If you keep this up, you'll only end up destroying yourself."

Rei interrupted her. "She will not need to. I am more than capable of destroying Pilot Soryu. It is only the lack of a replacement pilot that is stopping me."

Asuka could only look with deep thought. "Use my brain..." _Of course; I've been trying to do this the wrong way. The baka obviously can't function with my perfection in front of him. I have to outthink my prey._ She walked into her room, sliding the door shut.

"Nabiki, do you know what you just did?"

Nabiki stared at her husband, not knowing what he was getting at.

Ranma sighed. "You just told a person who is Saotome by blood, to use her brain. Do you know how dangerous that is?"

Shinji shrank into the corner. _Must run away! Must run away! Must run away! Must run away! Must run away! _

"Come on, Koi. What's the worst she can do?"

Kaji lit up a normal cigarette. "Well, that just doomed him."

Kasumi sighed as she poured herself some more tea. She had so liked her job at NERV.

* * *

Shinji did not like the looks of his classmates. Nope, he didn't like it one bit.

It was apparent how quickly Rei had worked before Misato had banned her from making any more marriages. Most of the class was now in the forms of couples, chatting away.

Well, the girls were chatting.

The guys looked either deliriously happy, or like they were hoping for the Grim Reaper to show.

His friend Toji was at his desk, nursing a sport drink bottle, and looking like he was returning from a war zone. His eyes had bags, and he seemed to cringe every time Hikari made a move.

His other friend, Kensuke, was walking towards him wearing...a Catholic priest's outfit? "Um..."

Kensuke sighed. "After I told Rei I wanted to remain single, she jumped to the conclusion I wanted to be celibate as well, and signed me up for some junior in-training priest program."

Shinji just shrugged. "At least she didn't marry you to..." He left the name unsaid, but they both knew who they were discussing. But like most evils, saying its name was an invitation for it to come. He motioned towards Toji. "You know what that's about?"

Kensuke shook his head. "Apparently, the class rep has been...overly enjoying the bounties of marriage." He looked towards his friend, shaking a little in fear as Hikari changed his drink, smiling and patting his head, before walking back over to her friends. "Poor guy's been crying every time we're alone. I swear; I never once imagined the class rep would kill him with sex."

"Hello, Anata."

Shinji stiffened, as his own sex demon entered. "Hi, Rei. Feeling better?"

She nodded. "Yes, I have fully recovered from...the incident."

The incident was in fact a large accident that would have killed a full human. Misato, deciding Kaji was not following her orders, decided to actually shoot the guy.

The bullet missed, hitting Rei.

After Rei had healed herself, she proceeded to...converse...with Misato about her displeasure of being shot in the chest.

Shinji had never seen a woman being savagely beaten with a hot water penguin before. _Well, Mr. Saotome did say he would get them fixed up._

_After all, he said Misato would only have problems bending over and sitting on hard surfaces for a few days._

"Excuse me?"

The group turned to face the devil herself, Kensuke immediately grabbing the cross in his pocket.

Shinji stuttered, trying to say hi. The girl had been silent for nearly a week after meeting her real Father. Not that Shinji blamed her. Finding out your Mother traveled into the future to have a three-way with another couple before returning to the past to have you does tend to mess with one's own perception of reality. And while the girl had been spending time with her real Father and step-mother, Shinji had no doubts that like her Father said; it would only lead to pain.

The fact that she was smiling a sincere smile was not lost on the group.

Rei wanted to beat her up again, not knowing why she felt the sudden need to buy a mallet.

Shinji felt his body demanding to wet himself, as the smile was surely a sign that the Four Horsemen were riding soon.

Kensuke immediately began to pray for Shinji's soul, as he was soon about to be killed as Asuka had apparently gone insane.

She just kept smiling, holding up two envelops. "Don't open these until after roll call, okay?"

Rei and Shinji took the envelops; as Asuka skipped to her seat. "I'm scared, Koi."

Rei nodded. "I believe we should call home after the class to ensure the Captain has not been killed."

"Rei, you sent her to the hospital, remember?"

"Oh. That would also remove calling to see if the penguin still exists."

Kensuke remained quiet. If he remained still, maybe the danger would ignore him.

Soon, the teacher entered, and roll was called.

Finally... "Ikari, Asuka?"

"Here!" called the redhead, before smirking towards Rei and Shinji.

Shinji paled, as he opened the envelop he had received from Asuka; finding a marriage certificate.

"In case anyone is wondering, my new husband decided Rei wasn't good enough, so he graciously took me—a newer and better model—as his second wife. So don't expect either of us here tomorrow. I plan to outlast the baka tonight."

Shinji saw his life flash before his eyes, cursing the actor they had portraying him in it—the guy just wasn't believable; when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Kensuke standing beside him.

"Go towards the light, young man. Go towards the light."

As Rei stood up, Shinji was more willing to go towards the exit, the window, or whatever would kill him quickly. _Never a fucking Angel around when you really need them!_

* * *

Omake by Typhonis:

Agent 2: "Damn who knew that Ranma was Asukas father?"

Agent 1: "Tell me about it. This is a real wild curve ball we're throwing the audience and he turns into a girl... Our ratings will go up!"

Agent 2: Looks at him and sighs. "This is not a reality soap opera you twit, I mean..."

The phone ring and the Agent 1 answers it. A few minutes later.

Agent 1: "Did you know that the feed from these cameras was going to a studio? And they want to renew us for next season?"


	13. Heaven and Hell

"**I Do"**

**Chapter 13**

**Heaven and Hell**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

Also, please check out my other stories. I try to keep a constant level of dedication to all of them.

* * *

As another explosion rang out across the school yard, the boys shrank a little more on the roof; the hiding place for all the boys recently married during the "Blue Period", which was what the name was for Rei's rash actions that resulted in a massive number of forced marriages.

This group consisted of all the boys and a few male teachers who had sadly discovered that women can be just as perverted—if not more so at times—then men. They were now being overwhelmed by both responsibility for their new roles, as well as the discovery just how lonely and desperate some girls and women were to not be alone anymore in a world where your death might happen tomorrow.

The current president of this group was Toji, finally finding support to extract him from the sexually deviant Class Representative, which now proved that often people wore a mask to hide their true selves.

That, and Toji just wanted to sleep—a commodity that his wife would barely allow him, as she wanted her big family now.

Shinji was here as well, a de facto member, since his new wife was currently battling his first wife in an attempt for dominance, while leveling a good portion of the school grounds.

"Möko Takabisha!"

"AT Surge!"

Shinji cringed again as another massive explosion occurred. While Asuka had also taken to studying her Father's school of martial arts, Rei had observed as well, and used it to allow her Angel AT field to both counter Asuka's new blast technique as well as block her from receiving damage.

He really didn't care that Asuka had mastered something that should have been impossible for her.

He didn't care that Rei had turned a purely defensive ability of an Angel into an offensive capable one.

No, what he cared about was that this battle would not likely be the last, and whoever won would like to take him to...celebrate.

No one cared about where Kensuke was, as some had expected him to be with them offering last rights.

Nope, since he was the last single male in school, the twelve remaining single girls were each trying to gain him as a husband, before they had to go looking to be a second wife, a fact made an option by Asuka using a little known law passed by the UN in 2007 which allowed for a polygamous marriage if all members consented.

As such, the group had gotten together as well to contact a few lawyers to ensure the "Blue Period" did not return, as they didn't even want their current wives, let alone a second one.

Shinji just cringed, wondering when the possible Third Wife—or luck forbid, Second Husband—made their way into his life.

* * *

Kaoru Nagisa sneezed, but found it a pleasant feeling. Staring at the photos of the Third Child, he smiled. "Soon."

* * *

The shiver going down Shinji's spine was all the confirmation he needed to know it was a likely event now.

But who could he seek help from? Even this group saw him as somewhat of an outcast, simply because of who he had been married to. He could ask Asuka's Father: Mr. Saotome, but the man would soon have enough problems on his hand, and Shinji was afraid of what the man would do when he learned his only child had married into a polygamous relationship.

_Why is this stuff happening to me? Why are these girls after me? What's so special about me?_

Even with two women vying for him, Shinji's self-confidence could not pull itself out of the grave.

So, he tried to see the silver lining for the moment.

His Father was in a coma, and not likely to come out of it for a few years. That meant he no longer needed to worry about the man's hateful glare.

With the fight, school would be closed for a few days.

With Kaji now married to her, Misato wasn't teasing him as much anymore, since she was often trying to keep her new husband in line.

He hadn't had to pilot EVA for a few days. And with the arrival of the Unit 03, he might get a break. Maybe, even sit out a battle.

Neither Rei nor Asuka had expressed any desires to have a family.

Because of Mr. Saotome, Section 2 no longer reminded him of a hippie movie. They even dressed like security agents, with clean suits and actual guns instead of plastic phasers from the old Star Trek series. _How Father expected them to protect us with those, I'll never know._

Because of Mrs. Saotome—and much to the hatred of Dr. Akagi if those screams he heard at NERV were any indication—the budget had been realigned into making useful weapons to fight the Angels like high-intensity lasers or armory that could slice through an AT Field, not oversized handguns.

Looking back, he had to agree with Mrs. Saotome's observation at dinner a few nights ago: Dr. Akagi seemed to have a weird fascination for big guns, almost to a fetish level. After all, how often had those things ever been useful or passed through the AT Fields that the Angels always had active.

Hell, even Misato understood that.

Fuck, he was even certain even PenPen got that.

"Möko Takabisha Double!"

Looking up, he saw the twin explosions confirming that Mr. Saotome had finally arrived to deal with the cat fight.

Of course, the new quiet allowed for the whereabouts of Kensuke to be heard.

"Ladies, I have taken a mock vow of celibacy. Tempt me no more, for I have dedicated my life to the priesthood."

"Take a look at these babies and tell us that!" screamed one girl Shinji knew from the ninth grade.

"WOAH! SWEETO!"

The group bowed their heads as yet another male fell from grace with them.

* * *

"So," Dr. Akagi said, "you wish to pilot 03?"

Toji nodded. "I have nothing to lose, will fight my hardest, and will work weekends, nights, days, and don't mind being locked under such extreme security that no one will be certain if I'm still alive."

Toji smiled, but was congratulating himself on this stroke of luck. With his sister being taken care of by NERV thanks to his marriage agreement with Rei, he really didn't have to be a pilot.

Of course, since his now healed sister was pressuring him as well, because she wanted to be an Auntie, he needed an out.

He knew from Shinji and his own experience when facing the Fourth Angel that he could very well die or at the least, end up in the hospital for a long time.

That was what he was counting on. He wanted the coma! Besides, piloting was something he could do that would both get him away from the over-affectionate wife as well as not anger her, her gun toting Father, and their families demanding more members now.

He might die in a horrible and painful way that escaped the human mind to fathom, but then again, his wife might do the same thing thinking he was enjoying it and it would result in more children.

Ritsuko just sighed, before approving him and sending him to Maya for a full examination, not even finding the possible teasing of her coworker sufficient to lift her spirits. Since Nabiki took away her funding for her toys—such as massive guns that were useless against Angels—she felt depressed.

That was, until a legal document was delivered to her.

"Well, I'll just have to settle for revenge."

* * *

Ranma drummed his fingers on the desk, his wife to his left side, his daughter's guardian on his right, gingerly sitting on an inflatable donut after where Rei had finished the fight with a non-recommended use for a hot water penguin.

He glanced across the table. There, Shinji was in the middle, with Rei to his left, and Asuka to his right, and far enough from each other that they couldn't grab the boy or touch him in any way.

Sighing, and rubbing his temples, he turned to stare at Nabiki. "I warned you."

"How was I supposed to know she'd do this, Ranma-kun?"

His face lost all emotion. "She's a Saotome by blood, how could you have **not** known something like this could have happened."

Ignoring her sputtering, Ranma turned towards the married trio. "Now while I am proud that you ladies were able to do those attacks, the fact that you used them to try and kill each other is not something I can ignore."

"Pilot Soryu tried to steal my husband."

"He's my husband now, Doll!' Asuka growled. "And it is as legal as your marriage to him."

Shinji just whimpered, laying his head on the table, wanting to be dead right now.

Misato would have smirked, had her jaw been able to be moved without pain. Luckily, they hadn't needed to wire it shut, but her medication would keep her from drinking alcohol. She was determined to take it out on someone, and since Kaji had left for a special assignment somewhere, she resigned the pilots would just have to do. Besides, she had not forgiven Rei for using PenPen as a lethal weapon.

Ranma growled. "Quiet both of you!" Seeing he now had the attention of all three, he continued. "Now, since we don't have a legal way to force you three to behave, and as much as I hate to do this to Shinji, since I literally know how he feels, you two will have to play nice and share your husband."

"WHAT?" screamed the two girls in question.

Before they could try and demand he stop it, Ranma continued. "You entered into this union with open eyes, and even if Asuka used a trick to join, she is as much a member of the marriage as the others." He turned towards his daughter. "That means she shares in all the duties of the marriage."

"Duties?" asked Asuka.

"Yes," Ranma said. "That means, my dear daughter, that you will have to work on the chores in the house, share in the cooking, and act accordingly to the house budget. This means no splurges from your pay, since you now have a co-wife and husband to consider." His eyes thinned. "And since you kindly forgot that you would need my permission to get married since you are legally my charge thanks to the paternity tests; it means that if I feel you aren't pulling your weight in the marriage, as well as if I feel that you are only staying married for spite, then I can have your marriage thrown out."

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" she screamed, standing from her chair.

"Does that mean you honestly love him?"

She started to speak, but stopped. She couldn't say no, because then she would be divorced and the doll would win. If she said yes, then they would accuse her of lying and make her prove it, most likely by doing something hentai like kissing the doll to prove she had accepted and loved both when she entered this marriage.

Luckily, the opening of the doors saved her from having to make such a decision.

* * *

"WAH! My hubby is gonna die!" screamed Hikari over the phone.

Toji had just told her that he had been "drafted" into piloting EVA. "But, Hikari, it won't be so bad," he said, before cringing, not believing he was about to say what he had to. "Plus, the money will help us get that big house in the country that you wanted."

"Then I will fight with you!"

"You can't!" he screamed out. Calming himself, he explained. "Unit 04 was destroyed, and they aren't certain anymore will be built."

"But...but what happened to it?"

"I don't know," he said. "They never told me."

* * *

_One week ago..._

"What does this button do?" asked a blond technician with her hair in twin ponytails.

"Damn it, Meatball-head; don't touch the S2 eng—"

And thus, the NERV Branch in the US ceased to exist.

* * *

Sailor Pluto sighed. "That's the fifth Usagi to die this year." She looked away from the Gates of Time to see the aquariums where the spare Senshi were stored in LCL. "Screw it; I'm not waking up another until it's time to found Crystal Tokyo."

* * *

"Can I help you ladies?" asked Nabiki, as a smirking Ritsuko and a nervous Maya entered.

As Ritsuko's smirk grew into a devious and evil smile, she handed Nabiki a pair of documents. "Ask Rei."

As Nabiki scanned the documents—and kept silent, which annoyed Ranma and Misato—she turned to Rei. "Explain...now."

Rei nodded. "After Pilot Soryu informed the class of her plan, I realized I needed to remove any other single females from contention who might wish to marry Anata as well."

Nabiki growled. "And you married them to him...why?"

Rei blinked. "He was the most sufficient and acceptable person who would not be objectionable to them."

"Um...Nabiki-chan?" asked Ranma.

Nabiki scared him immediately by going to her Ice Queen image. "Dear, it looks like Rei just married you to Ritsuko and Maya here."

"WHAT?" screamed everyone, including Misato, who immediately grabbed her jaw in pain.

Shinji just shrunk into his chair, wishing for an Angel to have killed him in the past. Maybe if that Third Angel had just drifted to his left by about twenty meters, Shinji could be enjoying the afterlife with his Mother. But noooo, the damn thing had to spare him.

Ranma just began pounding his head on the table, muttering about it "all happening again".

Rei just looked at everyone. _Perhaps I had made a mistake. But the Commander is in a coma, and that would raise questions as to how he consented to the marriage._

Asuka was just waiting for the right moment to sneak her new husband away, before her Father asked her to explain her reasons.

* * *

Meanwhile, in a certain animal hospital, a certain penguin was currently finding out how good pressing the button on his IV felt. _Muuuuuuch bettttttter than beeeeeer._

* * *

Omake by migele:

Rei was working herself through 'Cooking for Dummies' and sighed. She knew she wasn't stupid, but she had no prior experience with cooking and had to learn since Ranma-san—in a bad mood about having more women after him again—had explained that all chores were to be shared. That included cooking and cleaning; cleaning she knew from school, cooking however ... she still took pride in the fact that her first try was better than Major Katsuragi's usual good outcomes: poison or whatever you could call it.

She didn't want to share with Asuka, half the time with Shinji would be hers the other half Asuka's. If someone else married Shinji, that time would decrease even more. If she only could split herself like that Ryoko character from that 'Tenchi Muyo!' series.

Rei blinked, she could not split herself, BUT she had other selves, 48 to be exact. With her and Asuka that would be 50 girls for Shinji. However all clones could synchronize with each other ignoring the ego border. With 2 of Shinji's time for each female it would mount to 98/2 Reis/Asuka time with Shinji opposing to 50/50.

Had Shinji seen the smile on her face, he would have ran screaming for the hills. Ranma would have had a feeling of Deja-Vu.

Rei dropped the book and took course for Terminal Dogma, the clones hadn't yet had the chance to gain the memories or married life and that had to be remedied, next would be waking them. She still wondered if she should wake number 48 or rather 00. The one in the dummy plug was a bit underdeveloped. Maybe Shinji had a lolita fetish somewhere the little one could be suited for. Decisions over decisions.

As Rei skipped towards NERV with a certain happy skip in her step, she knew Asuka would try to take advantage or her time with Shinji, unknowingly while extended probably the last peaceful moments with him for a very, very long time.

* * *

Ranma sat with Shinji on the balcony as Shinji shivered, Ranma knew the symptoms when he saw them. "Feel like somebody walked over your grave?"

Shinji nodded. "Something bad is going to happen."

"Welcome to the family, son-in-law."

Shinji looked at Ranma a bit surprised.

"Asuka IS a Saotome, which means she will do whatever it takes to succeed. Even if it takes housework and cooking."

"I'm dead!"

"Not until your rivals appear."

Shinji thought for a moment, "Do angels count?"

Ranma nodded. "They do. Don't worry; we will get you to top form soon so you survive it."

"Is it really that bad?" Shinji decided that Ranma was a much better father figure than 'what-was-his-name', that almost dead mummy in the cellar of the NERV hospital, right next to the pathology.

"Ever had 41 shapely young amazons trying to bed you?"

Shinji shivered again, cold sweat forming. "I'm so dead."

Ranma patted the younger boy on the back "Don't worry, you ain't dead yet. Try to go with the flow and enjoy every moment you are alive like it is your last."

* * *

"So you are the head scientist and you are a bridge bunny." Nabiki addressed her two co-wives.

"System maintenance and logistics, I work a lot with the MAGI," Maya said.

"Everything that is produced is connected to me one way or another." Ritsuko smiled; yes she scored a hunk, one that was Asuka's father, which made her Asuka's and Shinji's mother. She had children, that was bad, she had a bossy and very intelligent primary wife, she wasn't certain if that was good or bad. She was also married to Maya, which would be fun since she loved teasing her. Her husband turned into a busty redhead; maybe she could get him come down to the labs someday?

"You might want to stock up on insurance and increase the repair budget in NERV and all of Tokyo 3. You saw what those two did to the school. Ranma took down whole mountains far, far before his prime."

Maya choked on her tea, Ritsuko's eyes widened.

"Yep he is that good; Asuka's mom almost stayed to be with him."

Maya and Ritsuko reconsidered, maybe all problems aside it wasn't to bad, after all Rei could have married them to that carcass next to pathology.

* * *

Omake by Typhonis:

Shinji watched in horror as Asuka and Rei closed to melee range and started going at it hand to hand. Asuka had some advantage in Ranma's training but Rei apparently was just as good.

He and the other male students watched as the two pilots began to really and truly rip into each other...so badly that parts of their school uniforms started to came off ...

After a few seconds of that Shinji promptly passed out as a geyser of blood shot from his nose. Toji looked down at the scene " Damn...Shinji is one lucky guy."


	14. Devil’s Due

**Chapter 14**

**Devil's Due**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

Also, please check out my other stories. I try to keep a constant level of dedication to all of them.

* * *

Home. This is a place that is supposed to fill one with a safe feeling.

For two males, a breached nuclear reactor filled with stomach-bursting aliens would feel safer than home.

This was why they were where they were. A few candles offered illumination as they ate their meals.

The saké and hard liquor did help ease the tension.

"So," Shinji said, a slur beginning to form in his speech, "this kind of stuff happened to you before?"

"Yep," said Ranma, now working on his eighth serving from the Italian place they had purchased their dinner from. "After the Tendo engagement got shifted to Biki—don't tell her I called her that—she made a deal to solve everyone's honor using an Amazon marriage law, which actually worked seeing as how the UN apparently recognized Amazon sovereignty. I ended up with three wives.

"God, did that suck."

Shinji blinked. "What happened?"

"Well...one was named Xian Pu. She stayed with me for a year, and we had a pair of beautiful twin girls. But...she had to go back to the Amazon Village to assist with the rebuilding of the area. She did write me that they formed a tribunal to govern the area. Last call I got a few weeks ago said that she was now married to a guy named Browser."

"She divorced you!"

"Nope. Still married, he just can't touch the other wives until he defeats me."

Shinji of course couldn't understand this, but resolved to look up Amazon laws when he had the time. It sounded like something Rei might use, and he didn't want to be unprepared. "And the third wife?"

"Ukyo divorced me and married Konatsu; who is a guy who dresses up as a girl. Apparently, our married life just wasn't what she'd thought it'd be." He took a long sip from the liquor bottle. "Wasn't my fault she wasn't the one always kidnapped."

Shinji sighed. _Well, I doubt his new marriages will be that bad. _ "Um...sir."

"Shinji, call me Dad, Pops, or Ranma; never call me sir."

Nodding, Shinji was once again cursing the Kami that chose Gendo as his father. "Pops...about Asuka..."

"Don't worry, Shinji. I ain't blaming you for this mess. She's too stubborn like me. Eventually, her little plan will blow up in her face. Just treat her well, as we won't have a problem. At least you ain't a Kuno or a Hibiki; those would have been...just wrong."

* * *

"WHERE IS THE PERVERT?" screamed Asuka.

Misato sighed, rubbing her head as she looked at the redesigned apartment, having been joined to the empty one next door so Asuka could live with her Father and still keep Misato from being lonely.

Not that she considered Kaji company. She wanted a conversation that didn't include the phrase "So, wanna do it" every other sentence.

Her current company was sitting at the table with her, enjoying dinner, minus the angry redhead who was anxious to enjoy her honeymoon. Ritsuko and Maya were sitting on opposite sides of Nabiki, who had ordered and purchased the fine takeout they were enjoying, and Rei was to Misato's left, enjoying the vegetarian platter she had received.

Not that Misato had forgiven her for using PenPen as an alien probe. But, when the person you want to suffer is married to Asuka, there really isn't anymore that you can do to them.

Speaking of angry redheads, Asuka was currently sporting a robe, which did little to hide the negligee that she had on underneath; another part of her plan to convince Shinji to "join the dark side" as it were.

"Ms. Nabiki, Mr. Ranma isn't avoiding us, is he?" asked Maya.

Now, while many would think Maya was a lesbian by her haircut, her clothes, the fact that she lusts after Dr. Akagi, they would be wrong. You see, one bad experience does help turn you off of guys.

But having one that changes into a hot redhead with large breasts that make Ritsuko look like a flat-chested smoking tomboy does tend to help matters along quite nicely and alter orientation from lesbian to possible bisexual, with possibility for further expansion depending on performance in bed and equipment used.

In short, this was a guy she could get behind...or in front of...

Okay, so it'd been long enough to forget that bit.

Nabiki set her tea down, having long since finished her large portions. After all, as a Saotome wife, she does need lots of energy for fighting strange assailants, kidnappers, and the occasional guy trying to pick her and Ranma-chan up at Lady's Night. "No, he probably took Shinji somewhere for a heart-to-heart. We can go get them at any time."

"Oh," said Rei, wondering how Nabiki would know where Ranma and Shinji were, as they had had no contact since they had disappeared from the conference room. "How do you know their current location?"

"Oh, that's simple." Nabiki then reached into her purse and pulled out a small device with an LCD screen. "I've got him LoJacked."

"WHAT?" screamed everyone, including the now feeding Asuka.

Smiling, she explained. "Well, when you lead the kind of life we do, you tend to need to know the current location of your spouse, so I put a tracking device in his pigtail."

"Then let's go get them!" cried out Asuka as she finished her plate of food.

And they opened the door to leave, well...after Asuka got dressed.

Of course, their plans fell through.

"Halt, I seek the wench of the foul knight, Saotome!"

The group stared at the person standing in front of the door. "It's a midget," said Misato.

"I don't believe that's politically correct," said Ritsuko.

"Damn it, which Dwarf Kingdom do you represent," said Nabiki in a stressed tone.

The others looked at her, then back to the person at the door.

Yes, he was an honest-to-God dwarf from the magic kingdoms.

"If it will help, this girl is his daughter," said Rei, seeing an opportunity to rid herself of the red devil for at least one more night.

"Screw this," said Asuka, tired of being kept from her rightful prize. "Möko Takabisha!"

And thus, the golden blue chi slammed into the dwarf and knocked him off the walkway, and down the ten stories.

The group then went to the guardrail, looking as the dwarf was now embedded in the roof of a minivan. "Is he alive?" asked Maya, not wanting to have killed a mystical creature.

"He'll live" said Nabiki dismissively. "It'll take more than that to kill them. Guys are thick-hided. You learn what they can take when they kidnap you a few times."

"Should we be worried?" asked Ritsuko, now beginning to question exactly what Rei had done to her. After all, if kidnappings were common for those near Ranma, she needed to know if she should start making bullets from the scrapings of the Lance of Longinus.

"Not really, they're kind of slow. Just watch out for the Parakeets. Now, those bastards will kill you in a heartbeat just for chirping wrong. By the way, whose minivan was that?"

Misato smiled, knowing the neighbor who owned that car. "Don't worry, he's an asshole." As the came off the elevator and walked past the moaning dwarf, she continued. "So, what all have you been kidnapped by?"

* * *

Meanwhile, inside an abandoned part of NERV, three people were trying to start a maturation process as well as create three new bodies.

The fact would have gone unnoticed by anyone, had the three people in question been in their old human bodies.

As such, three EVAs would have attracted attention, had anyone in security actually patrolled these areas.

Ranma was still working on that schedule when his daughter decided to demolish the junior high.

But it was funny to see the blue EVA using a long pole to type in the commands.

In the end, this was all Kyoko's fault.

In the beginning, the other EVAs had merely assumed her tales of a hunk from the future being Asuka's father were merely drunken tales from a drunken EVA.

The fact that he did exist and that Naoko had been able to tap into the MAGI system to find out...physical details...had proven that maybe the rest of her stories were true.

"Hurry up, will you," said Kyoko. "I'd rather be enjoying him again before Third Impact."

"Hold your horses," said Naoko as she began the search for their stored DNA.

"That's the whole point," said Kyoko.

The two other EVA's blushed, not that you could tell with their head armor blocking the view.

"Besides," Kyoko pointed out, "aren't you two interested in old what-his-name?"

"The vows were till death do we part," said Yui. "I'm dead, we parted, and now I'm moving on."

"Yeah," said Naoko. "Gendo's a lousy lay, anyway."

"Yeah, he's... How do you know what kind of lay Gendo is?" asked Yui.

"Can't talk, trying to be reborn here," quickly said Naoko, realizing that Yui really didn't know how playful Gendo was when she died. _Save that little tidbit for later._

* * *

"They are hiding out in my old apartment," said Rei.

That was exactly where the tracker was pointing them towards, as they stood outside the door to where Rei used to live.

"I don't give a damn," screeched out Asuka as she threw open the door and prepared to claim her prize.

But what awaited them was by far a horrifying sight, which made their blood curdle.

"Wastin' away again in Margaritaville!"

Ranma and Shinji were singing karaoke...badly...in off-pitch voices made worse by the drunken state.

"Looking for my lost shaker of salt!"

Where the two had managed to get a karaoke machine at this time of night was left unasked, though Nabiki did promise that when she had the time, Ranma was going to empty out everything he had in his subspace pocket for inspection.

"Some people say that there's a woman to blame!"

And like that, the two further infuriated the women watching.

"But I know, it'll be made my fault!"

"BAKAS!"

The two males looked towards the door, spotting the women that they were married to.

"Uh-oh."

* * *

Back in the apartment, things began to progress forward again.

Rei, Ritsuko, and Maya were enjoying some tea at the table.

Misato was drooling over the karaoke machine, already planning on purchasing some music so she and PenPen could resume their singing careers from before Shinji's arrival. _The boy has no taste in music._

Nabiki was with Ranma in their room, as she was reading him the Riot Act, as she had not liked the fact that he had gotten a fourteen year old boy drunk off his ass.

But what really threw people off was that Asuka was alone in her room with Shinji, and Rei was smiling.

Ritsuko decided to breech the topic. "Rei, why are you smiling? I thought you hated Asuka, and she's probably having sex with Shinji as we speak."

Continuing to smile, Rei explained. "I discovered Anata's supreme ability in bed is because his berserker self sees me as an Angel, and thus desires to defeat me in the bedroom. I must admit I enjoy those defeats."

"Okay," said Maya, "and?"

"I hypnotized Anata to see Asuka as a greater threat tonight."

They were cut off as the door to Shinji's Lovely Suite was thrown open as Asuka prepared to run for her life.

But as in most dramatic scenes, she tripped and fell, which allowed her to be dragged back into the bedroom. "NOOOOOOOO!"

The older women turned towards the smiling albino. "She will be defeated in a shorter amount of time than me, and thus lose her bragging rights as the supposed "better wife"."

Ritsuko shook her head. "That was devious, dangerous, and truly evil, Rei." She raised her cup towards the girl. "I am so proud of you; I wish you were my daughter."

"Thank you, Dr. Akagi."

Maya just shook her head, wondering what the hell possessed her to **not** file for divorce.


	15. Worst Day at WorkEVER!

**Chapter 15**

**Worst Day at Work...EVER!**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

Also, please check out my other stories. I try to keep a constant level of dedication to all of them.

* * *

Shinji sighed as the hot water from the shower fell upon him. It had been a few weeks from the last Angel attack.

And as strangely as it sounded coming from him...he was...happy.

Yes; Shinji Ikari: Universe's Bitch and Pilot Punching Bag, was happy.

Sure, he could have wished for retaining memories of sex with Asuka or Rei, but still, he learned to take what happiness that he could.

He had to smile at that. Often, he had heard the phrase that women who had violent and cold attitudes—like Asuka pre-marriage—were said to "need to get laid" so as to calm them down.

And as always, he had put off those rumors.

But Asuka got laid, and she was being...nice...to him.

Not knowing what exactly he was doing, he decided that whatever it was, it was in his best interest to keep doing.

Sadly, for Asuka, after their first night, she decided that maybe if Shinji thought of her as soft and delicate, he wouldn't be so...passionate...in bed.

Bad for her, great for Shinji.

He was enjoying the fact that Asuka was now doing all the chores, much like she had forced onto him before.

Then there was his new father-in-law: Ranma Saotome. Granted the guy's life was seriously messed up, but so far the young man had been a better father to him than...

Shinji paused for a bit, trying to remember what his birth father looked like. He remembered he had hair...

Oh well, not important. Who needed a guy you could forget so well when you had a perfect father with you now.

Ranma took him out, played sports, taught him a little bit of Anything Goes, got him drunk, and had stories of his youth that made Shinji realize how lucky he was to have what he did.

Yes, truly it was a glorious day to be alive.

* * *

_I want to **die!**_

Toji, however, was filling in quite nicely for Shinji in maintaining the depressive atmosphere in Tokyo-3. While the boy had been fortunate to be stuck with only one wife—due to the fact that Hikari informed them that she wanted five or six kids first before she'd even consider getting another spouse—he was not fortunate on other things.

NERV did not consider the fact that being scared of your horny wife was a good enough excuse to **not** leave an entry plug.

But, Toji did find out the hallways were often quiet enough for him to sleep in, as well as the occasional medical room.

Of course, he did have to go home eventually...despite his fevered protests. And at home, he barely had enough time for a meal before his...loving...wife wanted to work more on having a family.

_It's always the quiet ones._

Of course, his asking that they wait until after High School or at least college before starting a family went unheeded, as if Hikari was completely ignoring everything she had been spouting about a great scholastic career being the heart of a happy life and such...

But today...today was the day where he would have his first sync experience with Unit 03, the Evangelion which he would pilot.

If he was lucky, all would go well and he could get severely injured like Shinji did, and spend countless weeks in a hospital with no sex.

Of course, that all relied on the hopes that an Angel would attack soon.

"Honey, come back to bed."

Shivering, he trudged like he was on Death Row back to his wife. _Damn you, Rei Ikari. Because of you, I've seen hell!_

* * *

On a pig farm, Ryoga Hibiki sneezed, causing him to head-butt a neighbor's car and break it. "Damn you, this is all your fault, Ranma!"

* * *

In the security office, Ranma sneezed, wondering who his old man just pissed off again.

That reminded him he still needed to call his mother and tell her what had changed; like he had a teenage child and was now married to two more women.

* * *

Nodoka Saotome dropped the hot skillet on her sneezing husband's foot, as she immediately pulled out fans and did her "My Son is so Manly" dance.

* * *

Asuka just stared ahead in class, not understanding the world anymore.

For the last few weeks, she had been extremely nice to Shinji. She had cooked for him, cleaned for him. She hadn't called him names once, or even insulted his choice of friends.

Yet, every night, he'd get that maniacal gleam in his eyes, drag her to the bedroom, and "defeat" her in less than half an hour, while Rei got a full three hours.

"It's not fair," she mumbled with what little energy she had left; her head still on her desk.

Wasn't she better than the doll? If so, then why was he taking her out in less than an hour, while the damn doll got treated like a porcelain figurine?

As the bell rang to end the half-day of school, she motioned for the two Section 2 agents to carry her to NERV.

Hey, having your daddy in charge of them was a great perk.

Now, if only they'd do those hits like she told them to. Otherwise, she'd have to wait years before she could become the next Idol.

* * *

Ritsuko smirked as Misato gave her the evil eye. It wasn't the blonde's fault that Kaji was such a bad husband. After all, there was a reason those necklaces Misato had asked for—which would explode and remove Kaji's head if he cheated on her—were ready so quickly.

"I hate you," mumbled Misato.

"Not my fault my husband can keep me happy...very...very...**very**...happy."

"Did you have to be so damn loud about it?"

"This from the girl that made me have to spend the night in the lounges of our dorm because she and Kaji just couldn't stop."

Misato blushed, but stayed quiet.

As they began the activation tests, Misato began speaking once again, hoping to put the lack of a sex life away for the moment. "I'd never thought I'd see another kid excited about piloting other than Asuka."

Ritsuko decided to keep quiet about the real reasons Toji wanted to pilot. After all, it wasn't everyday you say a fourteen year old girl leap across ten meters, through plate glass, glomping onto a husband you haven't seen for an hour, demanding to start making babies.

Needless to say, Ritsuko was tempted to give the boy the name of her former supplier.

After all, she didn't need it anymore. Her new husband made sure she was feeling great all day long, so she didn't need to get high all the time...or smoke...or remember what it was like to sleep with the vegetable in the wards of NERV Medical.

That made her pause and reflect. Gendo awake, people were depressed and sad. Now that he was comatose, people were happy and she was having great sex.

Go figure.

"I wonder why we had to have the EVA tested here?" said Misato. "I mean, it's not like it'll go mad and try and kill us all."

Man, she'd regret those words.

* * *

Toji was busy syncing with the Evangelion, when he mind was forced back.

"**I am the Angel; Bardial. I am now in control!"**

Now, while most angels never really cared to talk, this one decided to give the lilum a chance to make peace.

"Yes, I'm gonna die! No more sex ever again!"

The Angel, not being prepared for this, immediately face-faulted. The speed at which it did so, caused the very molecules in the floor to undergo a fusion reaction, triggering an explosion.

* * *

The pilots and their EVAs were standing at the ready, waiting for the Angel to approach.

However, they were far from quiet.

"Don't worry, Shinji-kun," said Asuka in a sing-song voice, "I'll protect you from the big bad Angel."

Asuka had now moved onto a new plan. She would prove she would always protect Shinji. If she did so, then made he would be gentler with her, and she'd at last defeat Rei time wise.

Of course, she could ask her stepmother; Nabiki, for help. But like her father, her pride wouldn't let her.

Too bad, because Nabiki knew way more than what Asuka needed.

Rei just smirked, as did her EVA. While none of them knew it, the three EVAs were well on their way to having bodies again; and despite the beliefs of SEELE and Gendo, they could leave them whenever they wanted.

* * *

"How much longer do we have to wait for them?" whined Kyoko. She had waited for the hot horse to return to her, only to find him already married...again. It wasn't bad enough she had to marry that dick when she returned to her own time, let alone that the bastard left her for the woman that was supposed to help her.

No, she was wanting to be human and enjoy those nights again like she did in Neo-Nerima.

"It'll be a month or two," said Naoko. Truthfully, the woman was slowing down the production of the other bodies, in hopes that hers would be finished first. Then, some quick paper work, and Kyoko and that bitch Yui would be married to Gendo again, and she'd have Ranma all to herself.

Well, she would when she figured out how to remove the other wives.

Yui suspected her fellow conspirators were plotting to betray her, so she was also putting in several backup plans; like ensuring they could only leave their EVA cores at the same time, as well as pre-filing paperwork for her new marriage. After all, Shinji already loved his new step-father-to-be, so she saw no matters against it.

And as added work, she had issued papers for Gendo to be transferred to a special hospital she had seen in Shinji's memories. This hospital had a horrible record and was found to occasionally give patients the wrong medication and perform unnecessary surgery. After all, couldn't be too careful that some paperwork might get mis-sent, and she'd end up married to the asshole again.

"So," said Yui, "in two month's time, we'll be alive and kicking once more."

The others nodded, each planning some way to sabotage the other; each conveniently forgetting that without their souls, nothing could run the EVA.

* * *

Rei just smiled, not hearing the conversation of the EVAs, as she was only worried about her own husband. She had learned early on of Asuka's plan. The girl had yet to learn not to write such things in a journal and leave it in the open.

She knew that Asuka's plan was doomed. As the German pilot acted with more kindness, Shinji would see it that he must obviously be doing something right, so he'd try and continue doing it. Thus, Asuka would have more intense sex which resulted in her being defeated in less time, which caused Shinji to lose enough energy for Rei to fully enjoy her defeats even more.

It was a perfect scenario.

That was until she saw what the Angel was. Sensing that the pilot was still inside, and knowing that Hikari might seek Shinji for a replacement husband, the girl began to think quickly. She needed a way to defeat the Angel, and leave Toji alive, as she doubted Hikari would settle for anything less than a male pilot, and there was no way in hell even she could fake the psych exam to get Kensuke in.

Rei took a deep breath. That meant negotiations, and Angel's tended to ramble on about their supposed greatness. They reminded her of the stories told by her father-in-law about a delusional kendo student.

* * *

Toji was beginning to feel a pang of fear growing inside him. The Angel had stopped talking to him over an hour ago, and they had stopped moving before that.

He was still alive and healthy.

Something was horribly wrong.

When his plug rose, he thought that somehow, they had saved them, and was planning on showing his gratitude by beating them without mercy.

If he was lucky, he'd get a few years in solitary confinement.

The entry hatch opened, allowing a nude girl to enter. "Honey-muffin!"

Toji cringed in fear. Somehow, his wife was now with him. "Um...hello, dear. What are you doing here?"

Hikari just smiled as she dragged her finger across Toji's plug suit. "Well, Rei was able to make a deal with the Angel."

Toji knew he was going to have to kill Shinji's first wife now. There was no forgiveness for this act.

"The deal was that after talking with Rei, the Angel agreed to become human, but it needs a body to be born. So now, we get to make babies!"

As she literally ripped the plug suit off him, Toji promised Rei would pay for this.

* * *

Shinji smiled as the Unit 03 slowly powered down. He didn't know what Rei did, but they had regained the EVA—now with an S2 organ that could be studied and applied to their own EVAs, and he didn't have to hurt anyone.

Yes, life was getting better for him all the time.


	16. All Fun and Games Until

**Chapter 16**

**All Fun and Games Until**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

* * *

Ritsuko snorted as the medical staff finished applying yet another wrapping on her arm. Turning her pained stare towards the person on the next bed, Ritsuko delivered a look that would kill if it could. "Damn it, Misato. 'It's not like it'll go mad and try and kill us all,' you said.

"When are you going to learn to keep that damn mouth shut?"

"Hey!" said Misato, as her arm was slipped into a new sling. "How was I supposed to know that would happen?"

Ritsuko began to mumble. "Bad luck bitch, need to shoot her."

In her mind, however, she was somewhat filled with joy. With her injured as she was, that meant she would need to be ... pampered. What's-his-name never pampered her. Hell, none of her old bed warmers ever pampered her.

But now, she'd have her studly husband at her beck-and-call since she would be too injured to do much for herself. And from what she had heard, her new husband was quite attentive when his wife or wives were incapacitated.

"Now remember, ladies," said the female doctor watching over them, "you'll need to take things very easy for the next few weeks while you heal.

"That means no high impact exercises, quick movements, or anything that could aggravate your injuries."

Ritsuko blinked. _No, Misato just did not take away my happy times!_ "What about sex?"

The good doctor sighed. "With my husband, that would barely raise the heart level. But assuming you have a good one, then that's a no."

It was only the tightness of the wrappings on Ritsuko's body that kept Misato from being shot by her own gun.

* * *

Toji looked quietly out of his bedroom door. Ever since Hikari had taken him inside Unit 03—he still had nightmares of what she did—something strange had been going on in the Suzuhara household.

Hikari had been leaving him alone.

For two nights straight, the Fourth Child had been able to get eight solid hours of uninterrupted sleep each night.

This was not a good sign.

Finally, he tracked down his demon...wife, sitting in the kitchen, quietly making a meal.

Despite the massive sirens going off in his head, Toji decided that the smart thing to do was talk. "Um, Hikari, is everything okay?"

"Yes, why do you ask, dear?" came the near emotionless reply.

Upon hearing this, most men would have run out, tried to think of what they may or may not have done to upset their wife, and worked on how to pay for the extremely expensive "I'm Sorry" gift.

Now, while Toji was not the quickest person on the planet, he had seen enough sci-fi to know something was seriously wrong with his world. So, he came to a simple conclusion.

His wife had been taken over by an alien parasite and was planning on how to end the world.

Problem was, he had no clue as to whether the parasite was on her now, or had fallen off inside Unit 03.

"Well," he stumbled, not really certain if his current situation was a good thing, "you haven't dragged me into the bedroom, or on the table, or in the bathtub, or on top of the—"

"Well, you see," said Hikari, "since I'm already pregnant, I can't exactly get more pregnant, so there's really no need to continue such activities."

Toji blinked. "Um ... okay."

"Good," said Hikari, closing the matter. "Now go get your books, so we can study. After all, eventually you will need a better job, and killing Angels will only tide us over so far."

It was the first time ever that Toji had been glad to do homework.

* * *

Shinji found himself doing something that he was getting to do more and more lately: walk home happy.

Not that he would complain about such. It just meant he'd have to dust off his SDAT a few times a week.

He had only had an Angel battle last week where he didn't have to do anything. Rei negotiated with it, she lifted Hikari—who was wearing a trench coat for some reason—into the plug. And a few hours later, the thing stopped working.

Sure, Unit 03 still hadn't started back up yet, but Toji was alive, and that was what meant the most.

"Excuse me?"

Shinji turned to face a tall woman, who was standing before him, a silk-wrapped bundle at her side. "Um, yes?"

"You wouldn't happen to be Shinji Ikari, would you?"

Shinji nodded, too happy to worry about such trivial things as the possibility she was sent to kill him.

"WAH! MY GRANDSON-IN-LAW IS SO MANLY!"

Shinji Ikari, meet Nodoka Saotome.

* * *

Ranma sighed as Rei brought Shinji back to life. "Mom, did you really have to kill him?"

"I'm sorry," she said, currently holding Asuka for dear life. "But when I saw the handsome man who had not only won the heart of my new granddaughter, but married her as a second wife, I just had to hug such a manly boy."

She continued to hold Asuka as she turned towards her son. "And I heard you were manly enough to get married two more times!" she squealed.

Ranma shook his head, long since used to her actions. He turned his attentions back to Shinji, as he slowly started to move again, Rei smiling, but not stopping her CPR.

Though Ranma had to admit that he didn't know tongue was required now.

"SO MANLY!"

Ranma winced. _Right; I forgot Rule #28: never take your eyes off Mom._

Asuka however was currently reassessing what she believed about her family. "Can you let me go now?"

"Oh, sorry dear," said Nodoka, letting the girl loose, allowing her to fall onto the floor and begin the painful process of making certain all of her bones were back in place. "So, when can I expect great-grandbabies?"

Shinji immediately paled upon hearing that.

He knew Rei could not get pregnant.

He forgot all about Asuka.

So, he handled it as well as could be expected.

"Shit," he muttered, before he passed out back to the floor.

And once again, the universe was balanced. Toji happy meant Shinji had to be miserable again.

Asuka took such a possibility in stride.

"HAH! I beat you, doll!"

This was soon replaced by her normal fears of ever being a parent.

Soon, she joined Shinji on the floor as well.

But to be fair, she'd beat the hell out of him for knocking her up after she dealt with the issue first.

Nodoka took the news well.

"Oh, he's so manly for the girls to be competing to carry his child first!" She had been a little upset that it took Ranma over a decade to give her grandchildren.

It was nice for her to see that today's generation had their priorities straight.

Ranma paled. "God, not again."

Nabiki sighed, before she grabbed the phone. Looked like she'd have to ask Kasumi to grab some pregnancy test kits on her way to the Saotome home.

* * *

"Well?" asked Kyoko, as the three EVAs once again gathered before the lone computer terminal in the room.

Naoko smiled. "By this time next week, our bodies will be ready!" she proclaimed, images of her and a certain pigtailed head of security dancing in her head.

Kyoko jumped up, nearly punching a hole into the ceiling and bringing the cafeteria down on them. "THANK YOU GOD!"

_Now_, was the common thought between them, _how do I keep these bitches away from **my** Ranma?_

* * *

Kaji sighed once again as he was running from yet another cute girl, Misato's collar on him beeping to let him know that certain hormone levels were beginning to reach dangerous levels.

_Really, it's like she doesn't believe I have any self control._

_We've been married for a while now, and we have yet to enjoy a honeymoon night. I could understand if she was worried about the others walking in on us._

_But the others are seeing more action than I am._

_**Shinji's seeing more action than I am!**_

_Seriously, Misato has no faith in my... Hello, pretty lady!_

He was soon taking off again as the collar began beeping.

* * *

"You awake yet?"

Shinji slowly began to come to, weird dreams involving him being beaten by Asukas that every time he hit them; they'd break into two new Asukas and start attacking him, falling to the side. "What happened?"

"Well," said Ranma, "looks like you got hit by the modified Grandbaby assault from my mom."

Shinji blinked. "Um, is Asuka ... you know..." he said, not wanting to say that he might have just knocked up his favorite new daddy's daughter.

Something told him that was not a sociable acceptable question to ask.

Ranma sighed. "They're being checked now."

Mentally, the man was kicking himself. The main reason him and Nabiki had waited so long was because she hadn't been ready to be a mother.

Shampoo wanted kids immediately. She said it was family tradition, but Ranma had to wonder if such a tradition was true, then why was Cologne only a great-grandmother.

Ukyo had wanted them at first, but that desire waned when it wasn't her constantly being kidnapped.

Like it was his fault the Faery King had wanted to kidnap Nabiki and not her.

Nabiki was more afraid that she would fail her own children, as she had issues from constantly comparing herself to Kasumi.

After all, growing up with Kasumi could make anybody seriously question their own parenting skills.

_I'm just glad my other daughters aren't near this place._ Ranma was seriously hoping that his twin girls were at least living a somewhat normal life in China.

Of course, so enthralled in his new responsibilities as a father to a teenager, he forgot to make certain that his daughter and her new husband had taken the proper precautions not to begin making a family.

As both males began to curse their very existence, the girls filed out of the bathroom, being led by a pale penguin, who had witnessed humans doing things that he never wanted to see again.

"Well," started Ranma, "hit us with the details."

"Pregnant," said Asuka, smiling at Shinji, glad she had finally beat Rei at something, and wondering if this would make Shinji go easier on her in the bedroom.

If he didn't, she would start Operation: Beat His Ass Like A Drum.

"Pregnant," said Maya, somewhat surprised that she was with child. _I do hope my health plan covers this._

For those wondering, the NERV Health Plan was very simple under Gendo. If you got sick, you better die, because they didn't cover anything.

Now under Kozo, the health plan had some benefits.

They now stocked Tylenol in the medical stations if you had an owie.

Anything worse and you were on your own. NERV just didn't have the budget yet.

"Pregnant," said Nabiki, a little pale at the surprise.

_First thing tomorrow, NERV is getting a daycare center, pregnancy benefits; the works._

If Nabiki Saotome wanted them, not even SEELE would stop her.

"Pregnant," said Ritsuko. Well, at least she'd still get her pampering. Of course though, with two other pregnant wives, she might have to share her time, but at least she didn't have to worry about her new hubby leaving her.

_Ranma would make a much better father than ... um ... who was he? _

_Oh well, guy was obviously poor breeding stock. Glad he didn't have a kid. I'd remember if he did._

"Pregnant," said Kasumi.

"Kasumi," said Ranma, "what are you doing here?"

"Well, they told me what was going on, and it sounded like such fun!"

Ranma sighed. Looks like him and Tofu were going out drinking tonight. After all, Ranma was three for three.

Rei stepped out of the bathroom. "I am confused. What does it mean when the image is the red haired baby in the green and black dress?"

Everyone blinked.

Misato paled. "Um, Rei; that means you got Pebbles. That means you're pregnant." _How the fuck did Rei get pregnant and I didn't? She must have swiped my stick. No way could I have gotten a Bambam instead of Pebbles!_

No one questioned Kasumi about why she got the Flintstones Pregnancy Test kits.

Then again, those who questioned Kasumi tended to end up getting sent to the NERV infirmary. Many suspected it had to do with her handing out free coupons to Dr. Tofu's clinic nearby, and then her giving a surprise visit to her husband.

* * *

"Okay," said Kozo, setting out some Scotch. "Explain how Rei is pregnant?"

Ritsuko was still too stunned on her own pregnancy to fully investigate things.

_Me ... pregnant. Me ... pregnant!_

Maya had been numb, mumbling about the fact she should have known better than to sleep with a male.

_Pregnant before twenty-five! What will society think of me?_

Kasumi Ono had been unable to offer much assistance.

_Oh my, I have so many baby showers to plan._

Lucy was currently outside stealing the football once again from her friend Charlie's path.

_Shit, I think he broke his neck this time! RUN!_

Tofu had tried to help, but he broke four ribs, three legs, and dislocated a man's nose before Section 2 took him out with a dart.

Perhaps sitting him next to Kasumi had been a bad idea after telling him he was going to be a Father.

So, that left only one person well versed on Rei's particular make-up to help.

"I have no clue," stated Rei, wearing an old lab coat that said 'Ikari' on it.

Kozo blinked, wondering why that view looked so familiar to him, before shaking his head clear. _Bad thoughts, very bad thoughts, very bad thoughts that'll cost me my job and life._ "Are you certain?"

Rei nodded. "Yes. It appears that I am with child."

"How is your ... husband ... dealing with it?"

Rei smiled. "He is taking this news well, according to Papa-Ranma."

* * *

Shinji just stared at the head of Unit 01. "You just couldn't kill me, could you? No, you had to make me suffer."

Unit 01 might have responded, but she was both giddy at the fact she was soon to be a grandmother, and that soon, she would be human so that she could give her son some half-siblings.

* * *

"Papa-Ranma?" asked Kozo.

"It did not seem appropriate to call him Father, and as you know, I have no genetic Father."

"Ah," said the elder Sub Commander. _Why me?_

* * *

In a poor hospital on the other side of Japan, a machine showed slightly improved brain activity.

However, this interrupted the janitor's nap. So, the machine was quickly unplugged.

* * *

Ranma sighed as he withdrew several thousand yen from the ATM. Already, Section 2 had filled him in on several establishments that would allow a fourteen year old boy in to drink, had karaoke, and a decent cab service to a safe hotel to sleep it off in.

_Man, why is it I have to do this stuff?_

Ranma didn't want to take Shinji out drinking. The boy should be having fun.

Of course, the boy also piloted the only defense against the Angels, and was currently expecting two children from his wives; one of which who had been recently seen sharpening a butcher's knife.

Shaking his head at the image of his daughter acting more like her comatose step-aunt, Ranma shrugged, before heading out of HQ and to the apartment to pick up Shinji. Doc Tofu would meet them there.

After all, it was a simple Tea House named Pretty-Girl...something.

"Hmm, wonder if I've been there before. That name sounds familiar.


	17. There Goes the Eye

**Chapter 17**

**There Goes the Eye**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

* * *

Kaji had been to many dives and holes in the walls in his day of cruising bars. Some were of the classiest joints one could ever hope to gain entry into.

Others made you wish you could get your money back from the bouncer.

The Pretty Girl Tea House made him want to grab his money, kill the bouncer, burn the building to the ground with all employees inside, and salt the earth to ensure nothing else grew from there.

Right now, he was being forced to settle to just glaring at the man who had dragged him to that damned Tea House ... at least until he could get a new clip for his gun.

Tofu was finishing up his work on Shinji, as the boy seemed somewhat traumatized by what called themselves attractive females from the Tea House. "With women like that, I don't think we'll ever have to fear the temptation of cheating on the women we love."

"Pops," said Shinji, finally relieved at the sight that yes, his arm was still attached, to start speaking again, "how did those ... um ... we'll call them women, know you?"

Ranma sighed. "I met them when I was about sixteen. Hard to believe they got uglier.

"Anyway, they're the step family of my ... third wife's new husband, I believe."

"AND YOU DIDN'T RECOGNIZE THE PLACE?" yelled out Kaji.

"Well, they changed it since I had last been there," claimed Ranma. "Besides, how was I to know they rebuilt it, and it was at what is now Tokyo-3? This city wasn't exactly around when I was last there."

Kaji sighed as he went to the restroom near the medical offices they were at, so he could cry. It wasn't until they were back at NERV that the true horrors used on him finally occurred.

While he was at the Tea House, his collar hadn't beeped once. While that might not be a surprise, it had also not beeped as they had been chased through several strip clubs on their way to hide.

This brought only two possibilities to mind to explain.

One was that he had grown as a person, and was truly dedicated to Misato.

The other one—and one that was almost certainly the real one—was that when he had accidentally seen one of the girls at the Tea House topless, it had killed his Mini-me.

Sighing, Kaji went into a stall, sat on the toilet, and started to cry.

"Ride on, old friend; ride on!"

* * *

Asuka stood before the mirror in the bathroom, looking at her stomach, finding it hard to believe there was a little life growing inside her.

And despite the rumors at school, it wasn't going to burst out of her stomach and kill the doctors.

Well, she didn't think. It would certainly fit in with the craziness of her family.

Her grandmother was obsessed with great-grandbabies.

Her father was married to four or five women; she wasn't too clear on that.

Her mother had traveled to the future, got knocked up, and came back to the past.

Her husband was a wuss in real life but a berserker in the bedroom.

She was co-wife with a woman with the emotional range a dead man.

"So," she said, "it's all up to me to be the normal one."

With that in mind, she looked down, and began to rub her belly. "You're going to be the best child in the world, aren't you? You'll always beat the doll's child in everything, just like momma!" she cooed.

After all, it's never too early to start lobbing on obscene amounts of pressure on children.

* * *

Nodoka sat at the dinner table, looking over some paperwork she had brought with her.

Whenever she got bored, or tempted to have any sort of intimacy with her husband, she would take out this particular bundle of papers.

It was the currently known marriage agreements made by one Genma Saotome for the Saotome children.

Next, came the laptop computer, specifically set up to log into the clan registry, and give her an update.

Setting up the first few contracts, Nodoka logged in. **"Welcome, Nodoka Saotome. The price of panda meat had rose ¥300 since your last visit."**

She smiled at that. Sooner or later, her husband would have value; one way or another.

However, today was not a very good day ... for males within the family.

"**Two matches found.**

"**Kirishima Clan: one daughter Age 14: Mana**

"**Yamagishi Clan: one daughter Age 14: Mayumi"**

Nodoka blinked. "So, they have children. But they are much too young for my son, and he does have so many wives right now.

"Hmm, perhaps... Yes; they would be perfect for Shinji!" she exclaimed, a maniacal smile on her face. "After all, my granddaughter has spoken loudly about his overly manliness. Perhaps two more wives are just what he needs.

"After all, he seems so willing to give me great-grandchildren immediately; unlike his father-in-law."

With that done, she sent e-mails to the clan heads to see if such an arrangement would be acceptable.

* * *

"Whoa," said Shinji, feeling a large shiver go down his back.

Ranma looked at him. "What's wrong?"

Shinji slowly turned towards him. "I felt as if someone had just walked over my grave."

"Tingling between the fourth and tenth vertebrae?" asked Ranma.

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

Tofu sighed. "So she got to him."

"Looks that way," said Ranma, shaking his head in pity.

"What?" asked Shinji, fear rising in his stomach.

Ranma sighed, before turning to the boy. "Shinji; that means my Mom just did something you're going to hate and most likely get blamed for."

"We'd better stop at the store and get some medical supplies," said Tofu. "You'll need them before the week is out."

Paling, Shinji turned to the man. "R-r-r-really?"

Ranma nodded. "A crash helmet would be a good purchase as well."

Shinji fainted.

"Think we should have prepared him more?" asked Ranma, poking his son-in-law with a stick.

"Nah," said Tofu. "No one ever warned us about our mothers ... or your mother ... or when they got together."

Ranma nodded, remembering several clinics that had signed agreements from Nodoka about "deposits" of certain fluids.

Needless to say, Ranma was not happy.

Neither was Tofu. His Mother had made more agreements.

Ranma picked up Shinji, as they made their way to the store. "I still say our moms are related."

Tofu nodded, before cleaning his glasses. "Agreed."

* * *

"Gendo Ikari, heh?" asked the nurse on duty, once again pushing the comatose leader of NERV to a new room.

Already, he was being moved once again. So far, the rooms they had put him in had: sprung a leak in the ceiling, electricity had failed, suffered a lightning strike, caught on fire, and had the sewer lines explode into.

"Someone up there must really hate you," said the nurse as he wheeled Gendo into the last free room.

Shaking his head as he hooked the freshly cleaned man—including a shave—to the monitors, he turned to face the other patient in the room. "Ms. Akane Tendo, time to change your catheters."

The sky above the hospital began to darken, as the forces of evil began to gather. There avatars had been silent for far too long.

* * *

Shinji looked in fear at the breakfast he had been asked to make. As far as he knew, pregnancy cravings weren't supposed to start this soon.

_Must be just my luck._

"Pass the ice cream?" asked Maya.

"These eggs need more Tabasco sauce," said Rei.

"I need some more hotdogs for my salad!" yelled Ritsuko.

Shinji slowly backed out of the dining area, to the living quarters, where Ranma was eating. "Is it always that bad?" he asked.

Ranma nodded. "Wait till they send you out for ice cream and pickles at three in the morning."

* * *

"WAH!" cried Maya on the subway to NERV. "WHAT WILL SOCIETY THINK OF ME?"

Ritsuko sighed. "Now what?"

"I'm married and pregnant before twenty-five!"

"And?"

"AND?" yelled Maya.

"Maya, that is not a social taboo," said Ritsuko. _Really, where did this girl get those ideas from?_

* * *

_Thirteen years ago..._

A preteen Maya Ibuki looked on with a bunch of her friends as an older girl began to lecture them.

"Now remember," said Akane Tendo, wearing her Halloween costume of a priestess, "if a boy touches you, you'll always be perverted in the eyes of God, and then no one will like you."

Maya had no way of knowing that both Tatewaki Kuno had been bothering the girl, as well as she had been hitting the spiked punch at the Halloween party a little hard.

* * *

Maya gulped, rubbing her belly. _Now everyone will know that a boy has touched me, and that I'm a pervert. No way was that priestess lying._

Ritsuko sighed as she watched her assistant start to break down. "Maya, what the hell did this to you?" she muttered.

* * *

Shinji had expected his wives to act weird due to their pregnancy.

He never expected this.

Asuka was going around to the class ... apologizing for her behavior. She was being nice, offering fruit baskets, and being polite and courteous to everyone who was below her self-declared social circle.

Rei was even worse. She refused to take off the lab coat when she went out. While it was a few sizes too large for her frame, even Shinji had to admit she felt ... familiar ... in it. Though where she had found one plus had the time to both have it stitched with both her new last name and a patch from Tokyo-2 University was beyond him.

Hikari was being ... well, Hikari. She wasn't dragging Toji off anymore. She was back to her old self.

And Toji ... he was studying? Yep, he was studying ... and smiling ... and looking hydrated.

_Some guys have all the luck._ Shinji sighed, wondering why he had to have the crazy wives.

* * *

Kensuke slowly opened his eyes.

The last few things he remembered weren't good.

He was dating a single girl from school ... a redheaded library worker, if he remembered correctly.

He had went home with her, they were making out on her bed—a new experience for the military fan boy. Who knew women loved a junior priest in training.

But she had handcuffs hidden in her stuffed bears...

"Oh my God," he muttered. "She was a dominatrix!"

Then came the worse memories.

He was spanked with a large paddle with the scarlet letter 'A' carved into it.

She had invited her grandma.

Kensuke began to try and free himself.

But it was too late.

The grandmother had returned, as had her granddaughter.

"Now, dearie," said the older woman, "this is how you break your man of trying to escape."

Kensuke barely had time to eep, before the older woman descended upon him, and pain began to flow.

* * *

Shinji just shook his head. "That idiot is probably off filming something. Not like he'd end up in a marriage or anything."

* * *

"Grandmother?" asked the librarian assistant. "Did the papers go through?"

"Yes, dear," said the older woman with the whip. "Now help me get your husband to understand who has the true power in this relationship."

* * *

Shinji shrugged. "Not like it's my problem."

"Class," said their sober and non-armed teacher, "we have two new students today.

"Hello," said one girl with dark reddish brown hair. "My name is Mana Kirishima. I'm here to meet my new husband as stated by my clan."

"My name is Mayumi Yamagishi, and I'm also here to meet my new husband because of clan honor."

Sighing, the teacher sat down, withdrawing his handgun and bottle of liquor from his desk. "And who is this husband?" asked the teacher, already pouring his first shot.

"Shinji Ikari," said both girls, before they turned towards each other, saying the exact same things at the same time.

"How do you know Shinji?"

"We are to be engaged by clan honor!"

"By whom?"

"A woman calling herself Auntie said so!"

Shinji cringed.

Deep inside him, the berserker soul cried out. It had been wronged, and someone would need to die to appease this sin!

* * *

The Fourteenth Angel had awoken; its mission clear, its resolve absolute.

Besides, what could possibly go wrong?


End file.
